Deadly As The Viper
Well, that was unexpected!
The Good Lady lowered herself into the car seat beside me with a puzzling wince.
I stopped playing intergalactic space pilot in my head and took my hands off the wheel to look over at her.
What was unexpected? Did the gynaecologist look in your mouth and say you needed a filling? Or was she wearing a miner's helmet? I guess that would be unexpected. Although maybe not entirely so, it is the 21st century now after all.
I turned the key in the engine and the stereo sputtered into life spilling glorious metal music from its speakers.
The Good Lady biffed me gently on the shoulder with her fist.
No that was not what was unexpected. After my exam, she asked if I had considered a coil for birth control.
She made a winding motion with one finger in the air as if conducting a tiny little orchestra.
I made a face of understanding which kind of looks like you are doing a shit on a high hill and keeping a keen eye out for eagles trying to steal your toilet paper.
So I said I hadn't really thought about it and she said well if you like I can... you know, put one in?
The Good Lady looked at me intently as if searching for something behind my handsome facade.
I looked back at her blankly. Was this a momentous occasion? Was I meant to input here? What was a coil anyway? Was it like one of those slinky toys that you played with when you were young?
Fuck, how would that work? Those things were seriously wide. I mean, I like to big up my mannity but there was no way I could fill one of them up even with my gentlemanly penis.
Damn the fucking matriarchy, they always find a way to mess with you.
I presume you told her to get to fuck and you weren't having a gigantic fucking spring inserted up your whoopsie?
I tutted at the thought of such an indignity being put upon my very own good lady.
Actually, I didn't. I told her to go ahead after she mentioned the benefits of it versus the pill.
The Good Lady squirmed a little in her seat as if she had just had a giant spring freshly inserted up her lady-sock.
Benefits? Benefits? What possible benefits could there be? Would she now perhaps bounce downstairs in a hypnotic head-over-heels kind of way? That would be something.
Um, alright then. Was it sore?
I had no idea how to visualise what she had just gone through. Was it like docking a spaceship to the ISS? I mean, I literally had no idea.
It was a little bit uncomfortable. She had to adjust it after it went in because a bit was poking out when she checked.
All the music which had been happily pouring from the car stereo seemed to trickle to a halt as my jaw dropped so far from my face that it was practically in the centre of the earth.
She what and what what?
I could not fathom this. A bit was poking out? What in the name of all the Red Shepherds?!
Did that mean it was really like a spring? Like when you have a dodgy mattress and a spiky bit of metal was poking out? Holy Kaka? Was every jiggy jiggy session from now on going to be like a scene from an Indiana Jones movie?
What if we were doing the do and the end of it got caught in my penis when I tried to withdraw and I was caught hanging there like a sad trout on a line?!
This just could not be?!
What if it got all bent and fankled like the kid's ones? They took hours to put right.
I gulped.
Are you ok?
The Good Lady looked over at me closely whilst adjusting her seating to try and get comfortable with the giant armageddon vortex inside her.
Yeah, It's just quite the surprise that's all. Don't worry babe, we will get through this together.
I smiled reassuringly as I pulled the car out of the car park.
Now where did I put that fake passport?
Oh wow lol, I can't wait to see your post about your penis piercing. You could hang a different charm on it each day...like underwear with the days of the week written on them! The possibilities are endless lol.
Well, your good lady has saved you from a fate similar to that of Asher, and I guess we'll not be seeing your testicles splashed across the blockchain for all eternity?
Haha, home made penis piercing!! That will be me!
No testicular madness by me for the viewing of the blockchain. I shall instead just talk about my ladies bits and their doings. She wont mind... maybe :OD
She won't mind, as long as she never checks your blog 🤣
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
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A poultry-geist
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She is only allowed under supervision :OD
Hahaa, the good lady must be of good nature to endure your portrayal of her lady bits😂
In truth, you could tell a tale of the front door mat and it would be hilarious and a damn good read.
I did actually ask permission before posting it which I rarely do. She just laughed which I took to get a good thing.
Now the front door mat, story incoming!! Lol
ohhhhhhh hahahahahahaha... be happy!!!! the force of a spring always helps!!!😁😅Joyful days will come!!!! 😉
The force... It might push me out 🤣🤣
😅😅😅😅😅...I already see that as a high impact sport, you jump 5 meters and come back!!! The good lady is going to have a lot of fun 😅😁🤭
She might end up becoming a superhero and leaping over tall buildings!
Ouch!!! That puts a whole new picture on the Slinky 😲
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I shall never look a slinky in the same way ever again! 😀
🤣 that's definitely an unexpected use!!!
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
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I wonder how the next chapter in my life will go.
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🤣🤣🤣. You got nowhere to go, Mr. You are staying right there.
That will be me, hanging there like a dried out fish!! 😀😀
😂😂😂. Well, see it this way. You'll be doing something. The hangman would surely be jealous of you. Haha
The hangman will be coming for me more like!! 🤣🤣
Lol. Shirtless with no coil or hook in hand. Enjoy the mystery ride. Lol
Sounds like a saucy prate adventure, hehe
Haha, Aye ol' captain! Enjoy the wave.
Arr me hearties!
I would say all aboard! but that might not be quite appropriate :OD
Lol, yeah! It is not going to work out because the ride is meant for ye alone, captain!
Hahahahah! Exactly 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂. Alright, I am out🤣🤣
This is such a cute perspective of getting an IUD 😅😅😅
Was a fun read as I’m usually the doctor wearing the mining hat 😂😂
Ha, awesome. I shall ask you all my questions on the dashed things!!
Only kidding, I wouldn't torment anyone so 😀😀
😂😂😂
I would happily oblige you though 😅😅
I myself find the topic very interesting
It is quite fascinating! You are almost bound to find it so right enough or you would be very disenchanted with what you do!
hhahaahha have slinkies of all sizing lying about here at home. You can take your pick and wrap it around your package so the coil can have some company for you know when....
i was gonna ask how the hell you are, but i guess it's a sensitive subject right now ....
P.S. That hair! ooo lalaaaa....
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A penguin with a sunburn.
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Aiyeee!!! It's like Ghostbusters, you can't cross the
streamsslinkies! Imagine the tangle. That would take a lot of care to get out of!You'd basically be fucked in more ways than one!!!! Tangled the horror movie version!!!! PG 18 of course!! 😂😂😂😂
I would be like half man half machine!!! 😀😀
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is this the sex talk we are reading?
filling of what? a penis?
Oh my god, that would be outrageous!!
I meant it would be surprising because that's what dentists do!! 😀😀
dentists fill mouth with penis? is this you are saying?
Good lord no, they do fillings in teeth!! That was the funny bit!
I definitely prefer these wonky things that go down the stairs, step by step and sometimes roll down instead, not unlike the toy dog in Toy Story.
Ouch!
I prefer them too. But they don't seem so innocent and nice any more!! 😀😀
I guess it's a joke, the good lady couldn't bear this inside her, well, I imagine this and it seems unbearable to me, the truth is I don't know what to say, well yes, I'm glad born a man, hey and I want to stay like this, man hahahaha
I don't know what to say either!
She does have a coil inside her not it might not look exactly like I pictured! 😀😀
This one made me wince. I've heard of such widgets, but have no idea how they stop you spawning more sproglets.
I seem to remember a Slinky as being fun for a few minutes until you over-stretched or tangled it. Then it was fucked. They were cool for simulating sound waves.
You know, I had no idea how they worked either. Now I have been blessed/cursed with knowing that they deliver some magnet is micro dose of something or other for a long time. If she gets pregnant someone is getting killed.
In my head it helps to imagine them as slinkies, it's easy despite being scary 😀
I get that The Pill is not ideal as it means messing with your hormone balance. I did see a Hive detail his 'snip' recently. That's the permanent fix for procreation.
Yes the snip was am option. I've I was willing to take but it looks like that turkey might have flown down the road at least a little!
Apparently the coil is better hormonally as ladies get older. If I say that out loud and get caught though I'm a dead man!
That was hilarious. I personally had no idea how it looks as well [I googled afterward]. But seeing the big metal slinky over there made me imagine something like a ballpen spring instead haha. If the fake passport doesn't work out, I hope you keep your john safe when exploring. 🤣
I was quite amazed say how it looked when I googled it. Not springy at all! But the idea of it being a big coiled spring I did find hilarious 😀😀
I would not even let you go anywhere😂😂😂
Hang in there😂😂
I hope I don't end up hanging, all shrivelled and caught on the end of it 🤣🤣
A person is more comfortable in summer and cold is not tolerated at all. Here in our country, girls and women are driving cars and they are not allowed to drive them at all. That woman is taking herself in self-confidence but they have to take care of some other things as well.
I hope that they change it so that they can drive, tis a terrible inequality if they can't
Yeah you are right
I like that you went to slinky instead of something a bit more managable like a watch spring XD
Sounds like you're in for good times like all the animals with barbed bits XP
Haha, a watch spring might not have had the same impact! Although truthfully the first thing I thought of when I thought coil was those damn slinkies! :OD
You are so on dodgy ground here! Even so... if its one of those things I think it is, dont they kinda work in the same way as a plasterboard plug? But with a bit of nylon string to open the wings? I could be miles off here, but if that's the case, wouldn't the screw thread version provide more safety?
Of course, if we were all real new age men, contraception would be our sole responsibility so perhaps you'd like to demonstrate the 'plasterboard plug in the japs eye' contraception. One twist of that screw and nothings going to pass.
Perhaps I'm over engineering again...
Ha, thats exactly what they look like. If I googled the right thing that is :OD
I will pass on the reverse coil. That way tears lie! Which actually reminds me I will have to be buying some of those plasterboard thingies as I am putting up a shelf unit thing on a flimsy platerboard wall soon. Sigh, the joy never ends!
Don't finish it too quickly or no doubt another chore will magically appear! Enjoy what's left of the weekend :-)
Aye they do have that habit of lining up when you think you are done!
You too dude!!
There are unexpected turns in your narrative with humor and real surprise. The coil argument is unraveled in a peculiar way, and your response provides it with comic flavor. The story is very interesting due to the strong imagery and imaginative comparisons, from an intergalactic space pilot to a scene reminiscent of Indiana Jones. The mixture of wit and frankness with regards to a personal issue like birth control is amusing but also realistic. I look forward to more surprising stories from your peculiar point of view.
I am glad that you enjoyed although your comment does look somewhat AI generated! :O)
https://twitter.com/jewellery_all/status/1751351074676514843
What no pics? Robbed.
I'll send them on the usual 😜
'Slinky' sure would be out of place on dinky doo 🙃 good lady would also not appreciate it anywhere untoward!
!BEER
I don't think anyone would. In fact I'm have gone right off them!! 😀😀
🤣 imagine one chasing you road the road.... mother of all inventions!
Haha, that's like a nightmare scenario!!! You would be waking up in a cold sweat!
Other one is Newton cradle, I always called them Newton's balls image five clanking around in synchronized agony 🙃 oops sorry one track mind!
Haha, it's a track that's hard to get off once you start down it!
Choo choo....
Lolz 😂😂
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STOPor to resume write a wordSTARTThank you!
Hi @meesterboom,Sorry for bothering you, I put the comment here hoping that only you see it, I'm an optimist, that can't be denied hahahaha, privacy is the least thing here.
I am unmotivated, I am NOT in any community, could you guide me which one to enter, I need help, my posts DO NOT add up to much, I comment and this helps but it does not motivate me.
Conclusion, community recommended by you and thank you
Hello!!
I am afraid I do not know. I am not much of a community man. It all depends on what you are posting and how each post is relevant to a community.