Silent Battles

Marriage is a beautiful thing and blessing, this has been a phrase that clouded my mind and made me forget I will one day live to see a day where I will stand up to my sister in law, Ijeoma. When she got married to my brother, I thought I had found a sister, mother and friend who would make the house accommodative. I never thought that Aunty Ije with all charisma and innocent look would be the opposite of her appearance.

After the traditional marriage and Wedding, we returned to the city where her husband was based. Few weeks after she gained her ground, she began having problems with everything I do. It's left for her to stop me from breathing. Her scrutiny isn't like she's making an effort to genuinely correct my wrong doings, her words and the air of superiority is enough to stir up the anger of an angel.

"Mary, you are wasting the gas. What's in it that you can't wait for the power to be restored?" Yeah, at first I tried to understand. Maybe she was right but what if the light doesn't come and the food sours? Then when you try to leave the food and wait for the power supply, the same Aunty Ijeoma would be the same person that would use words that would leave a sting.

At first, when she started that whole superiority lifestyle, I tried to see how I could tolerate her since it's her new home and I didn't see anything in letting her speak out. But it started choking. She would sit in the sitting room and leave a loud shout that a passerby would hear.

"Is this the quality of crayfish you want to use for this food? Haa! This is too much!. It is left for me to teach you how to cook a simple meal!" "Why does your food taste like seasoning cubes a whole lot? Must you use four to cook even a grain of rice?!"

Source

I started getting confused on why she complained everyday. Same thing she complains about me doing is what she does. It didn't take long for me to find out she was jealous of me and was trying to manipulate me into seeing myself as worthless and not good enough.

One day, we had finished breakfast and I gathered the dishes to wash. With her flip flop clicking against the tiles leaving nothing but offensive sound. Again, she began as usual,"If some people will just know how useless they are and stop being nuisance all in the name of living beings," she said with a long and irritating hiss.

I was paralyzed for a minute. Yeah, I felt those words in my marrows but I told myself I have been silent for too long and I finally broke through expecting whatever to happen.

"With due respect aunty, I know you hate my presence here but just so you know I understand you are jealous and but the good news is, I understand my place in this house. I'm not your co wife but only your husband's sister and I won't be living here forever if only you can have patience."

"I don't know why you find everything I do wrong but I find it hard to see the difference between what I do and yours," I replied to her, my voice normal and firm."All I see is hatred and it is just better if you come direct than trying to make it look like I'm not good. Don't try to talk me down, you have been doing that for too long and I'm not going to tolerate it. I'm not a slave here but only here to assist where necessary.”

Hearing me speaking boldly left her in awe. A flicker of surprise was all over her eyes. "I can see your wings are all grown. Raise them higher but get ready for the worst!!!."

The stare on her face was unreadable but I was ready for anything that would happen. I had to set my boundaries. From that day, things became different but she still tries to assert her dominance from time to time.

Even with the boundary, she wasn't ready to stop her fighting and quarreling lifestyle with me. I was always ready to stand up to whatever she came up with. As I turned the table, the house became a tension zone. She tried her best to be dominant but I was adamant, I was ready for her until she understood the message.

With time, she learnt to respect my space. I respected her and at the same time earned my respect from her, not bowing to her whims but by standing firm in my own truth. Boundaries were set and many words were unspoken until I left the house for brighter future.