My unforgettable childhood funny experiences.

Who else could remember some of his or her childhood funny experiences? Or, are you trying to hide them? hmmmm, you better let the cat out of the bag by yourself ooo, else, I will unveil it publicly. Anyway, you know me naa, and you're aware that I have known you right from infancy down to this day. Lolz.

Who among you my fellow comedians knows about this kind of pepper?

Pixabay

Here in my locality, it's one of the most pepperish peppers I've ever seen. Looking at it's size, you will underate it, not knowing that, it's small but mighty. Whenever I see this pepper either in people's compound, garden or in the market, immediately, it flashes my mind back to one of my childhood experiences and memories. Knowing that your ear have expanded from medium to large because you want to hear my stories, let me jump in immediately to avoid ear- explosion. Hahahaha.

Alright alright, please don't be annoyed but, you're free to change your name to Annoyance. lolz. Maybe, it's even the name I will give to that my unborn child. Hey, stop looking at my stomach. Are you the one to impregnate me? Please shift, make I narrate my stories.

During those days when marajah was a baby, there was this my older brother, who always find my trouble despite how I do hide it from him. Hmmm, remember, as a child, if you have an older one, you will always practice whatever you saw them doing. That was the case between me and that my bros.

One day, I started looking and admiring the pepper tree in our compound. The pepper tree is filled up with both ripe and unripe pepper fruits. Mind you, it's not pepper seed, because, the seed is inside the fruit naa. So, quote me right. Let's continue.... As a baby, I called on my elder brother to inquire if it's edible. Heeey, please, don't pronounce me gluttony until you're done with reading. hahaha.

So, my brother was already looking for a way to deal with me because, he received strokes of cane from Dad earlier that day because, I reported his misbehavior to Dad. To him, it's a big opportunity to deal with me. On that faithful day, he told me that it's edible. Honestly, I didn't trust that my brother then. So, I asked him to taste it. He plucked one, did as if he chewed it (Unknowingly to me, he did as if he threw it inside his mouth, but he threw it away cunningly).

As an inexperienced baby, I plucked one and threw it directly inside my mouth and started chewing. My people, I nearly ran mad that very day. The annoying part of the whole drama is that he kept laughing at me. Chei, from that very day, I developed hatred over pepper. But, do you think my judgement is well justified? Pepper and my brother, who deserves some hatred? But, be careful, blood is thicker than pepper and pepper is painful than blood. Hahaha, revised standard English.

2nd funny experience

On another occasion, though, not too long from the first incident, there is this man that looks so lanky and poor. Sometimes, whenever he's hungry, he will come over to our house and must wait until food is done. So, one day, I was inside house and I overheard my Daddy telling my mom:

A walking corpse is coming (in Igbo: Onye nwuru anwu n'eje ije)

As soon as the man got down from his bicycle, sat down and started discussing with my father, I walked up straight to him and ask:
Me: Sir, are you dead?
The man: No. But, why asking?
Me: My dad said that you're a walking corpse.

My people, the kind of beating I received that very day, hehehe, my eyes saw my ear without mirror and i regretted having my dad and mom as parents. But, wait oo, what will happen if they too should regret having me as their child? Why should they even beat me? Are they not the ones that told me that a dead person can't converse with the living? Now, he called this person a corpse and same time conversing with him. Check it out, it's never my fault naa.

Hia, see as you're laughing with all your heart, please easy oo, your laughter echoes high to avoid breaking your ribs. Let me sound it as a warning to you oo, hmmm, I don't even have any money specially for hospital bills now and I can't promise to pay any with the little hbd I will receive from this post oo. Hmmmmm.

3rd funny experience

Back then in villa, my Dad rears domestic animals like sheep, birds and goats. So, if those animals want to damage or slot their mouth inside, Maybe, plate, basin or eating from our garden, my parents would say,

Pursue those animals out from that place.

And immediately, we will chase them away. So, at a point, one of my Aunt came visiting from town, she asked my parents to allow her go back town with me since we're on holiday. They accepted. And I dressed up and left with her. My people, that was the first time I witnessed what town looks like. So, from time to time, she would say and I quote:

Marajah, pursue money.

Thinking that she's advising me to chase away money, days later, one of her clients owing her for a long time came to clear her debt and my aunt was inside her inner room. So, when the client asked me about her, I told her that she is sleeping and does not need any disturbance. So, the lady handed over the sum of 100,000 Naira to me and asked me to give it to my aunt as soon as she woke up. Quickly, I handed the money back to her and told her to go with the money because, my aunt pursues money and myself pursues money too. Thank God the lady is educated oo. She asked me what I mean by pursues money. I boldly and proudly told her my aunt's sound warning to me to always pursue money.

At that, the woman exploded into laughter. Thank God, I escaped her explosion. Lolz. Her laughter woke up my Aunt. And when she came out, her client explained all that happened to her and she too, laughed me to pieces. Heeey, my fellow comedians, are my to blame? Did I know that pursue could mean 2 opposite words?

Pursue: Chase away and same time, follow something or someone.
Pursue: Seeking for something

My people, English is not and will never be my mate I swear!!

4th experience

Few weeks later while still in town, that my Aunt gave me some carrot fruit and tiger nuts to wash. As she handed the fruits to me, she said:

Marajah, go and wash this fruit properly for me.

Happily, I went straight to kitchen, poured liquid soap inside water and started washing. Uppps, while washing the fruits, my Aunt walked inside kitchen. What she saw marvelled her. She kept watching me for a while. After few seconds, she became so provoked and her fury was written all over her face. Heey, she picked her phone, called my Dad and said:

Brother, am highly disappointed in you. So, you don't know how to train a child? To the extent a girl of 7 years can't wash ordinary fruit. Too bad.

Now, I want you to be the judge here once again.

Back then in village, if we pick any fruit, next is to lick it up without washing and whenever mother asked us to wash, it's either cloth, plates or some things like that. Now, Is it my fault to wash fruit with soap? Is it not the training I received from home? Awwwch.

Lastly

As I went back home from town, one day, someone my dad was owing came to collect his money from my dad and Dad saw him from afar. Immediately, he said to me:

Marajah, tell the man that am not around.

As an obedient child, I rushed to the man and immediately passed the message to him saying:

Sir, my Dad said I should tell you that he is not around.

Then, the man said:

Go and tell him that myself is around and ready to wait for him till he comes out.

Stupidly as I was, I went back to Dad and told him what the man said. Out of anger, Dad gave me some hot slaps. As I bursted into crying, the man asked me what the problem is. I also told him that my Dad slapped me because I passed his message to you. Out of shame, Dad came out shamefully.

What and where did I go wrong? was it not his message that I passed to the man?

Conclusion

Please after reading this post, go back to your physician, check your BP and report the level to me. See you in my next episode. Byeee.

The first picture is from pixabay while the second is mine. Personally, i captured it using my Tecno Spark 8 Pro.