[ESP/ENG] A YELLOW SPACE
🌻¡Hola, Comunidad de Hive!🌻
🌻¡Hello, Hive Community!🌻
Spanish
Un dĂa despuĂ©s de tanto luchar, algo en mĂ, se detuvĂł de golpe, no lo entedĂ hasta que minutos despuĂ©s observĂ© mi cuerpo sin vida, mi pecho ya no subĂa ni bajaba para respirar, mis ojos se hallan abiertos sin un rasgo de esperanza, mi piel palidecia y cada vez estaba más rigida, pero por fin sentĂa paz o eso creĂa...
Mis padres no tardaron en tocar la puerta, mi respectivo beso por la noche antes de acostarse venĂa en camino, lo que no sabĂa es cuanto lo anhelarĂa, el estruendoso grito vino despuĂ©s de abrir la puerta, yacĂa yo tendida en mi cama, frĂa, rigida y con un par de pastillas acompañandome al lado de la cama, las lagrimas corrĂan sin permiso ni perdĂłn, cada grito era más desgarrador que el anterior, pensĂ© que ha diario sentĂa el peor de los dolores, pero juro que al ver sus rostros el mĂo quedĂł pequeño y querĂa regresar, querĂa que no sufrieran, es que yo conocĂa el dolor de cerca y rezaba a diario para que ellos nunca lo sintiesen, pero se los terminĂ© ocasionando yo y no me lo perdonaba. Sus manos temblorosas buscaban con ansias el telefono movil, marcaban al 911 con esperanzas de que mi pecho volviese a latir, de verdad en sus cabezas, habĂa esperanzas, me mataba que una hora más tarde le darĂan por confirmado que mi partida fisĂca serĂa ese jodido 10 de septiembre.
English
One day after so much struggle, something in me suddenly stopped, I did not understand it until minutes later I observed my lifeless body, my chest no longer rose and fell to breathe, my eyes were open without a trace of hope, my skin was paling and was increasingly stiff, but I finally felt peace or so I thought...
My parents didn't take long to knock on the door, my respective kiss at night before going to bed was on its way, what I didn't know is how much I would long for it, the thunderous scream came after opening the door, I was lying on my bed, cold, stiff and with a couple of pills accompanying me by the side of the bed, the tears were flowing without permission or forgiveness, each scream was more heartbreaking than the previous one, I thought that every day I felt the worst pain, but I swear that when I saw their faces mine was small and I wanted to go back, I wanted them not to suffer, I knew the pain up close and I prayed every day that they would never feel it, but I ended up causing it to them and I did not forgive myself. Their trembling hands anxiously searched for the cell phone, they dialed 911 with hopes that my chest would beat again, truly in their heads, there was hope, it killed me that an hour later they would confirm that my physical departure would be that fucking September 10th.
Creo que nunca me di cuenta cuanto amaba a mi padre hasta que lo vĂ de rodillas en mi cuarto diciendome lo orgulloso que estaba de mĂ, nunca valorĂ© tanto a mi mamá hasta que la vĂ romperse en mil pedazos frente a mis fotos, suplicando que todo fuese mentira, no me habĂa dado cuenta cuanto me amaba mi hermana hasta que vĂ sus noches de insomnio junto a mi ropa recordando nuestras salidas juntas y pijamadas, además, nunca supe lo fiel que era mi perrita cloe hasta que espero durante dĂas sentada en la puerta sin dormir anhelando que un dĂa volviese a pasar por ella.
Fue ahĂ entonces donde me arrepentĂ de no haber vomitado todo, de no ser fuerte un dĂa más, es que yo los necesitaba para ser feliz, es que quizás con su ayuda, con su apoyo, encontrarĂa la paz o la fortaleza que tanto bĂşscaba, es que ahora estoy aquĂ....sin paz, sin felicidad y sin ellos...
I don't think I ever realized how much I loved my dad until I saw him on his knees in my room telling me how proud he was of me, I never appreciated my mom so much until I saw her break into a thousand pieces in front of my pictures, begging for everything to be a lie, I never realized how much my sister loved me until I saw her sleepless nights next to my clothes remembering our outings together and sleepovers, plus, I never knew how faithful my little dog Cloe was until I waited for days sitting in the doorway without sleeping longing for her to come by again one day.
It was then when I regretted not having thrown up everything, of not being strong one more day, is that I needed them to be happy, is that maybe with their help, with their support, I found the peace or strength I was looking for, is that now I am here .... without peace, without happiness and without them ....
"Este mes amarillo me inspirĂł más de lo normal, creo que conozco de cerca un poco lo que es no estar bien contigo mismo desde esa parte tan importante para vivir, que es tu linda cabecita, creo fielmente que si no hay salud mental, nada fluye bien, hoy quise escribirles una corta historia, creada posterior a la lectura de muchas experiencias reales, personas que lastimosamente no vieron más soluciones o decidieron dejar de luchar, es un mes para reflexionarr sobre la salud mental, sobre el hablar las cosas, escuchar activamente, tener empatĂa, amor, ofrecer apoyo, acompañar, alentar, estar, nadie nunca podrá explicar con palabras como hasta un simple abrazo en el momento correcto...salva una vida.
Nunca olviden, todo lo que sentimos está bien, lloren, griten, duerman, pero siempre, luchen un dĂa más, nunca sabrán si al siguiente dĂa, sale el sol.
Trabajen en ustedes mismos, en lo que les guste, mudense, cambien de amigos, de pareja, de ambientes tóxicos, trabajos que explotan, nadie más que yo le cuesta soltar cosas y personas, pero con el tiempo no saben la paz que esto les brinda."
"This yellow month inspired me more than usual, I think I know closely a little what it is not being well with yourself from that part so important to live, which is your pretty little head, I faithfully believe that if there is no mental health, nothing flows well, today I wanted to write a short story, created after reading many real experiences, people who unfortunately did not see any more solutions or decided to stop fighting, it is a month to reflect about mental health, about talking things over, actively listening, having empathy, love, offering support, accompanying, encouraging, being, no one will ever be able to explain with words how even a simple hug at the right time. ...saves a life.
Never forget, everything we feel is okay, cry, scream, sleep, but always, fight one more day, you will never know if the next day, the sun will rise.
Work on yourselves, on what you like, move, change friends, partners, toxic environments, jobs that explode, no one but me has a hard time letting go of things and people, but in time you don't know the peace this brings you."
"Me despido con una de mis frases favoritas de este mes que no sé quién la creó, pero entre tantos idiomas, decidió hablar con la verdad: Cuiden su salud mental porque cuando la cabeza no funciona, no funciona nada"
Gracias por leerme hiverss❤️.
"I say goodbye with one of my favorite phrases of this month that I don't know who created it, but among so many languages, decided to speak the truth: Care for your mental health because when the head doesn't work, nothing works"
Thanks for reading me hiverss❤️.
Realmente me encantó esta historia. Vivi muy de cerca un panorama parecido a tu relato y no fue nada fácil y más cuando es tu familia. Gusto en leerte amiga. Saludos