When We become I

over 1 year ago (Edited)

A split second was all it took to turn my life upside down when the call came from the hospital.

I know we cannot live forever, but if only, if only! I just need one more day, or even just one hour to say a proper goodbye to my soulmate, had I known it would be the last time.

Would I feel a little better?

As @fionasfavourites, who lost her Tom SAID:

I never ever imagined just what a big hole his passing would leave.

I don't think anything can prepare one for a loss of a life partner, that feeling of total despair and desolation.

Nothing will ever be the same again!

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I met my Arthur through a work friend, and what I saw was a man who not only was a handsome dude, but he had a very kind and generous soul; beautiful on the inside and the outside.
We married in December 1974, so ~~have~~ had spent almost a lifetime together.

He was an empath, wanted to better the lives of everyone, and made time for young and old; family, friends, acquaintances, and even the beggars in the streets, often discreetly digging into his pocket to help out. This was especially evident in the number of people who attended his memorial service.

Arthur contracted diabetes as a child and spent his eighth birthday in hospital.

His love of playing football from a young age right through to his mid-forties helped tremendously with his health.
I used to joke and say his first love was football, but that soon changed as he doted on me, spoilt me, and made me feel special right to the end. Our love and bond just grew stronger, I still was his 'baby' despite being an old gal!

Being dependent on Insulin is full of perils, but it did not stop him from excelling in his civil engineering career, he was an absolute perfectionist.
Seesawing between low and high glucose levels was a constant juggling act, and although he kept fairly good control, it was extremely difficult at times.
I have a sweet tooth and love baking, as many of you know, so I'd often have to hide all the sweet cookies, but he could tuck in when he was having a hypoglycemic episode.

Injecting at the breakfast and supper table was the norm, so our sons were never afraid of needles, something doctors and nurses used to find odd, as most kids are terrified of needles.

Arthur absolutely doted on our sons, and was a super proud dad, always encouraging them to pursue their love of sports and education, often making sacrifices to get them good sports equipment, and watching from the sidelines.

We spent many holidays camping when the kids were small, and after that started going to timeshare resorts where we enjoyed wonderfully memorable times with family & friends.
We spent ten full years together in semi-retirement, taking many midweek breakaways or mini-road trips exploring the KZN coast or inland, with friends and family, often with @artywink and her hubby, who ~~were~~ are like a brother and sister to us me. I have shared many of those special times here on Hive, with our #silverbloggers, #marketfriday and #wednesdaywalk folk, as well as dear Mr. @pinmapple.

Making memories for both of us is was way more valuable than all the gold and diamonds in the world.

Back to football, my hubs was a Liverpool fan, and we both were really excited when he won a VIP experience in the presidential suite at the Moses Mabhida Stadium, when the Liverpool legends played the Kaizer Chief legends. We were given a glimpse of the team dressing room and met some of the team legends.
I got goosebumps when we were part of the supporters to sing the song 'You'll Never Walk Alone.' The lyrics really speaks to me now:

When you walk through a storm
hold your head up high
and don't be afraid of the dark
at the end of a storm
there's a golden sky
and the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
For your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone…

Arthur was the most unselfish person I knew and encouraged me with my blogging journey, even though it kept me glued to the PC for hours at times.

My friend Josh was a rock when Arthur was admitted to the hospital three weeks ago, carted me to the hospital and back as I cannot drive because of my shoulder injury.
He spent his last birthday in the hospital; one of the nurses bought him a big pink snowball cake, and sang, and danced around his bed.
Josh made sure we fussed over him on his birthday.

Sadly there was no time to say a last goodbye. I truly thought he would do well after the surgery. The cardiologist wanted to 'speak to the family', but Arthur told him it was not necessary. Alarm bells did ring, but I was in denial. His triple bypass gave him an extra twenty-one years, a small miracle in itself. I learned after the fact, that a second bypass is highly risky for an older person, and more so, for a diabetic.

It makes me immensely sad that my darling hubs will not get to travel across the waters to our son and his girlfriend in the Netherlands, as he was super excited about this trip.
They instead flew back to SA to say their last goodbyes and come and hold my hand.

I've lost my soulmate, and he has left a huge hole in my life, but I am thankful that I have a beautiful memory box, overflowing with love and joy, and this will keep me going, till we meet again.

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PS I have to thank all my Hive friends for the love and words of comfort, but I have been totally overwhelmed not only by the loss, but also by the legalities of dying. Asking for a death certificate of the one I love, was the most difficult thing to do.

I hope to be back here more often.

Original Content by @lizelle
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