Entering a strange new world at a point when life was so good, and seeing my entire world fall apart barely a month ago, has left me in a state of absolute disorientation.

How do you pick up the pieces and start a new beginning after sharing a lifetime with the one you love, when he was taken away without any warning, and the 'we' turned into 'I?

A part of me still thinks I can tell him or ask him something, but then wakes up to the reality that he's not here. I can still talk to him, but it's a one-way conversation, only silence greets me. At first, I refused to sit on his favourite chair, as if a part of me still believes that he'll be back, but then the despair hits, nothing will ever bring him back again!

Even though we both pursued our own interests, we mostly spent the last ten years post-retirement, in each other's company, something I will cherish forever, and that togetherness is what I'm missing the most.

I now also know the wisdom behind the words of Kahlil Gibran when he wrote of marriage in The Prophet:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

^{Kahlil Gibran}

I've been missing in action for a while, and having to navigate the uncertainties in a choppy ocean, after losing a partner, can be quite overwhelming, and that's putting it mildly.
Dealing with legal and related issues has taken up most much of my time, with visits from friends and family thankfully taking me away from it all.

My rose-tinted glasses have become tainted when it comes to the medical fraternity when seeing how some raise their fees by a staggering 500% once they hear one has GAP cover. Looking back, I should have said a definite NO when asked that question.

The value of having a good support system in friends, family, and neighbours, cannot be overemphasized.

My house smelt and looked like a florist shop, the refrigerator is still groaning with food, my son has been ordering vitamins, load shedding, and security gadgets, installed extra security measures, and overstocked my pantry; it looks like I have enough food to feed an army!

Close friends were in Scotland at the time, and when they visited the St Giles Cathedral, my friend lit a candle and left a little note for Arthur at the altar; the choir was practicing at the time.

There now is a big hole in my world, life will never be the same again!