Self deceit

The information filtered in late in the night that the results of the most dreaded course on campus, MTH 101 had been placed a few hours earlier.

MTH 101 was one of the most difficult courses for year 1 science students. I heard a lot about how one in tens of students makes the grade of credit or above.

Immediately I got hold of the information, I informed the duo of my friends, Jude and Segun who offered the course too. It was my wish for us to go to campus that night and check the results but I was persuaded by both of them to be patient till the following day. I obliged.

My heartbeat increased and that night was longer than normal. I was anxious to know my grade. We dressed very early in the morning and we set out to the notice board in the Mathematics department to check the results.

As we approached the notice board, students were seen standing on their toes to peep at the pasted results. There were many pages and 50 names appeared on each. After a few minutes of maneuvering my way through the overcrowded gathering to the board, I saw the page containing my result.

I got a C and it was the best in the page containing my name.

It was a mixed feeling for me. The joy of passing the course and the sadness of not getting the best grade, A.

I scanned through other pages to check the results of Jude and Segun.

"Congratulations, Segun. You passed with a C grade."

Segun jumped up in excitement.

"Your result has been shaded." I told Jude immediately I got to his name.

"Who might have done this?" He queried with no particular attention on anyone?

I was disturbed with the development and I advised Jude to contact the course lecturer to check the copy of the results with him. Surprisingly, Jude wasn't as disturbed as I was. In fact, he was beaming with smiles and he waved everything aside.

We returned back to our hostel that morning because it was on a Saturday.

In the evening of the following Monday, Jude came to inform me that someone had checked the result for him from the course lecturer and that he passed with a C.

In the following days, many classmates were congratulating me for passing the course.

"Ojo, I would like to have a talk with you." Peter sought permission to discuss with me.

"I am all ears." I responded to him.

He held my hand and walked towards an iron chair under a tree a few meters away.

"What kind of friend is Jude to you?" He asked with his gaze on me.

"Jude is more than a friend to me. We are brothers."

"I don't think so," he interjected.

"I am confused here. Why are you asking this kind of strange and unexpected question?"

"I believe your friendship with Jude shouldn't be about social life alone but academic inclusiveness." He began while I looked on like a lost sheep. "It's unexpected to anybody that knows you and Jude that Jude would fail MTH 101 while you pass."

"Did he tell you that he failed?" I asked.

"The result is there on the board." He concluded.

Without wasting time, we walked to the notice board and I met the page containing Jude's results. It has been replaced by the department after some mutilations of the previous page. I scanned through it and I discovered that Jude's grade was F. He failed the course.

Upon informing him of my discovery, he claimed that the latest copy wherein he got F was fake. I didn't dwell too much on the issue.

The trio of Jude, Segun and I continued our studies. Jude kept on hiding his grades from me. People that were close to us wouldn't stop to question the sincerity of our friendship because he was still doing bad in some of his courses. However whenever we discussed our grades, he informed me that he wasn't having any challenges in any course. Everything he was telling me about his studies and grades were made up stories and performances.

The reality dawned on him when Segun and I were listed for graduation by the university with Jude's name missing. He had many courses to write and pass before graduation. It was at this point that he came clean on his performance over the years.

"I fear discrimination that accompanies failure. Failure reduces one's self esteem."

"Nooooo!!!" I interjected. "Self denial injures one's self esteem more than failure. If you had come clean since the time of MTH 101, I am sure that the situation would have been better now."

He bowed his head in sober reflection.

"The damage has been done. You don't have control over the past. You have your time now to turn a new leaf and chat a better way forward."

Jude accepted reality and faced his failure squarely.
It took him two more academy sessions to pass his courses and graduate. He confessed that he was the one that shaded his MTH 101 results earlier before the page was replaced.

"I learned my lessons." He stated during the convocation which I attended. "I lived in a make believe life while damaging myself. I am happy for the redemption.