For my own good.

My journey so far proves to me that no one can make you change from a habit until you decide to change yourself. My journey to quit smoking was a hectic one.

I was 16 years old when I started living on my own without any supervision. My parents were elsewhere and my grandfather that I was staying with was in the hamlet. I spend two days (weekend) with him and spend five days in town to go to school. When in the town, I had the unfettered freedom to make friends of any kind. It was as a result of such freedom that I started living some strange lifestyle like drinking and smoking. Peer group influence, as a teenager, initiated me into such.

After some years, I became aware of the danger of such habits and the struggle to stop began. Each time I bought cigarettes and saw the inscription "smokers are liable to die young", I reacted like someone not literate enough to decode the meaning. I continued without minding the danger.

Few years ago, I lost count of the number of times that I made quitting such a habit my new year's resolution. Unfortunately, it only takes the second day of the new year to see myself in such a habit again. Sometimes, I left it for like two to three months only to resume in such a manner that I would smoke a quantity to pay for the break time.

When my wife and I started dating, she gave me a condition that I must quit the habits before tying the knots with me. I love her and I was ready to do anything legally within my power to make her my wife. I promised her that I would stop.
We had our wedding and all I could achieve was to reduce the quantity that I took. I remember having TomTom sweet in my mouth to conceal the odor whenever I was coming from where I went to satisfy myself. On a few occasions, she would still perceive it and register her displeasure that I wasn't keeping to my promise.

Early last year, I was at work when a call came in that my younger brother had died in a ghastly motor accident. He died far away from home. My elder brother immediately traveled to the town where the accident happened while I went the other way to meet our mother to console her. It was tragic to the whole family.

I spent five days with mum trying to console her to take heart. A family friend that came to console my mum called me aside for a discussion. The woman had been a lovely supporter to my parents since I was growing up. The woman for the first time told me that she was told that I smoke and asked me if I had done away with such a habit. I was shocked. Even before altering any word by me as a reply, she started to plead with me that I should live a healthy life if not for anybody but for my mother. I was in a sober mood and I promised her to change.

I returned to my base and I still couldn't stop it. One particular day, after closing from work, I stopped over at a kiosk to buy a cigarette and while taking it, a thought struck my mind and I didn't realize when the stick fell off my hand.

Image Source

I sat and thought of the damage that I was doing to myself. I reflected on the previous sixteen years that I have smoked and weighed the gains, if any, and the loss. The loss in resources, the harm to my health. I thought of my wife that I had earlier promised to quit. I thought of my mum who had lost two children in the space of 11 months. My older sister died after a brief illness before the death of my brother. I felt I needed to live a healthy life to take care of the woman. My wife too wants the best for me and our expected children. Above everything, quitting is for my own good.

After the whole reflection, I stood up and matched the cigarette stick that was still burning on the floor and promised myself that that was the last. It was a sincere declaration and decision.

I matched my words with action. Whenever the urge of smoking comes up, I engage my mind in thinking of those people that I promised to live a healthy life for. It was a thug of war in the first three months before the addiction started suppressing. Few months later, I took my mind off it and my system readjusted to operate without having to smoke to maintain body balance.

It's now a thing of the past and looking at those years, I just took them as part of the process. If the hands of the clock were turned back, I would definitely not indulge in habits that would be harming me yet difficult to do away with.