The cold embrace of Fear

^source

Fear is a feeling which seems to be beyond ones control especially when it comes in it full glory...lols.
I don't know how to explain what I just said but then I trust you understand what I mean by fear coming in it full glory is... when it comes overwhelmingly.

Is there really anyone has not been caught in the web of fear at one point or the other? I doubt it.The outcome of our experiences depend on the way we handled it when it came. I had my share at a point in my life and it was during my undergraduate days as a student. Oh there were fears then. Fear of failure was my major fear.

My Experience with Fear.

I will never forget that fateful day in class while receiving Economic 102 lecture. It's just as fresh in my head like it happened yesterday. The lecturers turned and faced us amidst the lecture and said to us many of you will fail this simple course, people fail this course and it's not new.

I was like is this man joking or something? what does he mean by many of us will fail this simple course. I mean the course was very simple at least for our level then. I remember saying to my friend sitting close to me that its not possible, writing my name alone on the question paper would earn me enough mark to pass. I said this sarcastically.

To cut the long story short, we wrote the exam and I was among those that failed the course. I couldn't believe my eye when I saw the score. I didn't only write my name like I told my friend, I did my best, I even ensured I didn't cheat in that exam as was my usual custom back then in school.

"How did I fail this course" was the question that kept ringing in my head for weeks, those that passed, escaped failure narrowly. This time my confidence was gone and the absence of courage and confidence breeds fear. I spoke less in class afterwards. I wasn't the outspoken guy my friends used to know. I knew the only valid and viable option left was to re sit for the course.

I didn't believe in my ability any longer, that singular experience kept haunting me. Subtle fear keeps gaining access into my mind every now and then because I knew I would still be writing more papers including the one I failed.
The day came for me to re write the failed course, this time I was in my final year.

You know how it is, any paper failed this time is a carry over into an extra semester, which automatically extend your stay on campus. Oh the torment became so real as I couldn't afford to fail again. I had already gone through a lot trying to feel among my peers because I failed a course. Keeping up with the lectures for that course wasn't even possible because I have more than enough courses to focus on in my present level.

I wrote the test for that course but with less confidence this time, it was as though fear followed me down to the hall. I did it within the very short time frame given to us and then came out. In anxiety I went to check the answer and discovered I didn't even get it right.

As at this time the mark for attendance was gone as well, as I could not keep up with the lectures because of the bulky workload in my present level. I decided to leverage on my assignment at least to add up to what am going to score in my exam. The day I was to submit my assignment, I went straight to the lecturers to submit the assignment but he refused to collect and referred me to class rep of that class.

On getting the class,the class rep he told me that he won't be collecting it as well because the lecturer had given him a standing instruction to stop collecting.
At this point, it was as though all hell was let loose against me. The odds were practically again me.

There was no mark for attendance, none for assignment and the test I did was even wrong. Fear hugged me at this point. I didn't know what to do. If I had failed back then when I attended the class and got the mark, did the test and pass but failed when the overall score came out how then will I pass this without test, assignment and attendance which should augment the exam score.

I had to resolve to prayers. Nothing could be done at this point, I couldn't bribe. All I know was that I couldn't afford to fail. I then gave priority to prayers at this point. Midnight was the hour of real prayer, this did not exclude prayers in the day too. I had no other prayer point in my life then than for God to help me pass this exam, nothing else my life mattered.

I remember begging God for "C" in that course, I wasn't even begging for a B or an A because every iota of confidence had left. My prayer were even born out of fears not even the prayer of faith that God requires.

The result came out a month or two after and this ended the torment, God showed me mercy, I had a "C" in that course and then passed out successfully without any complication. Till today I am eternally grateful to God for not putting me to shame.
Fear indeed tormented me but God came through for me