DIARY OF A LOST GIRL

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I've been meaning to write about my love. But seems I couldn't just find the right words, if I'm, to be honest about it, it's because I was scared. Scared of what I might see if I tried finding the right words. Sometimes I get confused and ask myselfwhat the hell are you doing? Because even my subconscious doesn't seem to understand.

I had seen her a few times before, but we never talked. I use to be friends with her twin, but now we look like worlds apart. It started like a joke, now I am in love. What scares me the most is that I don't know why and how it happened, I just found myself in love. We met at what seemed to be a horny scenario, made love and everything in between, and just when I was about to walk away, I found out she was already pregnant. I persuaded her to let the child live, but she wanted to let her dreams live instead. It was as though our love was catastrophic, and our love story should end as quickly as possible, because getting the pregnancy aborted became a thug of war after the first attempt was successful, only to find out she was still pregnant. Seemed a twin was carrying her own set of twins.

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As poor as I was, it was evident that I had a duty to play in helping a girl achieve her dream, I turned into a viper in search of its prey and did things I wasn't proud of, to ensure she fulfilled her wish. Getting the money for her was the easy part, watching her lose herself in the process was unbearable. With the pains she had to endure, I had to pray she didn't bleed to death. At the same time I had to deal with the thought of what if after all this, the pregnancy doesn't go away. But then I knew it was all in my head.

She was already lost, and I was in love. But then I asked myself if I were to be sincere, what was I In love with? I just know I love her. I'm in love with a lost girl, I hope I can help her find her way even though our love story started as a tragedy. She had to deal with a wailing mother who has lost trust in her, she had to deal with the acceptance of being used by an ex for who she gave her all, and she had to deal with the struggles of tragedy that came with a night with me.

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She had to keep everything in and pretend it was all right. When deep down she knew she was lost. I think I'm not just In love, I'm just as lost as she is that is why this story is not complete without my part. I'm in a love deeper than feelings and emotions, in a love where fear is the closest feeling I get now knowing we are both lost, but I think she's more lost than I am.

Trying to find herself and figure out a way out for her, has become like carrying a rock to the mountaintop. Trying to help her find herself, is like looking for the water thrown into the ocean. But I think I can do it with a little faith, I think we can do it together. Right now it seems I sink each time I try to find her, but I know it's all a matter of time, I will get it right. Though there's a fear deep within me, the fear of not being ready to take the dive with her, the fear of getting hurt by the one I love, and at the same time hurting the one I love, the fear of losing myself in the whole process of finding her. I'm already in the dark with her, so I guess it's okay to be scared for us both, but I'm hopeful even as I'm fearful, for I heard the light is at the end of the tunnel, the darkest part of the maze. I'm not just in love with a lost girl, I'm already lost with her.

Posted using Neoxian City