Cycling along the river to see sunset and do some reflections.

The day was a bit windy and cooler than usual. That’s the sign of changing season to our short ‘winter’ months. Last year I needed to wear my sweater for about a week in winter. I was expecting a really cold winter and I even brought out my little rocket stove to provide some heat for my cats on the ground floor. I imagined having a small bonfire and having my coffee with my cats sitting besides me. But none of my imagination turned into reality.

So, this year I played it cool without any expectations about a sudden cold spell of wind from China. I had to face the hard work in the garden and busy schedules after the bad floor two months ago. We still had to deal with dead plants and trees. There’s a lot of mess to be cleared away and the dead banana trees made me very sad for weeks. However, life had to move forward so I continued to comfort myself with cycling along the river late afternoon.

Sometimes the sunset was very colourful and dramatic as it the sun was making some statements to the world. Each sunset was unique and gave me different vibes for the evening. Nature was always amazing and mysterious to me, I could feel some hidden messages floating in the air. I just had to learn to decode these messages. Being quietly alone by the river, time seemed to have a different dimension and duration. My brain and sense perception also started to shift into different pace.

The sense of infinite space and slower time allowed many thoughts and memories to bloom in my mind. This was the time for reflection and solving some hidden knots from the past. Sometimes I would be reminded of an incident about my father and me when I was a teenager. I was very surprised by his ‘request’ for some solution to his guilty feeling. It was very trivial to me but he couldn’t sleep over it.

At that time, his friends had taken him to see a ‘holy’ person or a guru who was supposed to be very psychic. Most Thais were very superstitious and always seeked the help of ‘famous’ monks (with extraordinary psychic power), or mediums who became ‘holy’ gurus with some magical power. So, my father was rather afraid of bad consequences as he didn’t keep his words about going back to see that ‘holy’ guru (we would call these self-made psychic gurus “archan” which meant a revered teacher). So, I suggested that we should buy lots of jasmine and marigold garlands to offer to that ‘archan’ as an apology.

My father was very relief and smiled at me. I sat in his car and we went in search of those jasmine garlands. We bought ten beautiful garlands to appease the psychic archan. But his house was quiet and the shrine inside was a bit lonely. I never told my father that I was very psychic but my mother knew about my strange ability and series my help from time to time. I didn’t think much of this as it didn’t make my life any better, I was still plagued with emotional confusion and unhappiness.

My father was very disappointed that he couldn’t apologise to the ‘holy’ guru with all the garlands. I told my father to make a wish and leave the bag of jasmine garlands in front of the door. I told him he had fulfilled his promise so there was no debt or guilt to be found. He was very happy with my solution. I couldn’t believe how these often ‘fake gurus’ could have a hold on ordinarily people’s mind. I could never bring myself to kowtow to these scammers. They would often see the aggression and anger in my eyes whenever I was dragged to these psychic sessions. I wished I could have exposed them by challenging them to some kind of psychic dueling. But I would make many enemies unnecessarily.

Several of my close friends had lost big sums of money to these ‘holy’ archans. People were so accustomed to offering sacred shrines while begging for other things in return such as a new lover, money, new positions at work and wealth. So, they were hoping that by giving liberally to psychic gurus who could communicate with various Hindu gods, their requests would be easily granted. For me going to consult professional astrologers would be more beneficial as the astrological aspects could throw some light on the negative patch of energy a person had been going through. Then, the astrologer would suggest that they could donate to charity or do good karma to create positive consequences.

My father’s problem made me realised that my parents were just ordinary people who we’re conditioned by their upbringing. I shouldn’t expect them to be like my superhero’s who knew everything about life and had all the right solutions. I knew I made a lot of demand on my parents and they were too afraid to tell me that they didn’t know how to handle my confusion. On hindsight, I was much stronger than my parents as I wasn’t afraid to find out the truth and go against the herds’ belief system. That’s probably why they were so relieved to see me going abroad for my education.

In a way, I felt sorry for them that they didn’t know how to handle me as a rebel of the family. On hindsight, I missed the opportunity to help them with their problems while I was exported overseas. None of my siblings had the capacity to see things objectively and be forthright in their actions. Destiny seemed to keep me from my family and let turn grow up according to their accumulated karma. I became the black sheep and stranger in my family as I never conformed to their plans or wishes. I often thought their shortcuts in life and business wouldn’t bring good consequences.

So, I continued to be far away from them and cycled along the river seeking my moments of satori. However, I wished I could have been helpful during their difficult times. But I knew my words wouldn’t be appreciated and ridiculed; I couldn’t stop them from getting the poisonous vaxx. So, I prayed for them often so that one day they would practice dharma and found their own inner lights. We were connected by karma from past lives, so I had to let karmic law flowing naturally. The subset told me that I only had the now to live my life fully and positively. Mother Nature continued to nourish those who were perceptive to all the energy in the surroundings. I ought to ground myself more often as the uncertainty in each day could easily become unsettling. I continued to pray and send compassionate vibes all around the world.

Wishing you peace, good health and prosperity.

Stay strong and cheerful.