Not happy

I haven't been myself in recent times ,just trying to be happy but deep inside I know I am not.

When I am with my friends and they just crack jokes,I just put up a smiley face so I won't be called a saddist.

I am not happy and that's just it. I expect much from myself,sometimes when I look at some of my posts on hive I just go sad,I feel like I put so much efforts in making those posts and I end up getting nothing for it. I know nothing good comes easy,but i just kind feel a little bit down when this happens.

Originally,at the beginning of this year I would have thought things would have been much easier for me,I will be resuming for 4th year in the university in October,and I don't even know where to raise money, for me to resume with my mates.

I am not going to sit here and say I am not bored because I am, I feel lonely inside and I just don't know who to share my thoughts and feelings with,sometimes I feel like I am in a war with myself. I am not where I want to be ,and that just keeps making me sober and get into deep thoughts.

The state of my country isn't helping either,things are really becoming tough and you just have to keep on striving harder in other to be able to afford basic neccesities ,let alone save for the future.

I am afraid of the future and that's one of my problems. Presently I am studying agriculture ,and I am afraid,and don't just know if I will end up going for agriculture after I finish school , because you obviously need alot of money to start an agricultural business in Nigeria. And if you say you want to work under an employee or for the government you might end up getting paid a penny. Just imagine studying a course for good 5 years and end up collecting about 30$ in a month ,isn't that cruel??,maybe I just need to focus on the present and wait for the future holds.

Thanks for reading.

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