Finding Balance In Parental Discipline

Although I'm not a parent yet, I know that parenting is not an easy feat. Not only have I heard my parents, particularly my mom say this, but I have also heard stories and read things online about parents complaining about how difficult parenting is. One time, my mom once told us, her kids, that if there was a next life, she’d choose not to be a parent and go to the convent to become a nun, thereby avoiding the worries of raising children. We all laughed that day, but deep down, we understood what she meant. When it comes to parenting, parents find it difficult to discipline their kids after they have done something bad.

Parents, particularly mothers, have soft spots for their children, especially when it takes long for them to conceive. For example, a couple who has been trying to have a child for 15 years. They have done everything possible; visited different hospitals, used drugs, and local herbs, but to no avail. Just when they were on the verge of giving up, they are blessed with a baby. Surely, the parents will treat the baby like an egg, not wanting to punish them even when they do something bad. This is totally understandable. But the truth is that when parents don’t discipline their children when they do something bad, they are only spoiling their lives under the guise of “treating them well.” Kids should be given special treatment, but there are limits to it.

When it comes to parenting and discipline, one question that has caused heated debates is how parents should correct their kids after they have done something bad to make them see the errors and dissuade them from repeating the mistake in the future. Should they use physical punishment or go about it some other way? I'm a Christian and according to my Bible, physical punishment should be used to correct a child when they do something wrong. “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Meaning, that when you overlook your kid's wrong actions and do not correct them physically, you are only spoiling them and it is only a matter of time till they get rotten.

It surprises me that in European countries, especially America, parents do not have the right to correct their kids physically. They are allowed to use a cane (or whatever it is) on their kids. I don’t know how true this is, but according to the movies I have seen and stories I have read, when parents do this, their kids can report them and then they get jailed. This is different from the African setting. Growing up, I wouldn't say I was stubborn, but sometimes, I acted out of turn. My brother, on the other hand, was a goat and they corrected him using the right method; cane, belts, brooms, and anything that came their way. My brother had his special cane. Did this method work? Yes, thanks to physical punishment, my brother changed for the better.

As I mentioned earlier, parenting is difficult and complex. It needs prayers (emphasis on prayers), patience, and understanding. You can correct a child from today till tomorrow and they might not still change. In fact, they might even get worse and develop hardened hearts and hatred towards you. Growing up, there was a kid in my street who'd always steak from one house to another. Everyone knew him and some homes even gave him names. Every day, his parents would punish him physically, his screams were so loud. Yet, he still repeated his stealing habits the next day.

The cycle kept going on and on. Now, there are two reasons why I think that kid continued stealing. One, his parents chose the wrong method. Since physical punishments didn’t, they should have tried other ways. Maybe the child needed love. I read someone that cleptomaniacs (who are kids) steal to get attention from their parents. Maybe his parents were giving him attention and stealing was the only way he could make them have his time, even though he got punished in return. On the other hand, maybe he was just fated to be that way.

My point is that when it comes to parenting, physical punishment shouldn't be the only method used. Sometimes, you correct your kids with love. “Beat them with your left hand and draw them closer with your right hand.” I have always fantasized about how I would go about parenting if I ever became one. If anything, I would never do anything to create a gap between my kids and me. I have realized that most kids, particularly in the African setting, are closer to their mom because the father is all strict and rarely shows emotions. I'll correct my kids with physical punishments whenever that method is necessary, but I’ll also be sure to also correct them with love. It is all about finding balance.

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Thanks for reading.