Book Review: Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss

Hello all, I can't believe it's been a month of no posting! I hope I can get back into the swing again. Life happens, and these sort of activities often get pushed down to the bottom of the priority list.

I really enjoyed this book. The author, Chris Voss, was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for FBI and its hostage negotiation representative on National Security Council's Hostage Working Group. He spent 24 years in that position! He is now an author and founder of The Black Swan Group, a negotiation consultancy.

The author guides us through the negotiation tactics that worked and also those which didn't. He provided insight into what became FBI standard practices in negotiations as well as disastrous mistakes. He uses real life events and negotiations gone wrong so that we can learn from both successes as well as mistakes made in those circumstances. These anecdotes were the most enjoyable part of book for me, as is the case with many books I enjoy. Overall, the information presented helps you approach every new negotiation situation with more confidence knowing what to do and what not do! This text provides readers not only strategies but also tactics - something they will find handy whether negotiating wages or the sales price of an automobile.

Some of the concepts discussed include:

• Mirroring is where you repeat back what your partner is saying using your own words. Listening to them is key to accomplishing this.
• Labeling is identifying a particular emotion your partner is displaying and naming it aloud in order to validate them. This requires using some 'tactical empathy'.
• When negotiating it's okay to receive a 'No'. Your partner may simply need more time are feel they are lacking control of the situation.
  -You can really open up a negotiation by getting your partner to agree with you. To elicit a 'That's right' from them.
• How to properly use the word 'fair' in a negotiation.
• Calibrated questions using 'how' or 'what', such as "How am I supposed to do that?"

These concepts are immediately actionable. For example, I have started to use mirroring and labeling in my arguments, and have had great results. This is definitely a book I could come back to a few times.

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