Money: The Art Of Reciprocity (2)
Speaking about reciprocity, here No one should think they're weak just because the people they've helped in the past refused to come through for them. In Nigeria, good people have been deemed fools, simply because they listened to their heart instead of their brain.
At this stage in life, I have damned reciprocity, because if I were to be paying back people who had been good to me, I'd simply not have enough.
So whenever people deem me a fool for helping them, I just see it as the universe balancing the equation. The people we've helped in the past cannot pay us back, this is also the same for the people who have helped us.
It's A Cyclical Process
I have learned never to judge people and the reason why I do so is because I think we can never predict the financial circumstances or conditions of people.
In reality, reciprocity is based on the goodness of people. This means that we cannot help people because they're good people alone, sometimes, we're unlucky, but it doesn't mean that our previous good deeds have been for nothing.
Sometimes people miscalculate how far we go for them, simply because they think it wasn't enough.
Seeing Beyond The Money
When I was doing my diploma, I used to send money to my ex to get by. It was a lot of sacrifice for me, but it was peanuts to her and unfortunately, she couldn't see beyond the amount.
While it might be little, it takes much more out of my budget. That's the difference, we cannot get people to see the sacrifices we've made, and also I think there's nothing wrong with this.
We cannot get people to appreciate our efforts and sacrifice, especially since they cannot measure the degree of how far we've gone. When I left my parents in 2011, my aunt fed me and my cousins and gave us pocket money we all got paying jobs.
Consciousness: A Cause For Appreciation
I know the sacrifice was a lot for her, and every single day, I attribute my survival to her magnanimity.
In life we cannot measure the degree of the sacrifice of others, sometimes some people feel entitled, hence it takes away their sense of consciousness to appreciate the sacrifice.
My cousin is someone who never forgets sacrifice, sometimes we function on the same level. While he might expect too much from me, sometimes I try to put myself in that mindset of expectations, because I like being in the shoes of other people.
Learning The Hard Way
Sometimes, love is not spoken. Most of the affection people profess is not beyond social media.
Most times people think they love themselves because there's enough money to go around, but the truth is that real commitment is beyond the things people profess openly.
For example, my cousin was the type of guy who was ready to marry anything pretty and light-skinned after many years of dating experience, he came back to tell me that, he only wanted someone who was genuinely ready to build with him.
He'd seen that some of the things he wanted wouldn't build him a future, for someone who has gone through betrayals, he no longer wants to give his loyalty where it wouldn't be reciprocated or matched.
Expectations & Reciprocity
However, we cannot always expect reciprocity. We'd met good and bad people irrespective of how careful we were, and sometimes we'd go through betrayals. Experience changes everything.
Bad people make good people cautious. At the end of the day, balance is everything that matters, because making sacrifices that might take you to ground zero, takes you back into a different learning zone.
Balance, matters, because goodwill cannot determine or influence the reciprocity of others
Interested in some more of my works
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I agreed with you on the fact that people don't see beyond the amount given to them. They never see the sacrifice of the person who have given them even when it is not convenient. I know some people who go extra mile to make others feel comfortable.
I think the best is for us to give when you can afford and not look for reciprocation or payback. We should give what will not put us in financial distress that will make us regret ever to have done such.
People will always look for payback, one way or another. Either from the people they've helped or from other places.
Our survival instincts are wired like that, unless we actually train or choose the discipline to not bother about reciprocity.
Hmm, this is deep. This mostly happens when we are in dire need of assistance. We often look back to see if the help from those we have supported before.
The moment I stopped expecting reciprocation,the moment I enjoyed my peace of mind even the better. Human beings are different with different mentality. Some never get to see that little sacrifice we made for them nor appreciate it. Some people have been good to me and I know I can't pay them back all but at least I show genuine appreciation because every dime didn't bring itself, someone made effort before getting the dime.
I am also happy for your uncle, he had a rethink of choosing someone who would build life with him rather than pretty and skinny lady..at the end of the day, he will be happy with the choice.
Yes, basically I think it's important to reduce the expectations that comes with reciprocation. It's not everyone that'll exactly have the same frame of mind as us. This is to say that sometimes we might get appreciated, sometimes we might not.
As for my cousin, he's learned that lesson the hard way.
It is true that we cannot predict people's finances.Because this condition of people varies from time to time due to various reasons.
Definitely true
This is just making me remember what a friend did to me and that was why I stopped talking to her.
She asks me for money so many times and as someone who is not stingy, I always make sure that I help her in one way or the other but now I can't do that anymore because I'm now on my own and I have so many bills to pay and now she's angry
It is so funny how she has forgotten how I used to help her before. Why are people like that?
People forget when you've been instrumental to their growth simply because they feel you're not available anymore. Such people are the type of people we should never be affiliated with.
There is a balance for everything and it sucks to see that people don't appreciate what people have done. The only thing we can do is move on and remember them as a person not to get involved with too much. If you can help, then help but if you can help and decide not to, then just move on. It sucks to see that it hurt your cousin but I do think that choosing a good person to live the rest of your life with is a tough thing to do.
There's a balance, true. We cannot influence the course of action of others, people choose to do what they'll do and we cannot change that. We can only do what we can do.
As for my cousin, it's a lesson learned and I'm certainly, he'll hold this dear to him for a very long time.
They call people like that "Yakubu" around here.😂
A way I've learnt to appreciate the little people do for me is by considering how much it cost them to do the things they do for me, not how much the thing they've done for me is worth to me. If someone who earns 1,500 cedis a month gifts me 100cedis, even though that might not mean much on the surface, it means that they woke up, got dressed and went to work for 2 days for me.
How have you been, man? It's been quite a while:)
Hehe, I don't know why this is so, but it seems like it means such a person is an extremely stupid person 😃😃
That's an interesting and unique ways to actually see it. Wow. For me, I just attach a certain pricelessness to the gestures of people and makes me even revere and appreciate what they've done for me. Sometimes I even value their intent more than the goodwill itself.
It's been long like you've said though, too many things have happened. How are you doing?
Haha not exactly. A yakubu is a simp, basically. Your love life in your early 20s must’ve been interesting.
I think this is the better way to look at it.
I’m doing better than the last time we talked. Like you said, many things have happened. I’ve gotten myself into some very engaging stuff offline, that’s why I’m not around much recently. I hope you’re doing well.
Yay! 🤗
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In life, a person has to earn money by himself, he has to work hard, when a person expects from another person, there is always trouble, so it is better not to expect from any other person. If you go, a person will surely succeed one day.