Live, Survive, and Repeat
I paid my rent yesterday, and that financial burden is now off my shoulders. There are many things I need money for, and as someone who dislikes asking others for financial assistance, I am glad I was able to get that one off my back. I received a call earlier today from one of my extended family members, who informed me that they are planning a family reunion of sorts.
To be honest, I do not like seeing those people; if it were up to me, I would leave the neighborhood and go somewhere far away, perhaps change my phone number and disable all access for the time being, just to find myself again. However, these items are expensive, and I cannot afford them.
So I have to deal with these people all the time; I do not hate them, but attending a family reunion rather than taking care of myself and looking for ways to recover is not something I want. However, this is how things are. Nobody cares how you are doing at the reunion.
In fact, reunions are an opportunity for people to demonstrate their success in life.
People want to meet other people when their business is thriving, and they want to share their successes with others, because it appears that the only way to validate your success is to have others praise you for it. My extended family includes people like this.
They spend a lot of time talking about how successful they have become, how their secrets have worked for them, and having other members of the extended family praise them and drink to their success. Consider this. Imagine if wealthy people had to live in their own world, with no poor people to brag about their wealth to. It would be fraustrating.
Humans (we) have many needs, including psychological ones.
This includes the validation people receive from who they have become and the compliments they receive for doing things well. They appear to earn affection and safety in order to satisfy their ego and vanity. For me, self-aggrandizement hasn't always been my thing.
Perhaps this is because life has humbled me in many ways, including the illnesses and loss I have had to deal with. Instead of wanting to be noticed, I usually prefer to remain in the shadows. I tried to avoid long conversations, eating out, and doing many outdoor activities. It was probably bad for me, but I had lost a lot of things and did not think I had the energy to compete with things like people and the rat race, all of which sap energy.
However, there are bills to pay and personal responsibilities to attend to, and I sometimes prefer to do my own thing rather than participate in other people's celebratory games.
I do not want to get angry with these people, or anyone; they are not the source of my problems, and sometimes I just tell myself that to see if I can participate in their activities the way they want me to. However, they are also uninterested in my concerns.
They enjoy it when they ask how I am doing and I say fine. However, when I bring up issues, they become bored and quickly dismiss my concerns. They believe that I can walk, eat, pay my bills, and show up, which is sufficient, and that I should accept everything else. However, I do not blame them; they are supposed to be extended family, which typically means distant, secondary, tertiary, and so on.
These people have functional families, including a wife and children, and they enjoy gathering everyone together to celebrate. I normally would not mind this, but I am not feeling well, and these are not the people I want to see.
I attend the majority of my hospital appointments alone, and I rarely have anyone to call in an emergency; these people are caught up in their own merry lives and living them to the fullest. So, I am just that part of them (extended) that they can not really cut off, and I can not really rely on them to share my burdens, so I am just going to have to deal with it myself. I am getting used to getting things done.
Fortunately, for the past year or so, my illnesses have allowed me to do many things on my own, and the freedom is satisfying. However, I am dreading the feeling of having to seek assistance, which I really do not want to do; I do not want to be in that situation.
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I think we feel almost the same way about this. I do not hate my family members too, but I do not really like the reunion part of it even though reuniting is cool because it helps to spend more time with each other.
During our last family reunion, they were really serious about me bring a husband home, small child like me😅
Also, they sometime see it as a way of comparing our to other people or flaunting their success. This does not only happen in family reunion but almost every kind of reunion
Everyone has what they are going through whether they hide it or not
Well, as for bringing husband home, most parents in Nigeria are like this. Maybe someday you'll find the man they want you to bring home.
For me, I don't really have the energy to talk about things, I just want to be let alone, so I can just do my things in my own time. Unfortunately, family are that way, they want to meet to talk about their successes.
Omo, i hate family reunion like mad, my extended family are monitoring spirits, once they see you're doing well, billing would follow up .
Last December, my extended family organised a family reunion party, i and my parents refused to attend, and these was because of their attitude towards us, they all think my dad has money because he's always looking fresh, so whenever they're sharing family bills or expenses, my dad's share is always tripled. Whenever he complains about they'd start making some crazy comments 🤦♀️.
You're Igbo, I'm igbo as well and a lot of people will not understand the regular problems that an igbo person go through in the hands of extended family member.
For me, I don't want even want to attend because I just lost my only brother and I was terribly sick. Unfortunately they don't care that much and I just don't feel like seeing their faces and all that, but for the sake of Christ, I will.
As for your father, Igbos are fond of doing that, I'm praying for your father that God will keep providing for him.
Igbos just have that stupid bad character.
Last year my dad lost his dad (my grandfather)
Non of those extended family members showed concern, they didn't even care .
During the burial preparations, they contributed 10k and gave it to my dad, for him to use in preparing the burial. In my head i was asking what was the 10k for?, is it to buy pure water or to cook rice 🤦♀️.
Those assholes called extended family members, were dragging for crates of beer on the day of the funeral, very shameless people, personally i don't like them, and they know it .
Thanks dear, God would provide for you too.
Lol I'm from Imo state, and I've been to Ebonyi and some other places I think these guys are all the same.
They don't care who is bereaved, they just want food and drinks and that's all.
I can imagine them dragging for food and drinks when a family is mourning.
I use to tell people that some of these guys are wicked...
I'm from imo state also, that's how those igbo families do, especially the so called elders of the family.
Wow imo state? Where exactly?
Orlu..
How about you?
Oru East actually.. It's very close to Orlu as well.
Wow, we've low key chat in the comment section 😂
This is not really the situation you presented in the post, but it is somewhat related. I sometimes worry about how will things be in my older age, when I'll be more helpless, since I don't have a wife or children of my own. Have you ever thought so far?
So far, I have even thought far than you. Throughout my childhood I've always had to be dependent on people due to my condition, but I grew older and I'm always wary of having to be dependent and as I've grown older I can really not to the things I used to anymore, so yes, the older the less sufficient, and it's always on my mind
It's important that you manage to be independent now given that you have your medical condition that gives you a hard time compared to someone who doesn't have it.
Well, I like to think, I am what I am, and I'm still thankful irrespective of everything, but then, I like to forget everything and just dwell on the thoughts of today alone
Yep, sometimes it's better for the mind to not think too far ahead.
That's tough... I don't have a wife either now thank goodness... The she devil is long gone with most of my money... As we age it's a factor you have to account for. Having some good friends for support is never a bad idea.
Sorry about that! I got used to being on my own. When you are with someone else, you need to compromise quite a bit. And then, what you mentioned can happen... which really sucks!
That's a good point. I have my sister and my nieces, but good friends are important as well.
Maybe someday you might find someone, who knows I guess it's not really too late..
Yeah... I kind of stopped thinking about that some years ago.
It's actually bad how the law tends to favor women alone most time, I'm sorry the divorce affected your finances.
It's a feeling that really sucks having to call on someone for help. I know the feeling my friend. I'm glad you've been able to do thing independently, and I hope it stays that way for years to come!
I don't really talk much with my old friends who are all into how successful they are. They don't care about anyone but themselves and immediate family. I have two second cousins who are billionaires and got the money from a rich father when he died. They won't have anything to do with extended family from the first moment they got the money. Money can do very bad things to people...
Great post, and I hope you're feeling well. Any news on the upcoming baby?
@tipu curate
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Thanks a million
Life is difficult for every person at this time, but the successful person is the person who works hard again and again and continues to work hard throughout his life.
It sucks to have to ask for assistance, but I think it's fine to do so. There is only so much we can do on our own. I also don't like attending reunions as much either. I'd rather spend that time doing what I want such as playing some games.
I guess a lot of people actually don't like attending the reunions, I guess it hardly reunites anyone with anything actually. Well, inasmuch as we all do need help, sometimes we don't know when we're infringing on others
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