Life Update: A Lonely Place
Everything seemed to have gone awry after my only sibling's passing and I lost total control. Let me say I drifted away from life and everything that made it meaningful. I spent more time alone, looking for answers, looking for anyone who was going through what I was going through, but it's lonely and when you become lonely in your pain, it's become a miry place..... tough to get out of.
To be honest, I've lived recklessly, and it only took the loss of my only family to realize that I've been living recklessly, without checks and cautions. I cannot justify some of my previous actions, but they're beginning to haunt me, and one of them has been totally ignoring my health. I won't say I did that on purpose. Sometimes, the frailty of my health equals that of my mental strength, when one thing goes wrong, a lot of things happen too.
It's like a snowball effect, and the fear of listening to doctors or hearing them talk about my body and what could potentially happen made me stay away from hospitals. However, I've recently begun to go, and to be very honest, I've not caught a break. In one month, I've done numerous assessments, and most of the things I feared manifested the way I feared them. I'm currently ill at the moment, but I still have a lot of numerous hospital/specialist appointments.
The thing is that a lot of things have gone wrong, things I could have taken care of if I wasn't running away from the hospital, but it was worth it. I've lived in total peace for a long time, and I've enjoyed the tranquility of not wanting to know if anything was wrong with me. It's quite a different experience from having medications with crazy side effects, bleeding gums, and numb legs and hands.
It's been entirely unwholesome, and some of the assessments I've done have shown that I have neglected a lot of things for too long. I did that because of trying to avoid living like this. In one month, I've lost weight, lost blood, and now trying to recover from looking pale. I haven't lost that much weight in two years, this is because it's apparent I have to stop eating the things I used to. I'm a place of uncertainty, and so many things have gone wrong with me.
Talking about them would be futile and useless, as it wouldn't really matter anymore. One thing I know is that I'm fatigued, and my physical strength does not match my mental capacity, because of the exhaustion. It's a lonely place to be in, and this is the most painful part. These pain, these medical conditions, and these illnesses are strange and new to me, I don't see anyone relating, and it's the silent mode I had to activate that's burning me from within.
I try to live with it, but it makes life generally meaningless. Trying to even compare makes it hard, it makes life unfair. I didn't care to lose, but the greatest loss is losing the people who could potentially bear your burden in times like this. I have taken to my knees, prayers are the only thing that brings comfort, it's probably because crying and talking about your pain to Him who truly understands is the only thing that can be truly soothing. I can't talk about the things that have taken a dent in my life, but for someone who hasn't prioritized wellbeing, I guess, what was I expecting?
A lot of rhetorical questions in my mind. I don't want to keep thinking about the worst, because it's such a bad place. Things have gone wrong. The doctor (s) report is not good, looking at them from some realistic point of view, but then thinking about them will not change them either. I've lost weight a lot, and to be honest, I don't know what's causing it. I woke this morning, trying to reflect, and think about my life.
I can't control what's been damaged, but I sure don't know what to do either, what to expect, and the fear of Uncertainty. I hate uncertainty, and it's such an antithetical place to be in. I didn't really talk about what is wrong, but, I'll just stop here, my mind is empty now, and I just want to keep going, and see how far I can.
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That's true dear friend, if one thing goes wrong a lot of things might follows in the same line, but even as that, it's not a good thing that you seems to give a less time to your health, our health is a thing we have to look at, so that to keep us in check.
True indeed
Yes dear friend.
True indeed
Sometimes,the fear of uncertainties makes us to take some actions and sometimes, those actions might not favour us...I wouldn't blame you for not going closer to the doctor about your health when you were supposed to go...you know, their diagnosis sometimes can make one lose it and even develop high BP... sometimes knowing the truth on time, helps to curtail some things that could get wrong.. however, you are already at this stage where things have been diagnosed and I think you should follow it up from here...I wish you can stay strong amidst the storm... keep thriving, be positive, pray to God daily..he has all the answers you need
I wish you divine healing big Joe 🧡
Thank you, funny thing is, more diagnosis have followed and to be very honest, I don't even know how to process the informations. I'm just exhausted. For someone without a car, running around Lagos, to and fro different hospitals have been challenging. Over three weeks and it has taken it's toll on my body. As for the doctor's place. Well, I guess I choose to live free without being cumbered about my health, sometimes, it just felt like riding without knowing where one is headed to. Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement
I was really saddened by your post! I think you should open the window to let in fresh air and light. Life goes on and it definitely ends somewhere.😇
Thank you
I am sorry about the challenges and pain you have been facing after the loss of your only sibling. The feeling of loneliness, fear, and uncertainty is understandable but know that you are strong, and no matter what know that you are enough. Take care of your health.
Thank you, I appreciate
Always a pleasure
Man, you’ll get better by God’s grace. Stay strong.
I myself have noticed some very unusual changed in my eating habit that I’m hoping to fix. My diet lately has been seriously messed up and if I don’t act now, I might end up regretting the stalling later too.
Hope is what I depend on now, but I guess I enjoyed the tranquility of not being burdened by hospitals, I know if I acted earlier, might be different, now I facing things I can't comprehend the consequences. I guess, change is important before it's too late for you in your own case
Don’t worry too much, man. We’ll be alright.
Don't worry dear. Spend your life well keep in your mind ithat all is well. These days will spend nicely and happy mood. You recover coming days. Your fair is gone next days
Thank you
Always Welcome dear
Be recover
It sucks to hear that you haven't gone past the issue, but I do think you are doing better. I am glad that you can speak out your mind and I hope that you manage to move on soon. I hope your health issues are resolved soon too.
I hope I can manage them well, because managing is what I'm looking at. Though I'm hoping for a miracle.
I hope you achieve more clarity about the current phase you're in and find working ways to get out of it into a better phase that will facilitate healing and recovery. It's always hard to make sense of certain situations when it isn't relatable to anyone but yourself.
Wishing you speedy recovery :)
Thank you, what can I say, everything has changed and this new reality feels sad and unreal and broken. But I can only hope now and pray
I know that He who made you will see you through this trying time. Keep hope alive.
I will, thank you
The pain, the fear, and the uncertainty of life. I have been there, and I still am. I know you are going through a lot, but you are not alone. You are never alone in this.
I have also been sick. I am not talking about malaria sick but a huge sickness that made me stay in bed. I can't move nor pick up my phone to speak or type. I couldn’t do anything, and water was painful to swallow. I felt all these this year. Every month, different sicknesses have curled me in. I have to say I just started getting fully better now, probably 3 months and some weeks now that things are a bit fair with my health.
So, I feel you. And,
This is a big solution to every problem, so keep on praying. And don't forget you have people here.
I'm sorry about all these, it's scary isn't it to be in that place? the fear of not knowing what might happen next. The illness I currently have now are minor, what I'm more concerned is the uncertainty in the assessment of my general health, the things I have discovered are some of the things that scares me. It's like though. I'm glad you were able to overcome and still trying to overcome.
For me, hope is now what I'm holding on to, the gift of life and sound body/mind isn't so free afterall. It's a huge thing to have and nowadays I'm just in my quite place, unsure of what happens now.
Yes, I have to confess it was. The inability to sleep because you are scared if it'll be the last. I felt it. Silent cries of... hmm.
Just be good and keep on holding on to hope. You'll be fine 🙂.
I’m sorry you are going through this and I understand what you meant by people not being able to relate.
I also don’t like hospitals, in fact, I have never been to one except to check up on someone. I have always enjoyed that serenity of not having any medications to follow and most especially, not thinking about any health issue. I just believe that God is my healer.
Recently, I have decided to go for a check up, it is one of my goal next year, I just want to know how my body is doing medically because recently I have been feeling sudden tiredness.
Life is not always fair, it is a fact and it is something that I have come to understand. But there is one thing that makes a man stand which is FAITH. Don't fill your mind with any sort of negativity or any worse feeling.
DESIRE TO BE HEALED AND YOU WILL! By God’s grace.
Continue to have faith, pray with faith, pray and claim it. Faith can defeat even the impossible.
I don't see you as someone who is sick. I see you as someone who will overcome this sickness and someone who will have good health.
Stay strong. ❤️
Well it's superising how we Mostly think of the hospital when something is amiss. For my own health, I acted wrongly by not doing what was necessary. Probably the most stupid thing I ever done. But I guess I didn't really key much into my health situation and maybe this counted as "taking it for granted" I hope you get to have that checkup and obtain Clarity.
For me I'm having to deal with multiple health situation discoveries that aren't benign just because of one check-up.
Thank you, I myself I've taken it upon myself to leave everything for "The author and finisher of our faith"
We are supposed to be quite conscious of our health.
I understand. Regardless of any conditions, you won’t be consumed. Now that you are aware, you will be paying attention to it.
Thank you.
A hard time to think especially after the demise of your bro. Sorry man. But I think you should try to worry less and be positive while looking for the remedies.
I am glad you have recently begun to go. Hopefully, things will work out well. Better late than never.
You're right.... Positivity in the face of trying times. A lot has happened, I guess it's what I can point to. I'm generally a positive person, I just can't see to know why it's this way nowadays. However, thanks for your kind words. I truly appreciate them
You are welcome bro.
Hmmm!! You are a very strong man boss, sometimes life throws challenging moments at us to see who we really are and I bet you from what you wrote up there, you have tried.
I may not fully comprehend what you are going through but I have had a little taste of a challenging moment before. Sometimes, we feel, running away from our problems and reality may solve our problems but the truth is we cant run forever. Don't beat yourself for avoiding the hospitals all those while, it's normal, it's hurts so much to see that you don't have the liberty you crave for and then something is there constantly reminding you that you there is a loophole in your life, Not everyone can cope with that.
I am so happy that you finally decided to face your fears by visiting the hospital again. What I want from you, is stop running from it. You do not desire to be in whatever situation that you are in, you didn't buy it from the market. Stop thinking that life is unfair to you. You might be going through pains I know but please find reasons to be happy and enjoy the life you have. Hating life would only complicate things, I am not saying you should embrace what is wrong with you No, but in the midst of this chaos find reasons to proof to life that circumstances can't pull you down.
It will be well, like you already started keep tabling your worries to your maker through prayers, only him knows the depth of the pains you are going through and I know he wont neglect you.
I have this favorite scripture, "therefore i say unto you, whatsoever you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them and you shall have them." (Mark 11:24.)
I just want you to know that this phase of life would pass, it will history someday and you will use your experience to encourage others
Doctors can be very crazy when it comes to telling you exactly what is wrong with you. Anyway, don’t be scared and remember that life is important so make sure you don’t ignore how you feel. Go to the doctor and talk about it. You’d surely be good
Brother. Honestly, I felt bad reading all these things now. This shouldn't be happening to anyone, let alone my brother. We might not be talking as such, but I've known you for a long time. See, bro, I respect you so much. You are a strong man. I want you to know that this time will pass. Things will get back to normal. I hope you believe that you don't have the control to your life. It's in God's hands, so I believe he would heal your wound. Stay positive. Make yourself happy. Don't isolate yourself. There's no problems above God. I love you bro.
True. Shouldn't be happening to anyone, but life happens and sometimes some people have it good, some other people do not. I've had my share of both stories, and I wouldn't wish for anyone to go through this. Like you said, God's in control and I believe this too. Thanks for the kind words
You are welcome brother.
Maybe simply start from here. Go from here towards where you want to go.
Of course, thank you, I will
You're welcome. Sometimes it helps us to write things out to clear our minds while communicating and expressing through and to ourselves.
Life gives us so much and takes away so much, thus life teaches us and helps pave the way. So you have to be patient without breaking down in danger. You have gone through a great stretch. Although you may not have been able to judge good and bad back then. But now you should get on with your situation. It's good to know that you have taken care of your health now. Always trust in Allah. be happy,Thank you👍
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You are a strong person. You have to keep on with being positive and keep going. This time will not last till tomorrow.
This time is very tough. Whenever someone passes away with whom one has spent a long time, then the life of the person starts to pass in the same sad way as your life. This time is passing. It happened to us in 2018 when our mother passed away from this world. Everything was like this. Nothing was good.
I have had these sensations at various points in my life, and from time to time they become recurring and come back to me, fortunately the music and the company of colleagues here at hive have extended their arms to show me that I am not alone, and now I want Know that the same thing happens with you, and to celebrate it, I just want to share a song with you, which for me is the best way to express my good wishes.
I'm a rocker and that's why I share this song with you, sweet child or mine! but in a Spanish version, which you probably don't know and is quite exotic.
Thank you for sharing the song. Sure, experience in life can make us feel saddened by life's occurrences and we just have to find a way to cope