Surviving the pangs of depression: roles of society & loved ones

The elephant in the room remains our troubling thoughts we mostly confine to ourselves, letting it eat deep into our marrows, scared of rebuke, castigations or even being laughed at. We all have had depressing thoughts at some points and its effect could either depend on the magnitude of the cause of the depressing thoughts or how much we can handle such troubling thoughts. While some of us can shake off depressing thoughts easily, some others get caught in its web and may consider extreme or radical reactions such as withdrawal or even suicide.

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The world is currently ravaged by unfavorable living conditions plunging a significant fraction into abject lack not necessarily in terms of tangible resources but even the intangible inadequacies or lack of which almost everyone is a victim. A very close relative recently opened up to me on how he has been battling an ailment for more than a year and has kept it to himself and away from family all because he did not want to put us in a worried state. Painfully, he opened up when the ailment had gotten unbearable for him meaning he had suffered long in silence and secondly, he is putting himself at a risk of poor prognosis due to late presentation or actions. Right before we put all the on him, speaking up is one of the most courageous acts to put up. It takes a lot of courage to own up to an inadequacy or a shortcoming largely because we are much concerned about what others would think about us. But, beyond my brother, a significant number of people suffer from one problem or another which could be a sickness or even a mental torture from losses such as from loved ones, jobs, or even relationships.

From my practice of medicine, I see a lot of troubling ailments once considered diseases of the elderly now voraciously ravaging the younger generation, bringing a real cause for concern. Beyond health, the economies of our societies have been mentally disturbing as citizens now live from hand to mouth. My African colleagues and some other developing countries can attest to the difficult and harsh economy ravaging the common man. Yet, we all dust our shoes and move on like nothing happened. Painfully, there is little we can do but, that little could mean a lot rather than giving in to depressing thoughts.

The need to live in the company of others as a social form of life has been from time immemorial. Our everyday life is largely dictated by the social community we live in. The need to live by set standards or the desire to be counted among those considered above average. We are often compelled to want what others want, be like others, and even be rated more than our contemporaries. Oftentimes, we bury the inadequacies and swallow the shame of being who we are and camouflaging to adapt to the world's standards.

Men especially in my clime are unconsciously assumed to be strong and should swallow in silence the many hurts they are undergoing. Though men are considered less emotional beings, a lot of thoughts remain unreleased and trapped in our minds. Men hardly speak up and would rather let the thoughts cause havoc to their mental states. Away from the male gender, women equally bear burdens probably stronger than men would have borne a physical weight. An example is in marriages, the burdens and responsibilities of the average marriage or family in Nigeria are borne by the wives. Women often see the inarguable need to fend for their children and would go to any extent to ensure such is satisfied.

And would you blame people for keeping things to themselves when their discussions can be played out to third parties rather than a solution being sought by those they confided in? Only a few mature people hold troubling confessions of victims of depression to themselves and work towards finding a solution. A good number of people are in the habit of broadcasting the weaknesses of others and when the victims hear of such from third parties, they likely lose trust and confidence in disclosing their hurts and pains.

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it is vital to admit by all and sundry that everyone around us has a troubling thought and we are not having problems in isolation. A reminder that people around us bear varying degrees of burdens should prompt us to rebuke the urge to silence. The foremost goal is to identify the root cause of depression and accept the state the individual is in. Rather than accepting defeat, it is plausible to seek out solutions to the root cause of the depression. We need to have a consciousness that we all have challenges and we need one another to solve our peculiar problems. Stigma can be painful but in the midst of all, there are likely a few who would stand out and help out rather than stigmatizing. Some people feel more comfortable talking to strangers while a few people have trustworthy friends to confide in. It is usually surprising to know that nothing is new under the sun and another individual may just be going through a similar or even worse situation.

A good friend of mine often wears a charming smile and I wonder if he ever has problems. This is in contrast to me who readily reflects on my face all the burdens I am facing especially when I am not seeing a way out. Beyond owning up to depressing thoughts and conditions, it is vital to take a positive look at life. Speaking up and out does not always guarantee a solution however, it brings about an identity and care from those we confide in. Simple gestures such as availing our presence, and giving hugs or words of encouragement to our loved ones make them feel safe and confident to open up further without rebuke or blame games.

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Creating awareness equally entails identifying those suspected to be depressed and reaching out to them to comfort and identify with them. This involves identifying unusual attitudes and behaviors of those people close to us and prudently reaching out by words, letters, or even our presence. Society should place major emphasis on bringing to the public an awareness of mental health to the public who may be suffering from mental illnesses without even knowing it. Creating awareness could equally be incorporated early in school curricula as well as discussed more frequently to encourage those suffering in silence to have the boldness to open up about the hurts and pains they have been enduring. Social support groups would equally go a long way as well as finding engaging activities such as games to ameliorate the depressing thoughts.

I hope society can be a haven where we all can be confident enough to discuss our hurts without fear of stigmatization or outright rebuke.

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