Pangs and processes of adoption disclosure..... If ever

The breaking of news to me as not being a biological child of my parents would like every bad news to bring an array of painful and hurtful feelings to me. Nonetheless, I would appreciate them for being good at not making it obvious I was adopted since all the years. Bad news has different effects on people and even at different times. While in medical school and in psychology, we were exposed to various possible emotional reactions to bad news, which are shock, anger, bargaining, denial, and acceptance. Even if not all those mentioned therein, a few could be used to describe my emotional reaction to hearing that I am not a biological child of my parents.

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Shock remains the foremost response if I hear I was adopted. This would bring about disbelief and likely pinching myself to reality, perhaps thinking it was all a dream. My head would become heavier than a rock, and a headache would likely develop right before the gush of flooding thoughts and emotions. I would likely take it as a joke initially, and until I see the seriousness or evidence of being adopted, I would want to believe. Surely, disorientation and loss of appetite would follow through, wondering if this was all a dream.

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Yes, I would be angry for being deceived all these years. I would feel betrayed and lied to. I would definitely want to put the blame on someone. Was I admitted because my parents could not conceive? What was their reason for adopting me? I would equally be angry at my biological parents, even if I didn't know them. I would probably be angry at myself for not noticing the red signals. This is the point I would likely try to do some mathematics to see how I missed out on those red flags. My anger would likely be spread to even my siblings. I would also enquire if I was processed through the right channels of adoption or even enjoyed optimally the benefits other children in the family enjoyed, such as naming ceremonies and attending good schools. I'm likely to find fault in every step along the way of my upbringing. I would probably wonder why it had to be me that was adopted and not any of my other siblings.

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Gradually over the space of time, my emotions would begin to abate, and I may enter into a phase of denial. I would consider the shock and anger as a phase of initial response to sad news while I begin to reconsider why I could not have been adopted. This would mean I would access photo albums to compare attributes such as physical appearances. My next action would be to demand a DNA partnity test to confirm I am not a biological child. This would probably confirm my denial and lead me to my next state of mind—acceptance.

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With prevailing evidence of adoption, I would be compelled to accept my status of adoption into the family. I would feel awkward relating to my siblings and even my parents. I would probably feel I am at their mercy, and a sense of detachment would readily build. I am not sure I would be comfortable seeking out my biological parents.

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Emotions could drive one agog, probably making one lose balance. A recount of the love and care I had received from my parents and even siblings would encourage me to show my appreciation both in words and in action.

Thank you for reading. I would love to have your comments and contributions.