My views on unnecessary financial burdens placed on older children by parents - LOH contest number # 148

I was a first-hand beneficiary of my elder brother’s benevolence, which came about automatically without being delegated by our parents. I am the fourth child in a family of five, with an age difference of a decade between me and the first child of our parents.

Good enough, my brother had a fair-paying job after graduation as a professional, and it was easy for me to run to him for financial assistance when my parents were not forthcoming. I did this occasionally to receive a double amount to meet some other needs I could not disclose other than tuition and upkeep, which came inconsistently from them.

I once had an argument with my dad about his responsibilities, and I told him what he did for me was part of his responsibilities as a parent and not to be seen as though he was rendering help. Parents have the responsibility to train their children to a level at which they can stand on their own. Every intention to bring a child into the world should be backed up with plans and provisions to nurture to maturity those extra numbers of children that come in after the first. Unfortunately, many children are born without conscious plans for their growth. It is true that nobody has money stored up for nurturing children, but the level of one’s available resources (with prospects in mind, of course) should influence the number of children to have and the type of lifestyle they would enjoy.

In northern Nigeria, it is common to have many children due to the available land resources for farming, which was a common practice during the pre-colonial era. The more children you have, the more hands you will have to cultivate your farm or run your business. This narrative has, however, been reversed as the world has become more civilized and the economic impact has taken a near-negative toll on families. Personally, I would prefer to have two or three children that I can nurture conveniently and comfortably, giving them the best education and lifestyle, rather than having five or more, where the burden of training them to independence may be unbearable.

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I believe that directly or indirectly pushing responsibilities onto elder siblings is a mark of irresponsibility. Too harsh? Let me state that being responsible means having the "ABILITY TO RESPOND" and if, as parents (assuming no negative life occurrences crept in), you have done due diligence in making family plans and responsibilities, there would be no reason to put such on the elder siblings. This does not, however, mean elder siblings cannot willingly choose to be supportive of their younger ones or be cajoled to do so to relieve the burdens on the parents. My position is that delegating responsibilities should not be a compulsion but rather a choice.

When I become a parent, it will be my joy to nurture all of my children to independence. Of course, I will appreciate it if any of my children support me, especially in terms of gifting one another, but not as a relegation of responsibilities.

Oftentimes, I have seen children live their lives without regard to appreciating their parents for the responsibility roles played on them. A child can never repay their parents’ laborious efforts, especially because time cannot be reversed. Let us assume all the parents could afford was a thousand dollars to raise a child until he was able to fend for himself. Would you think that the child should repay the parents the same amount or even more? What if the parents had not spent at all or given insignificant support, and the child ended up with little or nothing to show for life? Would we be talking about a payback?

I do not believe it is necessary to pay back parents’ laborious efforts, especially when it means going beyond what one has. Do not get me wrong, and permit me to expatiate further.

I believe a child should be responsible for their parents, even when they are not deserving. The gift of life alone from our parents is one that cannot be repaid. There are many undeserving parents (especially fathers), but this should not influence us to show little or no regard as responsible children. Being good and supportive to parents is a responsibility, not to be seen as though we are paying them back. When my parents have compromised health, the love and bond between us automatically propel me to action. This is not a payback, but a responsibility.

Most parents do not want to be a burden to their children, especially when they see them struggling. In fact, they would not even ask but would appreciate the little that you give or gift them. My show of love and responsibility does not come regularly to my parents but rather spontaneously, especially when the need arises.

Do we then raise children so that they will be our securities in the future or at old age? The fact that you were responsible to your parents is unfortunately no guarantee that your children will be responsible when you are old. It sounds like a sense of entitlement from our children. I believe we should give our best to the children we brought into the world without their consent or opinion and work towards having a healthy retirement at an old age.

Children often have their struggles at the adolescent stage, and it will be inconveniencing and a burden to them to make unnecessary demands.

I am of the opinion that two adults in a marriage have the open cheque to define their roles as responsible parents and raise responsible children.

Thank you for reading. I would love to have your comments and contributions.