...She Said About Me

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We come to realize often enough that we can’t truly know ourselves unless we see through the eyes of other people. I don’t like to take people’s words a lot of times about who I am or what I represent, because often times, people could unwittingly tell you all shades of who you’re not, and if you accept that and let it get to you, then you’re in for something that may or not be a lifelong tragedy.

However, when it comes to physical attributes, I think most of what I came to know about myself was told to me by people. I wasn’t self aware for a long time, so a lot of things people told me about myself came as a shock to me. It was when we did this partner activity for English class in junior secondary were you chose a partner and wrote an essay about how he or she looked, their personality and whatnot, did I realize things about myself.

Maybe if it was a guy that I was paired with who wrote those things, I wouldn’t have paid it any mind. But because it was a girl, I took extra care to check the mirror afterwards for whether or not it was true. Small ears, wide eyes, wide lips, pointy nose, a shoulder tilt, and all of that. I was astounded and even confirmed from those at home that the things she wrote in her essay about me were true. Of course, the stuff she included that weren’t exactly ideal and I could change like the shoulder tilt, I did. But the rest were just right and made me more confident about it.

When it comes to a character trait that someone has told me about that I didn’t know or maybe I did but refused to accept was being judgemental. So, my friend, a day after I’d had this hour long conversation with our friend group, came to me and said. “You know you have a very judgemental personality, right?”

My first instinct was to bristle with anger because I didn’t think that was true in the least bit. I think I was about seventeen or eighteen then and the fact that someone would think I was that heavily flawed made me feel some type of way. But with an uncharacteristic act of patience, I went quiet and urged her to continue.

She basically said that I wasn’t directly judgemental. In the sense that I don’t directly say, “What you’re doing is bad, you should be ashamed of yourself.” But that what I did was to talk about myself in a way that clearly spelt out that I could never do what that person did or be in that situation the person found themselves. Then she talked about the fact that I hold onto my ideals very strongly. That I already have these set principles and values in my head, and I’m not open to accommodating anything else. That I judge squarely on those ideals and don’t give room to what others may have gone through that put them in that position.

It was a hard talk. And to be honest, I was defensive. I’ll at least admit that I didn’t go saying, “Oh, thank you so much for telling me about this. I’ll do better.” At least not immediately. I was defensive, acted hurt and even mad, and then walked out. But then I got back home, took a shower, and willed myself to think with an open mind. When my conscience wants to get at me, it calls me out in the firmest of ways and I had to listen to myself criticise me and give light to everything my friend said.

It was a long road but I promised myself to get better and that’s what I’m still doing. No, I’ve not yet gotten the hang of putting my ideals away to accommodate everyone’s thoughts. But, I don’t go out directly or indirectly making people feel terrible cause what they did or want to do doesn’t tally with what I believe in. At least I try to.

So, that’s it, my entry to the questions posed by the Hive Naija Community. Just realized that I technically answered both questions. Have a lovely day, everyone.

Jhymi🖤


Image is mine.

Posted Using InLeo Alpha



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14 comments
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I certainly believe that alot of changes had occurred since you made a promise to yourself to change. I always say this, life is not constant, we humans are not consistent either, and without change there will be no room for growth or development. Yes, people will tell you your flaws and all, but its left for us make room for adjustments or changes for growth or we will be stagnant. I enjoyed reading your piece. 😊

!discovery 36

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That's exactly right. And I'm learning each day to be a much better me than I was the previous day. I'm glad you enjoyed reading. It's always a pleasure to see you around. Thank you for your support and have a wonderful day.🥰

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When it comes to traits, it's not necessary what others say need to be true. If we take it seriously it may make impact but we should consider also if they said right or wrong.

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That's exactly it. You don't need to take it hook, line and sinker, but you can check for how valid or true it is.

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I also used to be judgmental because I would never do a thing, so I had this attitude of judging those that did without knowing the reason behind their attitude.

I almost argue with the person that told me the first time.
We can't really know everything about us; sometimes we need genuine people to hold the mirror for us.

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Yeah, that's quite right and if we have people that care about us to inform us of when we're acting out, that's truly worthwhile. It's something we as humans could do by default- being judgey. But curtailing it makes our social life much better.🌺

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Critics and judgements are always around us, I do not discard them completely and neither do I put too much of my mind on it. After all no one is perfect, we all have our own flaws in some or the other way

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That's true. It's necessary to apply wisdom when dealing with criticism and judgement. Know what to keep and what to throw away. It's lovely having you here, friend. Have a lovely day.🥰

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I love the fact that you had to go back home digest and analyze how true the person's observation or opinion about you is before working towards changes, most times people do misread especially when they do not know you on a personal level.

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Exactly, and you want to know what is wise for you to follow. What is constructive or destructive criticism. Lovely to have you here. Have a wonderful day.✨

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