RE: Silence
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You captured the loneliness of caring for someone with Dementia perfectly. Obviously, in my case there was no guilt associated, but the scene in the bath is something that only experience (or exceptionally imaginative skills ) could portray.
As for the guilt, why is it that the guilty need to unburden even in the most extreme and vulnerable circumstances? Why do people need to hurt twice? What is forgiveness? OMG…see, you’ve unleashed so many “whats”. Of course, that’s what a really good story should do, and this is a superlative example of good.
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Hello my good friend @itsostylish,
They just held a memorial service for my brother (this past Saturday). He died of dementia at a residence. It broke my heart. I could not visit him. I could not go to the service. Air travel is impossible for me now, and the one trip I tried to take with my daughter did not end well. We had to stop short of the mark.
I know my sister-in-law could not care for him by herself, but he wanted to go home. They always want to go home.
So, as is always the case with writing for me, I was working out my emotions, the right and the wrong of residential care. It's such a hard thing.
I know you cared for your uncle. I know this is close to you. It is to many families.
Writing is wonderful, because it lets us hit the sore spots without wounding (I hope).
Thank you for your insightful comment.
I'm so sorry for you loss, @agmoore. You are quiet as a church mouse about these things. But you endure. You carry on. And your life experiences, your losses and your amazing mind emerge in your writing. You do have an incredible gift with words, and you use it well. Writing offers a way to take the most angst-ridden, grief-causing stuff life sends our way, and turn it into art. Incredible.
All that said, losing family members is horrible. I'm just so sorry. I wish you were nearby, and we could just sit and chat over coffee, and you could tell me about your brother and what he was like in his younger days, before his dementia. I hope those memories remain strong. May your brother rest in peace.
Thank you, @jayna. I'm grateful I can usually express myself through writing. It is imperfect, but works much better for me than conversation. I can stop and think when I write, Do I really mean to say that? When I talk, there is not as much control. I tend to blurt out what comes to mind and that can be very inconvenient.
My sister-in-law asked me to write the obituary. That was a great gift. At least I participated in a way that mattered to her, and that allowed me to process my thoughts. She knows my heart and trusts its intention.
Thank you for your heartfelt words. I read them before going to sleep. We did have coffee, virtually, and afterwards I had a sense of peace--and gratitude.
♥️
I struggle to contemplate the pain you’re going through with so many, incalculably, losses. Ultimately, we will meet on the other side. I’ve always thought that the other side is a gift worth spreading.