You won't be knocked down forever - Can I get an AMEN?

If there was anything I loved about music, it was its ability to speak to me about whatever phase I was going through. It seemed like for every challenge, there was a song to describe it. My mother always said there was nothing new under the sun, finding songs that related to what I had gone through was just a confirmation.

Because of this part of Rani’s Amen;

have you ever had a broken heart, that time won't even heal
Because you’d rather feel the pain than say goodbye….. Amen - RANI - Lyrics

I remembered the time I was betrayed by a friend of mine and because I was too timid to confront her, I stayed with the heartbreak, enduring the pain while she lived her life as freely as she could.

She wasn't even aware that I knew what she had done.

It was an early Monday morning in 2012 and usually, I went to school at 7 am because I was the assistant assembly prefect. Lara, one of my friends who lived close to me happened to be the games prefect so we walked to school together until one morning when everything changed.

I walked through the dusty path that led to Lara’s house and upon arriving, knocked on the iron door.

Her father opened up and told me Lara couldn't come with me that day because she was down with malaria. For 2 days, I had to walk to school alone.

On the 3rd day, I was trudging through the dusty path when I heard someone call out behind me. It was a tall, light-skinned boy who I had seen around once or twice. He had our school uniform on with a leather bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hi there,” he was grinning from ear to ear, beads of perspiration sliding from his low-cropped hair to the insides of his collar.

“Good morning” I answered him.

“My name is Max, I've noticed you walk to school alone. Can I walk with you?” I nodded.

We walked together in silence until we got to the school gate, “see you around!” He called as I waved goodbye.

Throughout the rest of that week, he walked me down to school and even started walking back home with me. Lara never walked home with me, she attended extra lessons after school instead.

When Lara was finally well enough to resume school, she was upset that Max had to walk with us, especially because I paid him more attention than I gave to her. Lara and I barely had what to speak about when we walked to school together.

Eventually, she stopped walking to school with us. She was always either eating or about to take her bath when I came around to call her.

I didn't even notice because I had Max.

On one of those days when I returned from school, my mom called me and sat me down to give me a thorough boys' education. I was wondering what warranted such a discussion, not until she asked what I was doing with Max.

“Max?” I repeated trying to be sure. When she repeated the question, I knew she was not joking. I told her everything I knew about the boy.

“And why didn't you deem it fit to tell me about this boy all along?” To be honest, I didn't think Max was a big issue, which is why I never spoke to her about him.

Thankfully, my mother knew the kind of child she gave birth to which is why she came to ask me first when Lara told her I was now seeing a boy called Max.

At the end of that conversation, my mother asked me to stop walking with Max so it wouldn't give me a bad name.

I lost my friendship with Max because of Lara’s jealousy and funny enough, I learned that Lara and Max started dating just a term after that incident. That was the first heartbreak I experienced not just because I was crushing on Max, but because I lost 2 friendships to someone else's short-lived crush.

Every time I think about that incident, I realize that despite having been a long time, I still feel as hurt as I felt the first day I learned Lara was the one who made a false report about Max and me to my mother and was the same person who ended up dating him.

But just as Rani sang, I didn't stay knocked down forever, only the pain comes back every time I go down that memory lane.