Through my Lens

Staring at what used to be my precious garden and my favorite place in the world but looking at the now dry and weed-infested garden broke my heart.

“Everything is going to be fine”, I said to Grace.

“Everything will surely be fine sis, don’t overthink it”, Grace replied.

Deep down in my heart, I wished I could believe my words and that of Grace’s but I couldn’t as I knew my fate already, I knew how everything was going to play out.

“Did Jasmine and Harry tell you when they’d be here?” I said pulling myself out of my chaotic thought before it caused me more harm than good.

“Harry said they’d be here by 3 pm,” Grace said whilst smiling sadly at me.

“Okay then, I’ll be in the study”, I stood up and headed to the study.

“Alright”, Grace replied.

Getting to my study I quickly picked up my journal and started writing, “Day 35….”
Writing the number of the day made me chuckle, it was the 35th day of living with cancer that couldn’t be cured.
I flipped the pages of my journal and I chuckled again. I stared at the various pictures that I have attached to it over time and all of them made me smile, these pictures took me back to when the events happened and it was nice to see how much of my life I have documented.

I couldn’t believe that I had documented every day of my life since the doctor broke the sad news to my family that I was going to die.

I remembered his exact words as I lay down on the hospital bed, I remember the pain in my son’s voice and I remember my daughter’s scream.

The doctor broke the news with the saddest voice that I have ever heard, they all thought I was fast asleep but I heard everything.

“Mr. Harry, Mrs. Jasmine I am sorry to inform you that your mother does not have much time to live as the cancer has spread and it’s slowly killing her, I am so sorry, please accept my sympathy”.

I remember biting my lips so hard that I almost bled. My heart was shattered, I couldn’t believe that I was literally given an expiry date by a doctor. I felt so much pain that day not because I was dying but because I was leaving my precious family behind.

I was brought back to reality by the sound of my pen hitting the ground.

Ever since the announcement of this sad news, I decided to spend more time with my family and loved ones, enjoy every moment with them, carry out all the activities on my bucket list, and keep a journal where I can document my daily life in writing and in pictures and so far this decision turned out to be the best.

I feel so sorry for my family. It is going to come as a big blow to them but I know they’ll get through it.

I looked at the time and it was almost 3 pm, I smiled as my children and grandchildren would soon arrive and we would be going to the water park.

While I waited for them, I quickly wrote in my journal, this has been my life for the last 35 days, and surprisingly it’s been both interesting and exhilarating.

“Grandma! Grandma! Where are you?” I heard my grandkids call on me.

“ I’m in the study I called out to them”.

Gently putting my journal away I opened the door and standing right in front of me were my grandkids, the kids I had prayed for and nurtured. Tears rolled down my eyes but I quickly cleaned it.

“Grandma, take a look at my new Barbie doll, isn’t she pretty?” Lilly the youngest of them asked.

“Oh yes my darling she’s such a beauty”, I replied excitedly.

Gently leading them to the car we made our way to the water park.

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We laughed, danced, played in the water, and had so much fun.
Standing with my Cannon camera in the park I am taking pictures of everything and it gladdens my heart to look at my beautiful family through the lens of my camera.

I might not be here to see my children and grandchildren grow old but if there’s one thing I am going to continue to do is to live in the moment and make every day count.

What do I see
An elderly woman with a camera trying to capture every moment.

What do I feel?
This woman is paying rapt attention so she doesn’t miss anything.

_{All images are mine except otherwise stated.}