The not so easy Journey

You know it’s crazy how our mind works, our mind does a lot more than we give it credit for. It has the power to create and at the same time, it has the power to destroy instantaneously.
It’s surprising how just one picture, just one event or moment can leave a lasting effect on us and can also influence the way we react to certain things.

It’s so easy to say “Let go” of this and let go of that but in actual sense, it’s so hard, harder than you can ever think or imagine.

Letting go can be seen as you waking up one morning and telling me to stop thinking a particular way or to stop doing a particular thing that I have come to do or think over time.

I’ll share a little story with you all.

Growing up I was always afraid of the dark, I’m not talking about not being able to sleep with the lights turned off, no, I’m talking about staying out till it was dark. How did this happen? I’ll share it with you all.

As a child I witnessed my Aunt’s house being robbed by armed robbers, I saw the weapons they used, and I saw how they manhandled my uncle and the security man. As a child that event was so clear in my head that it got stuck there so staying out late was a No, No for me.

I grew up and it became worse, worse because I was in college away from my family. At home, you knew that your parents could fight and protect you but in college, you were all by yourself far from Mummy and Daddy, you were to face the monsters all by yourself. As if the universe was after me, my fear of the dark tripled when I witnessed my neighbors being robbed.

I stayed in a storey building in college so one could see what was happening in the next compound. I saw the robbers, I saw their guns, I saw their masks and I heard their voices. They weren’t robbing my house but that night I almost died out of fear, I had seen those scary scenes I saw in movies play out right before my very eyes.

Ever since that traumatic event, you’d never see me outside beyond 7 pm, in my head if they could rob a house with people in it what could happen outside while I was on the road? I’d imagine so many scenarios in my head and immediately kill the idea of staying out late.

There’s nothing in this world that you’d say to me that would make me stay beyond 7 pm and if by accident I stayed beyond 7 pm the walk or ride home would be a very fast one as I would want to get to my house as quickly as possible.

My friends always complained that I was so boring, some questioned why I would hang out only during the day, and others teased me that I was a married woman who wanted to go tend to her family but I didn’t care, I was out for my mental health and safety, not people’s opinion.

As a result of my fear of staying out late, nobody invited me to parties, sleepovers, or game nights because I’d politely turn them down.

As I continued to constantly live in fear I knew deep down that it wasn’t healthy and I knew I had to get rid of this fear and emotional trauma somehow before it got really bad.

When I decided to take the bold step of letting go of the two traumatic events I had witnessed, I had to first tell myself that it was never going to be a smooth ride, saying that I am letting go of that trauma today and being brave the next day was just totally foolishness and self-deceit on my part. I knew I had to put in the work and be patient, I also knew I was gonna slip every now and then because there’d definitely be triggers but I was ready for it.

The first step in letting go of any emotional or physical baggage is to tell yourself the truth. You have to first tell yourself that the ride will not be as easy or smooth as you think it in your head, but you would put in the work anyways to get to your desired point.

In a bid to get rid of my fear I had to renew my mind, I had to be positive and change the narrative. One thing I told myself and I still tell myself is that, just because something went wrong one time doesn’t mean it will keep happening and honestly this has been working for me.

I made a conscious effort to get rid of the traumatic event little by little and that included me actually going out and coming back unharmed. I repeat our minds are more powerful than we think, so if you start by renewing it you have been able to solve half of the problem.

Moreso, Celebrating your little wins. Did you take those baby steps? Did you fall and take the steps again? By all means, celebrate.
Anytime you see you’ve progressed in letting go, celebrate, and congratulate yourself as you are a step closer to letting go completely. Instead of whining and sulking about how poorly the process is going why don’t you celebrate as that would spur you to do more.

Letting go is never easy but it is very achievable and it starts with your mind.

All images are mine except otherwise stated.