Unfairness or expectations

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Unfairness doesn't actually seem unfair when we understand what is someone's main focus behind being unfair to you. Mostly when we say that someone has treated us unfairly, we target someone close to us like our friend, sister, parent, relative or anyone.

Why do we feel that someone has treated us unfairly?

I recently entered my 20s where people are almost adults, and I have learned that nothing is unfair until we call it unfair. We put expectations on people around us and when they don't meet our expectations we just say "Oh they are being unfair to us".

Somehow in my past and maybe even in my present days, I find myself in a situation where I say that someone has done me injustice, but why did I expect so much from them?

I was also one of those who think that people are unfair to us, but a certain incident happened in my life and it changed my perspective from unfairness to expectations.

In college and university, we meet many new friends but when you have an old friend in your life who has been with you for years and has helped you in every situation, it is just a blessing.

I also had a friend who stayed with me for about 8 years from my primary school to university life, we experienced everything together and even chose the same degree. It is impossible that we did not fight during this period but we never had fight for more than 3 days.

What was the incident?

When we joined the university we made new friends and we formed a new group of 5 people. I'm really good at ignoring things so when my friends fought for some reason I stayed quiet instead of fighting.

They divided themselves into two groups and my friend was standing in front of me in the opposite group but still, I thought I need not to worry much as she would always stand by my side and she would not do anything bad to me even if she is part of the second group and maybe her presence there will help to end the fight very quickly.

But fate had other plans, one morning we had a small cash with a member of the opposing group which resulted in me jumping into the incident and holding her hand. I was stronger so obviously I won even though I didn't hit her I just held her hand to control her.

But within 1 hour I found out that the news of holding her arm became the top news of our university and my principal sent his guards to take me to his office, lol. Guess who complained about me? My childhood friend

It wasn't a big deal because I was used to with all this special treatment but what shocked me was what my childhood friend did to me, did I really deserve it? Shouldn't her first concern be to ask me if I really did the voilance with her or was it a misunderstanding? What if I'm really wrong, she's been my friend for 8 years and she hasn't even asked me out. What kind of friendship is that?

I'm good at dealing with situations like this but I kept quiet just to let my so-cold friend win the game. The principal of my university called our parents and gave us warning letters with the punishment of cleaning the university's main storeroom, and it took 6 hours a day for 3 days to clean the storeroom.

But well, after this incident, I learned that there is no such thing as what we call unfair, everything revolves around our own expectations.

And if you really want peace of mind, I suggest you call it an expectation, because it will hurt less than it hurts you when you feel you've been treated unfairly.