Immigration is a hard full stop to friendships.

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(Edited)


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  I wanted to write about that yesterday, but I could only write it today since it was a holiday here yesterday. But I had time to read some posts before writing mine and it gave me some more fuel to think about this subject a bit. I think one of the consequences of migrating to another country, like me, is to push the reset bottom of friends very "hard". It isn't easy to maintain relationships at a distance. I would say that despite having only ONE good friend at the moment that I migrated, still it was a very important person that was left behind. This friend was my friend since childhood. We had similar tastes in entertainment and also we have always stuck during the summer vacations.

  Eu queria escrever sobre isso ontem, mas só pude fazê-lo hoje, pois ontem foi feriado aqui. Mas tive tempo de ler algumas postagens antes de escrever a minha e isso me deu mais combustível para pensar um pouco sobre esse assunto. Acho que uma das consequências de migrar para outro país, como é o meu caso, é reiniciar a sua lista amigos. Não é fácil manter relacionamentos à distância. Eu diria que, apesar de ter apenas UM bom amigo no momento em que migrei, ainda assim foi uma pessoa muito importante que ficou para trás. Esse amigo era meu amigo desde a infância. Tínhamos gostos semelhantes em termos de entretenimento e também sempre nos encontrávamos durante as férias de verão.

  I guess that since we were almost 10 years old we started to hang out, both of us had some problematic anti-social parents. He had a very controlling mother that didn't allow him to play with other kids, only me (I don't know why). And in my end, my parents, mainly my father, never enjoyed traveling a lot and for some reason, when other kids invited me to go with them to travel, he didn't allow me to go. So in the end, mostly during the summer, it was just about us stuck in the building where we grew. I also had some problems with creating new friendships at school, like I mentioned in my "school post" and the few friends that I made there, they used to live in another part of town, so I didn't have much how to hang out with them, since again my father was lazy to help me with that when I was young. So even when I was a teenager and I had more freedom to travel around town, I preferred to hang out with this friend, to a local movie theater, or play video games, which were our favorite hobbies. During my younghood in university also he was the friend with the most similar taste in doing things. I met some people in university, but still, they had very different tastes, I didn't like to go out to dance clubs mostly, which some of my friends liked to go to.

  Acho que desde que tínhamos quase 10 anos de idade começamos a nos encontrar, pois ambos tínhamos pais problemáticos e antissociais. Ele tinha uma mãe muito controladora que não permitia que ele brincasse com outras crianças, só comigo (não sei por quê). E, no meu caso, meus pais, principalmente meu pai, nunca gostaram muito de viajar e, por algum motivo, quando outras crianças me convidavam para viajar com eles, ele não permitia que eu fosse. Então, no final, principalmente durante o verão, ficávamos presos no prédio onde crescemos. Também tive alguns problemas para criar novas amizades na escola, como mencionei em meu "post sobre a escola", e os poucos amigos que fiz lá moravam em outra parte da cidade, então eu não tinha muito como sair com eles, já que, novamente, meu pai era preguiçoso para me ajudar com isso quando eu era jovem. Portanto, mesmo quando eu era adolescente e tinha mais liberdade para viajar pela cidade, preferia sair com esse amigo para ir a um cinema local ou jogar videogame, que eram nossos passatempos favoritos. Durante minha juventude, na universidade, ele também era o amigo que tinha o gosto mais parecido com o meu. Conheci algumas pessoas na universidade, mas, ainda assim, elas tinham gostos muito diferentes. Eu não gostava de sair para danceterias, que alguns de meus amigos gostavam de frequentar.

  I will be frank when I met my wife, I started to change a bit my relationship with this friend, I started to spend more time with her, but still I tried to find a once-in-a-while some time to chat with him and do things with him. Mostly things that my wife didn't enjoy doing, such as going to the theaters to watch superhero movies. My luck was that he also met a girl, and we also started to hang out as a couple, going to our or their house. It changed again when my daughter was born, you start to dedicate a lot to your kids when they are born, so difficult to hang out with friends. But still, we could meet once in a while.

  Vou ser franco, quando conheci minha esposa, isso começou a mudar um pouco meu relacionamento com esse amigo, comecei a passar mais tempo com ela, mas ainda assim tentava encontrar um tempo de vez em quando para conversar com ele e fazer coisas com ele. Principalmente coisas que minha esposa não gostava de fazer, como ir ao cinema para assistir a filmes de super-heróis. Minha sorte foi que ele também conheceu uma garota, e também começamos a sair como um casal, indo para a nossa casa ou para a casa dela. A situação mudou novamente quando minha filha nasceu, pois você começa a se dedicar muito aos seus filhos quando eles nascem, então fica difícil sair com os amigos. Mas, ainda assim, podíamos nos encontrar de vez em quando.

  My immigration to Canada gave a dramatic stop to our relationship. We still try to talk to each other using WhatsApp, but it is hard to maintain a full conversation. I barely know what is happening in his life. The last time I was in Brazil, we met, we talked a lot but still I had to come back to my life. When people ask me if I miss my life in Brazil, that's the only thing that I miss in addition to the weekend barbecue with family. I miss my friend and this family event, that's it. Everybody says that when they move to another country they make sacrifices. That was my sacrifice, I wish I could bring him, I tried to I promise. Not because of me, I think he would have a better perspective in another country, not necessarily where I am, but he has his own barriers that make him not go with this idea. Still...I wish I could be able to add more fuel which I know was reduced to dust.

  Minha imigração para o Canadá interrompeu drasticamente nosso relacionamento. Ainda tentamos nos falar pelo WhatsApp, mas é difícil manter uma conversa completa. Eu mal sei o que está acontecendo na vida dele. Na última vez que estive no Brasil, nos encontramos, conversamos muito, mas mesmo assim tive que voltar para minha vida. Quando as pessoas me perguntam se sinto falta da minha vida no Brasil, essa é a única coisa de que sinto falta, além do churrasco de fim de semana com a família. Sinto falta do meu amigo e desse evento familiar, só isso. Todo mundo diz que quando se muda para outro país faz sacrifícios. Esse foi o meu sacrifício, eu gostaria de poder trazê-lo, eu tentei, prometo. Não por minha causa, acho que ele teria uma perspectiva melhor em outro país, não necessariamente onde estou, mas ele tem suas próprias barreiras que o fazem não aceitar essa ideia. Ainda assim... gostaria de poder adicionar mais combustível, que sei que foi reduzido a pó.



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8 comments
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Lives drift apart, even when it's just a change of city, so I can imagine how much harder you feel.

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Yep! It is hard but life goes on...I am always busy with lots of things...my focus is my family right now...

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Yeah...
Nothing hurts more than knowing you have to say goodbye even though you don't want to. No matter what, we all will grow and have to find our way. This comes with getting responsibilities and building other relationships. It all comes with with being an adult and having to make the tough call, eventually there is the likelihood that we all will grow apart and nothing we do might be able to stop it.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

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Yeah! I just commented on something similar in another post! lol our life has different stages, and that brings other friends...it is just difficult that one friendship survived lots of different stages in my life, and now despite not being official, we finally aren't close anymore!
Cheers and thanks!

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I know this too well... My childhood friend who was my neighbor ever since we were 1 year old and was/is like a sister to me moved to Stockholm many many years ago and sure we still keep in contact by sending SMS to each other on Christmas/ New Year or when either one of us has a Birthday and we try to meet when she comes home to visit her parents but that's it, I don't have contact with anyone else I went to school with or were friends with before.

But that's just life, people grow apart and move on with their life.

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Yep! It happens!! We all die alone ;)

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