The Conditional Love of a Nigerian Parent.

Parents parents parents. Or let me say, “Nigerian parents”. The most amazing person. I can't speak for everyone. So whatever reference I give here is for my parents. They love and protect their own. They plan the future of their children and hope to give their children the best. A Nigerian parent can go above and beyond for their child. This would have been perfection if not for that one of the many flaws they have. Ego.

A Nigerian parent is always right. I don't know what parenting in the rest of the world is like but here in our motherland, you dare not confront your parents. The day you try to, you will be hit with the cliche Bible verse: Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). This verse comes in handy for average Nigerian parents and that is if they don't call a family meeting to report you.

But Mom, I honor you. There are just certain things you do that I just have to confront. I have feelings too.

So while growing up as a kid, my mom was my best friend. She still is but we argue more now. I was her sweet little baby. My Existence is a reflection of who she was. I was the only tiny piece that reminded her of how good her childhood was. I was a living nostalgia.

I told my Mom everything and anything. She never judged me. Even when my Dad did not understand, she did. She walked me to school, made me lunch, bought me snacks, and hugged me. At this point, I and my Mom can conquer the world.

Things started to change when I hit puberty. I hit that stage where I needed more privacy. I wanted people to knock before entering my room. I needed people to get permission before taking my things. Everyone understood, except my loving mom. To her, I'm beginning to hide something, In her mind, she should be an exception. She kept coming from the angle of “Why do you need your privacy if you have nothing to hide?”.

I had explained a lot of times that I was growing up, experiencing new things, and going through a series of emotions all at once. Whenever she barges in and I confront her, in her eyes, she does no wrong. I had to live with it.

A few years later, I am in my 20s. I now have a source of income and live alone. Now I have my privacy. I thought the problem was over. Do problems ever end? I guess not. Maybe not in my case cos another problem began. Entitlement.

My mom especially, feels so entitled to every income I make, left to her, I'm still a child and not wise enough to make financial decisions. She wants me to work and give the money to her. Of course, I objected. And because of that, I would hear things like “You are rebelling against your parents, it won't end well for you”.

Mind you, I support you every month, I give what I can, after paying ridiculous bills. Sometimes my dad tells her to chill out. My dad doesn't care about how much I make, he has enough to take care of himself and his family. My Mom, on the other hand, wants to eat the “fruit of her labor”. I had to live with it cos my Mom never came to realize what she was doing. I never got an apology. I kept paying and paying. Her love became conditional.

The last straw was when I had a long break and went to stay with my parents cos I missed them. I was so happy to see them and they were happy to see me as well. Before I came home, I withdrew cash and put it in my purse just for when I needed it.

I counted out this money, just to be sure of the amount. When It was time to use some cash, I went to my room to get my purse and I just thought to count the money. A few thousand naira were missing. I recounted and it was the same. It was a full house. So I went to the living room and asked everyone if they had taken money from my purse, but nobody around there admitted. “I’m the one” a voice from the kitchen shouted. “I used it to buy more things in the house”.

I just stood there and said nothing. My privacy was violated because she entered my room to find my purse and she never thought of asking me before taking my money. I ignored it cos there was nothing I could do. The next day, it happened again and the funniest part of it is that my Mom doesn't deny it. She admits to taking my money.

She doesn't see it as a wrong thing to do. To her, it is her daughter's money, and she should have access to it. On the third day, it happened again!! At this point, I was fed up and I confronted her and told her to at least respect me enough to ask me before taking my money. The only response I got was “It's not like I denied taking your money”.

That statement hurt me. We had a heated discussion and I decided to leave earlier than I planned. My Dad called me to apologize on her behalf but she never did. To date, my Mom hasn't changed. I love her. I guess This is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life. If you can relate, you are not alone. Thank you for reading ❤️

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