Creating A Balance; My Minimalist Approach To Friendship.
Living moderately is one of the goals of a minimalist and truly, there are times when we unknowingly go extreme with the things we do and we don't realise it quickly. Anything outside moderate can bring results we don't want and sometimes, we might feel like why did I do a particular thing in the first place forgetting that we have gone too far with whatever we are practicing.
Embracing the minimalist lifestyle is a choice I made, I carefully checked the positive impact of it on me and embraced it. I don't think I have overstepped the lines with my minimalist lifestyle and when I almost did, I was quick to call myself from going extreme. If as a minimalist, you are not happy then there must be something you aren't doing right.
At a point in my life, I noticed that I have lost so many people I used to call my friends. I usually comfort myself with the fact that they didn't love me for who I am but in reality, I was the one cutting off ties with everyone.
I am not talking about all my friends in general but there are some who will stand by me no matter what I was going through. These guys were there for me even at my lowest point in life and I know how much effort they invested into seeing that I was at least doing okay. I am not the type who loves to chat a lot on social media and due to our busy lifestyle, I don't get to see these good friends often so during holidays or special events in our lives, we meet up and chat, talk about lives and how we can come in for one another.
Attending events wasn't my thing naturally but for my friends, I always try to be there until I felt like going out to events, crowded places were becoming a burden for me. Living on less, managing resources, and other minimalist ideas of mine didn't give room for excessive outings. To make things worse, these guys reside in other states.
I remembered in 2019 when one of them travelled to Lagos just to make my day special, she spoiled me with cash and I wouldn't forget the beautiful memories from that day. Another instance was a family ceremony in another state, a friend of mine actually left his state just to be with me that day and his presence really helped me. These guys were always there for me and I messed up because I went too far with my idea of minimalism.
To cut the story short, I start missing out on important events in my friends life and one of them was a wedding because it was happening in another state and I didn't bother reaching out to her because I thought she wouldn't listen to whatever I had to say.
She also didn't contact me after the marriage and it didn't bother me.
The same friend who made my silver age birthday special also marked hers, she had a small celebration and I didn't show up. She is the type that can disturb a lot with calls so I just barred her number intending to call her at noon but guess what, I forget.
Later that night, she called me with another number and I was shocked at her reason for calling.
"Hey, George. Are you alright?", She asked.
I was speechless for a few seconds because I didn't know what to say. She went on to tell me how worried she was because it was unusual for my lines to be unreachable.
She didn't ask why I didn't attend the party, she just wanted to be sure that I was alright and I had to apologize because my conscience wouldn't let me be.
There are lots more of these and when I realized that I was unnecessarily cutting off my friends, I had to create a balance.
I told myself that even if I can't go through all kinds of stress attached to travelling, I can always make up for not attending instead of cutting them off because I think they won't understand me. I made them see the reason why I can't attend their events all the time and made sure I do honour their invitation once in a while.
Since I explained how inconvenient travelling was and others, they only invite me to a very important event that doesn't happen always. I was able to mend the damaged relationship with a few of them and we are friends again.
I feel glad that I haven't lost all of them before realizing that cutting ties with the people who stood by me always wasn't a minimalist approach to friendship. Being able to even influence some of them in a minimalist way makes me happy the most, they see things from the minimalist angle and sometimes, I am always like wow, when they tell me that they are doing away with something just to manage money and other resources.
Cutting ties with people is not a minimalist approach to relationships, if they aren't cool with your approach to life and they walk away themselves, that's okay. Understandably, they left and you didn't ditch them because you assume they won't understand you. As a minimalist, people who seek our well-being, add value to us, people who are always there for us should be made to understand that we aren't doing things deliberately to make them feel unimportant in our lives and for me, showing up at every party wasn't convenient and I am glad that those who really valued our relationship understood me.
Outside the outings, we are always there for one another and that's more of a proof that I appreciate them in my life.
You realized it before it's too late. Friends play a important role in everyone's life and in your case you got many real friends in your life where many people is still searching for a true friend. You created a balance which was necessary.