Sexual Compatibility Rather Than Adaptability

Marriage is not all about sex, but as small as sex might be to some people, it can, and has destroyed marriages. While there are no publicly available statistics to show the percentage of failed marriages in our society that are due to infidelity, you all would agree with me that infidelity plays a significant part. There exists a lot of anecdotal evidence to back up this claim. So much so, that people now hammer a lot on the need for sexual compatibility in marriage. But my question is, how would you know that you are sexually compatible with someone before opting to go down the aisle with them?

The answer is quite simple, right? Jump into a sexual relationship with them and then decide if you want to do forever with them! This would be in addition to them ticking the remaining boxes that have nothing to do with sexual compatibility. In other words, someone can fulfill all your sexual fantasies as far as sexual compatibility is concerned and still not be the right person for you because there is so much more to marriages than sexual compatibility. So, what happens after tasting the cookies and you discover that you are not sexually compatible? The answer is also probably simple, you jump to the next trial.

For every unsuccessful trial you make while exploring society for your sexually compatible partner, you lose time and resources, and your sexual experience gets widened. Your taste evolves and someone who ordinarily should be compatible becomes a misfit. It becomes an unending loop and the chances that you will get a spouse this way become infinitesimal with time. Many end up compromising by marrying for something else aside from sexual compatibility. After all, marriage is not all about sex. A little infidelity to augment one's sexual desires wouldn't hurt, right?

In his journey to become one of the greatest underwater swimmers, French freediver Guillaume Néry didn't start with exceptional breath-hold abilities. Instead, he trained systematically over the years to build his lung capacity, mental focus, and control over oxygen use. Early on, Néry practiced “static apnea”—holding his breath in still water to train his body to adapt to low oxygen levels. Gradually, he combined breath-holding with underwater dynamics, pushing his limits in small increments. By learning techniques to slow his heart rate and relax his muscles, Néry extended his breath-hold time to over seven minutes, achieving unimaginable depths.

What does Guillaume Néry's story have to do with sexual desires? The answer is adaptability. Man is a product of genes and his environment. We can summon our inherent ability to alter our physiology and or morphology to suit the demands of our environments. In genetics, this is known as phenotypic plasticity. Through training and other conditioning, Guillaume Néry was able to get his body to adapt to living without breathing for more than 7 minutes. Some of us can't do it even for a minute.

The principle of phenotypic plasticity can also be applied to libido. Everyone who desires marriage and is not interested in using trial-and-error premarital sex with different partners to find a sexually compatible spouse is better off adapting to the libido of their spouses. This adaptation may not come quite as easy as being said. However, marriage is all about compromises and sacrifices. Those with average libido may not have to do much to adapt to their spouse's libido compared to those at the end of the spectrum. However, if Guillaume Néry can achieve such a feat that sounds otherwise impossible, this should be a piece of cake as far as phenotypic plasticity is concerned.

Just as it would take discipline, time, and sacrifices for someone to train their body physiology to be able to hold their breath underwater for more than 7 minutes, training one's body physiology to become sexually compatible with one's spouse takes a lot. Those who are already exposed to premarital sex may find it more difficult than those who saved themselves up till their wedding nights. I presume as well that it would be more difficult for someone with low libido to meet a partner with high libido at the midpoint.

In conclusion, those who desire marriage should leverage on phenotypic plasticity of the human body to adapt to their potential partner's libido rather than engaging in an endless cycle of trial-and-error cohabitation in looking for Mr or Mrs right. Remember, it is one thing to be sexually compatible while it is another thing to be maritally compatible. Find someone you are maritally compatible with, get married, and adapt to their libido while in marriage. If both of you work towards it, you will definitely meet midway.

What do you think?