Where your underpants live
It's a personal place, intimate and unique to you, a private place where you can be the real you without external influence and interruption, a retreat...and the place where your underpants live.
No matter where I've lived or called home being careful and cautious with who I've permitted to be there has felt right. Why? See above...my home is my personal space and I'm disinclined to compromise it by bringing the wrong people there.
I'm a private person, selective with who I spend my time with, and that extends to who I permit into my home - I don't actually like people here to be honest, it feels like an invasion of my privacy. It's my place, somewhere I want to feel safe and comfortable and a place I feel quite within my rights to protect, I mean from a security perspective and from an emotional point of view as well; that's why so few are permitted within it and those few are weighed and measured prior to being invited - They have to feel right and be the right fit.
We all set up our homes to suit our practical needs but they're also places into which we pour our emotional selves in various ways: Decor, art, photos, mementos and other keepsakes, scents, furniture and so on; they feel right to us, comfortable, and I think it's completely acceptable to exclude people who do not match. Right?
There's only a small group of people who I'll allow here and they've had to earn it, they need to be friends (not acquaintances) and I need to feel a vibe from them, something I can't explain in words I guess, it's more of a feeling. Interestingly, those I allow here all have a similar ethos in respect of their own homes and I respect it, as they do my own.
There's so many things about our homes that make them ours, create the tone, mood and feeling they leave us with, it's not just about where our underpants live, it's deeper than that...although it doesn't get much more intimate than one's underpants I guess. Our homes are (almost) a sacred place or so I feel and I believe that feeling is something we are well-within our rights to protect and conserve and to make special by being selective about who walks inside.
Do you selectively invite people into your home like me or are you less concerned about it? What makes your house feel like home and how long did it take before that feeling settled upon you. Have you moved home and realised your new one feels different or regretted the move? Feel free to share in the comments below if you're interested.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own
This is the first time I've ever seen this written anywhere. And it's exactly how I feel. Up until just now, I thought that I was the only one. Not that I mind being different.
Thanks for explaining it so well.
It doesn't make sense to me that a person would open their home up to random people they didn't trust, it's a personal space. Some do though I suppose.
Home is home there is no place like home. Home is not just a building but where family and love is being felt and given.
Cheers
Home is that for sure.
I have similar characteristic features and I am afraid that this might lead one to loneliness in the future.
Being selective with who comes to one's home doesn't mean one can't have friends.
Filipinos are not selective. They always welcome the person even though it's just acquaintances.
That's one way to go.
Yes.☺️
Hi Galen, I have two "sacred" places for me, my home and my office. My life has made me appreciate these two spaces. When I left home I had to live for some years sharing apartments with other people and I never felt that these spaces were really mine. Maybe that's why I appreciate my home today. A space where I find privacy and rest. And, when I don't find it at home, if I'm not working, I always have the recourse of seeking privacy and rest in my office. Greetings.
I am of the same mind and I think it can affect the mood of my home when people are there, besides my partner and I. It happens from time to time but mostly only for BBQ's and in that case we're outside in my alfresco area and it doesn't seem as invasive.
I point out one more disadvantage of living in an apartment in a big city: I can't invite my guests to be in my outdoor area 😁.
Haha, yes that's true...and often even with apartments that have a balcony it's not large enough to do much with it.
No, it's not a very good idea to have barbecues or parties on the balcony of my apartment 😄. Have a great end of the day.
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I am like, or might be worse than you. I don't really like inviting people, even friends to my home. I would prefer we go to a neutral location like a restaurant. I feel vulnerable when other people are in my home.
Yeah, that's what mostly happens...we go out somewhere. Now and then I'll have a BBQ or something and that's done at home, but I prefer to not have people here. My cat Cleo is a little afraid of people, except me and my partner, so it's also uncomfortable and a little scary for her when people are over, so I try to limit it.
You're absolutely right G.. your home is your absolutely personal space... I respect the way your have boundaries
It's important for a person to stand for what they believe in; so that's what I do.
Absolutely, you have inspired me a lot because I was contemplating on a decision... I really believe in it and so I will stand for it Thanks G.
I am tapping the heels of my work boots together right now. You know what I am chanting...
Lol...I can imagine yes.
Home is.... You said it all, a sacred place, a tower, a safe haven and a place more intimate than even my underpants( I can be alright without underpants but not so, without a home). Home is where Love stays and whenever one feels threatened or restless in one's home, then it's no longer home.
I am a very private person and I make acquaintances, lots of them but just a handful of friends and these very few, are the ones I welcome into my home.
No underpants! (Ok, I do that too sometimes.) 😁
Seriously though, I think it's acceptable to be selective with people including those we allow into our homes; especially those people. People seem to want to play their lives out in public; a cry for validation, relevance or attention? I'm not sure, but keeping things private is a better way to go and certainly one's home...an intimate place, should be reserved for those who deserve it.
I agree with you 💯
I feel the same way when bringing people to my home. It's a process, a level, which someone has to earn, to be invited to come over; no matter the reason, no matter how important it may be. And it's been like this since my teenage years actually. I've only allowed a handful of friends to come by, in all these years; out of the hundreds of people I know.
It's the best way to go because once someone comes there they know more about you and information is power. It's best to reserve the home for people one trusts, (not that a person can fully trust anyone I guess) and preserve the home as a "sacred" place to the owner and those who reside there.
Ain't that a fact?
I agree! Our homes should be a safe haven. The more private it is, the better; for ourselves, our family members, and loved ones.
My home is my sanctuary and that's why not many people enter it, I select who I want to enter. It is my space, I am myself with my emotions and feelings embodied in that space.
My art, my things and above all my cats make it my home, the presence of my family.
As soon as I walk through the door I feel safe. That happened to me in my home in Argentina and here too. I make the home myself.
That's why I understand you perfectly. There are many people who prefer to spend time away from home ... My case is the opposite.
I don't regret the move, I am calm and happy here.
I get it and figured if you saw my post and chose to comment that you'd say what you have above. One's home should remain off-limits for any who don't have the right to be there...unless they have a pass...I have one.
And I have mine!🤣
Fuck, you have one too!
Of course and it is personalised🤣
Home to me is a sanctuary and I take serious exceptions to who gets in. My family, and two colleagues from way back, are the only ones I allow come around.
That's smart, best to keep it to only a few, those you trust and feel comfortable with.
My wife and I have a pretty small group of friends to begin with, so it's not a ton of people we have coming into our homes on a regular basis. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years it has become even less. First it was Covid, then the issues we were having with our elderly dog. We need to get some new flooring installed before I will feel comfortable inviting anyone to our house again. When we first moved into our current house, I would frequently just lay on the couch and look up at the cathedral ceilings and think "I own this". It was kind of mind blowing.
It got way weird around the covid situation, it affected so many adversely, the staying at home thing. I liked it though, I feel so content in my home and don't mind if there's no one else there, meaning friends.
Most of my friends group tend to prefer meeting outside of our homes (other than for BBQ events), and we're all really respectful of each other's privacy. That doesn't mean we don't hang out at each other's homes from time to time though.
The pet thing, my cat doesn't like people, is scared, other than my partner and I which is one reason we tend to limit people coming to our home.
That makes a lot of sense with the cat. Oddly enough, some of our friends aren't as meticulous about keeping their houses clean as we (mostly my wife) are. Given that fact, we actually don't mind not being invited over sometimes :)
Yep, that's another aspect for sure.
Being a little lazy and happy wherever I am, I have only lived in 3 places since moving out of my childhood home. So, I have settled in so well at each place that it definitely feels like home.
I used to love having people over whether it was casual hangouts or overnight visitors from out of town. That changed when I ended up with 2 more of the worst room mates you can have. Kids. Those shits mess everything up, leave everything everywhere and the place is a perpetual disaster. There would be a couple birthday parties a year that would motivate them to tidy up and those are the consolation prizes I have settled upon.
Now, I just make myself available in the community and do the visiting.
Hmm, yeah I don't have kids personally but I get it, they are messy little buggers at times. I don't know their ages but I suppose they'll grow up and leave at some stage and you can have your house back! 🤔
Haha yah. That used to be the consolation prize before housing prices / rent quadrupled and starting salaries stayed the same. Growing up is inconvenient, authority is an insult to their self worth, and they are too impatient to stick with anything that takes time to produce results. They are not moving out any time soon I suspect. ;)
Haha, yep indeed. I was out of home and on my own (with my girl) at 17.5yo and had to grow up fast...I think back then though (1987) young people were different, more ready, equipped. I was anyway. I never looked back from that early exit...best thing I did.
I'm very selective, o think since I moved in my new rented house I invited only few friends, I like staying with people but I must confess inviting people at home stress me because the house in my opinion always looks like a mess ( I know this is not reality but Im worried people see my house and think bad of it) even when I clean it at my best 😂 so I prefere stay in my house with my cats and husband and a big pajama as outfits , house it's where I can be ugly in peace.
It's a haven, a place we can be our true selves without prying eyes or judgemental perceptions and is somewhere we should abe able to feel comfortable. For my that can be ruined if others are there, like they're invading my personal space. People come over now and then, but I try to limit it and am very selective as I said above.
I have a cat also, Cleo, and she's a little frightened of people other than my partner and I and so we take her into consideration also and so we have few people here.
Thanks for commenting, I appreciate. It.
Same here, I think less than 10 people have been to my house, including family members and loved ones. Too private a person I guess. ;)
Yep, that's how it should be.
I criticize my pet a lot for his inhospitable attitude towards visitors, but deep down we are the same.
In my country it is not customary to warn of a visit, and that makes me a nervous tick, I tend to be very territorial with my things, I do not know if it is good or bad, but I admire people who always receive you with good character and happiness, sometimes I have to pretend that when it comes to people outside my circle.
My house is my refuge, my den...sometimes my neighbor tells me that she misses me....
My husband and I are quite selective when it comes to invitations, this space is more for family...maybe for others it's different.
I don't like unannounced visits to the point of rarely even answering the door when the doorbell rings. My friends, (people I'd actually let inside) would always call ahead rather than drop in so I know that whoever is ringing the bell (unannounced) is someone I probably don't want to see. Sometimes I'll take a look through the window and check but usually I just ignore them until they go away.
You are more difficult than I am...😃
Good thing you don't live in Cuba, the Cuban is usually too familiar and not educated under certain rules of coexistence....
What angers me the most is when they knock on my door and seem to knock it down, then I receive them with my worst face...😂
Excellent evening to you
I'm not unfriendly, quite the opposite in fact, but I like my privacy and don't take kindly to it being encroached upon.
We moved into the apartment we live in nine years ago.
It is also the third place in my life where I have stayed.
First was my parents' apartment, second is my cottage and third is this apartment.
This apartment is our place to escape, our refuge 🙂
We incorporated a part of ourselves into it. Our wishes and our needs.
While we were preparing the apartment for moving in, I made some of the furniture myself: closet (the wardrobe where our underpants lives 🙂), kitchen...
We chose the furniture ourselves according to our wishes...
Everything in it was selected with a lot of love and attention.
And that's why we both love this place of ours.
When we travel somewhere, we usually stay in hotels of a higher category, however, when we return to our apartment, we are happy because it is "Our place".
When I was at my parent's house, as a kid, I threw a lot of parties. On that occasion, many people came to my apartment (at one time there were over 60 of us). Now that I live in this (small) apartment of ours, that is no longer the case.
There is no space for so many people, and honestly, we don't even have that many friends whom I would allow to move around the whole apartment.
To it we invite only rare people (selected), our friends with whom we visit each other.
It's the same case with me 🙂
I don't like unannounced visits.
And when guests (friends) come to us, they come at the exact agreed time. I don't like them to come before the agreed time, nor to be more than 30 minutes late (which is actually not even according to etiquette).
It's all that love and attention that makes your home yours and somewhere (I feel) should be protected, the feel, mood and tone of it I mean.
I think we might be a lot alike in many ways and I'm not surprised at anything you've said on your comment.
I decided to limit the time I spend outside and spend more time (when I'm not at work in my home) in that way I grow the love for it. My home my be where my secret parts and deeper refreshment resides. There shouldn't be any other place more refreshing than my home. If that happens, then there's a problem.
I love how you emphasize the emotional connection we have with our homes. It's more than just a physical space; it's where our memories, values, and identity reside. Selectively inviting people in is a way of preserving that sacred space
It seems you agree with my post. Many have also done the same.
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