Imagined Letter from a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor to His Successor

Hi,

Before you get alarmed, let me tell you that I'm not upset with you. In fact, I'm incredibly grateful to you, even though we're still strangers. You've been my salvation, as without you, I would still be struggling in a world from which I might never have escaped on my own. So, thank you!

I'd like to repay you by giving you the chance to avoid the depths I've experienced.

You've been together for a few weeks now. I suspect you're living the happiest time of your life, and you firmly believe you've found the one destined for you by the heavens. The harmony is perfect; she’s attentive, looks up to you, adores you, praises you, showers you with gifts whether you want them or not, and the intimacy is an amazing experience. She has enchanted your family and friends. You're her closest confidant, and she has shared how terribly her previous partner treated her in an extended, horrible relationship. She has even revealed a few secrets to you. You're her savior! The perfect woman, beautiful, sexy, and intelligent. Who could wish for anything better? You love her, admire her, and are crazy about her! You've hit the jackpot, and the euphoria is endless. Enjoy every moment! I think shortly after the first intimate encounter, she already professed her love to you.

You can't even understand who that monster was that didn't appreciate this fragile, beautiful, whole-hearted girl. Who could harm such a blessed creation, someone who is adored by everyone around her?

Let me tell you what's happening. She's currently creating your profile. She started doing this even while she was with me and reached out to you. She's assessing your empathetic abilities, your needs, your relationships, their quality, your attachments, your opportunities, and your limitations. Like a computer, but much more precise. She's taking a snapshot of you in this happy, heightened state, to which she'll later compare everything. Because at this moment, you really are her dream man, which you'll believe. And she's already laid the most crucial foundations for the addiction you'll develop.

I understand your concerns now, and it's entirely valid to be skeptical. However, take a closer look at her human relationships. How does she talk about her parents, and what's her relationship with them like? What does she say about her children, and how does she communicate with them? Does she have friends, or are they just acquaintances? But there are plenty of them, right? Is there anyone she's in a close, trusting relationship with besides you at this moment? How long is the list of her past relationships? How important are appearances to her, especially how she looks herself? How important is it to her, what people think of her? What's her online life like?

Have the first alarm bells started ringing? Not yet? The evil ex is driven by revenge, disappointment, and bitterness. If you think that's the case, then set this letter aside for a few weeks or months and revisit it later.

The period of love bombing has come to an end, which typically lasts for about 6-9 months. So don't be surprised if something didn't go according to her expectations, it's entirely possible that she engaged with someone else during this time, maybe even with me. Your profile is ready and in use. She's increasingly relying on you for more things, giving you more tasks, which you willingly accept because you adore her. When the first conflict arises, you'll step back, not wanting to hurt her. Slowly but surely, she'll occupy all your time. Then comes the first criticism, something that wasn't an issue during the initial period.

Why do you have stubble? Why do you have a beard? Why do you meet your friends and colleagues? Why aren't you here when I need you? Why is your child more important to you than being together with me? Why did you have that beer in the evening? Why didn't you clean the bathroom? Let's use your car; don't you think I'm going to pay for it? This is very stressful for me! Do it, I need to rest! I don't care that you have to work; you left me here while I'm sick!

And then you start doubting yourself, wondering how you can be such a jerk when your dream woman is here, and you're not giving her what she wants.

And when you do give in, the rewards come. This completes the formation of your traumatic attachment. The cycle of punishment and reward, to which you'll become addicted, much like a drug.

At this point, hell will break loose, because you'll start seeing her true face behind the perfect mask. There will be more punishment, and fewer rewards, even though you desperately crave those rewards.

She'll use every tool at her disposal to completely subdue you. She'll destroy your human relationships, your dignity, and your self-esteem. She'll dismantle or make it difficult for you to achieve financial independence. And you'll assist her in this because you so desperately need those rewards. She'll manipulate you, sometimes behaving as if you don't even exist. She'll gaslight, discard, threaten, and even blackmail you. She won't hesitate to do anything to ensure that you serve only her. Lies, cheating, denial of reality – to her, you're just a resource to exploit, something to deplete, a tool to use up. It was always your purpose, and you are dependent on her. If not financially, then emotionally, she has bound you mercilessly.

And she will wring the last drop out of you. And then, like a used tissue, she'll toss you in the trash. Because the moment she realized you were at the end, she started scouting for her next victim. There are no real feelings here. But she has learned how to pretend as if there were.

My friend, welcome to my world! If you've reached this point in your relationship with her, it means I'm definitely free. And you can't say that I didn't warn you in time. Now, pray that she also chooses her next victim wisely after you, because there's a chance that even though you'll be devastated, you can escape. You don't even have to write this letter, just forward it. Because the pattern won't change, only the prey.

All the best,
G.

I took the pictures myself. The text was originally written in my native language and partly translated into English with the help of ChatGPT.