I’m 42 and thriving

Monday, 27th of May 2024 [117]

Happy birthday to me πŸ₯³

Haha πŸ˜‚

This past weekend I went on a shopping spree! I bought lots of new clothes, new backpack and had a haircut. My excuse?

No other motherfucker with spoil me on my birthday, so I need to spoil myself πŸ˜‚

When I started seeing my holistic healer at the end of summer last year, he took my date of birth, plotted my numerology chart and said:

You’re at the end of your 6th cycle. Things are challenging for you now, but you’ll see a shift in your life once you complete that cycle around your birthday time (plus minus half a year).

I wanted to believe him. I really did. But I was at such unhappy place at that time that I found it really hard to believe that life can be bright again one day. I really wanted to…

In fact, the decision to seek help from external source was just the step in the right direction. Arty really kick started my healing journey. His holistic approach to health was just what I needed at the time. Not medication, not pity party, but I thorough change in all planes of existence.

He started from clearing my energy field, then cleaning my diet, cleaning my mind from damaging thoughts, cleaning my body with a thorough detoxing massages, smoothing out those little aches that showed allover my body as it was flooded with cortisol I produced abundantly at that time.

Your attitude sucks! he said to me in the second session. My bestie loved it when I told her about it. We laughed and laughed in the car on our way to yet another London dance adventure. He’s so right! she said. You can’t keep punishing yourself for all the seeming mistakes you’ve made. You’re way too hard on yourself she added.

I was. I am. I have always been. It’s no coincidence that the job I do is quality inspection. Quality over quantity. I live my life by this rule. That’s how you grow as a person.

But they both (and others before them) were right. There is a way to always strive to get better without hurting myself in the process. Without the constant guilt that became so ingraved into my personality. Covered by cockiness, defence and confidence.

To let go of guilt was the hardest thing I had to overcome in my life. Purely because it’s been with me my whole life and almost invisible to my own eye. I needed an outsiders perspective on that. I needed someone to point it put to me whenever the sneaky pattern showed up again… and again… and again. Literally at every single session with Arty. I can’t say I’m completely rid of it, but I’m much more conscious of it and much quicker to let it go whenever it shows its ugly head again.

Fast forward 9 months and a child was born!

Their name is Hapiness

I longed to this for so long and when I posted Actifit report for the first time in 3 months on my alt account I was still very sceptic. I wasn’t sure if it was real or whether the trip to Polish mountians just very temporarily flooded my body with endorphins.

The exercise.

The views.

The conversations.

Cold beer at the top of the mountains.

The blue skies.

The greenery.

A little fall down the mountain? A little blood and knee bruised like back in my childhood? Who cares? πŸ˜‚

Polish mountains have a way of sneakily bringing the happiness to your life. My childhood friend who took me for this beautiful hike healed her broken heart after her divorce a few years back in those mountains. I’m sure it’s not just the case with Polish mountains, but any mountains, although Polish ones are the only ones I know, the only ones I visited.

I felt so much peace that day and the smile was not leaving my face throughout the day. Doesn’t matter that I only had one hour of sleep and I had to wake up at 3am the following morning to catch an early plane back home. I was af peace. I had to write about it!

2h wait at the airport is a perfect opportunity to write. Basking in the beauty of the amazing sunrise only inspired me more. I could catch up on sleep… but I was too excited.

The happiness lasted another day.. and another day… and another day. I wasn’t even bothered when my boss asked me to cut my holiday short and get back to work. He needed me and I showed up. He was the happiest boss I’ve seen for a long time. I can’t believe only a year ago I hated him with passion πŸ˜‚ He was however an important piece of the puzzle. I β€˜used’ him to get over myself. It paid of a hundredfold. About it another time!

Not only my boss was happy to see me back at work. My front tooth was back in place and I could smile again! I spread those smiles all around me. One colleage after another was leaving our inspection room happier that they were before they entered. Happiness is as infectious as constant winging. And I’ve been whining for way too long!

More good news were pouring in. Two of my least favourite colleages either left the company or are on their period notice. Those not really qualified have been degraded. New colleagues turning out to be the gems. Old colleagues are even more pleasant to work with. Boss happy with my continued efforts to improve our process. All 3 of us in inspection catching up with never ending tasks and having a bit of a breather! That hasn’t happened for months!

Is this even real? my closest colleague and I were asking ourselves. It seems too good to be true!

But there is more. My bday weekend arrived. Shopping spree. New haircut.

Sunny days. Exciting trip to London with my bestie.

New adventure starting this Wednesday…

Should I say? Should I keep it a secret? Fuck it! The whole adventure has to stay a secret in our salsa circle. For many reasons. Politics above all. Or rather β€˜bollitics’! New word Laleh invented on Saturday. Bollocks + Politics = Bollitics πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Since you guys are not in my salsa cirlce, I can say it… I’m joining a girls dance group. I’m starting to train with the team of revamped South Coast Ladies this Wednesday. Once a week during the summer, increasing to twice a week from Autumn.

When Laleh told me that the girls group just started secret training I knew it was time for me to get back on that train. I love being on stage. I love dancing. I NEED exercise after putting on so much weight since I quit smoking in January!

I instantly messaged the lead girl asking if she would take me back to the team and her reply 1 minute later was…

β€˜YESSSSS FUCK YEAH! Would love it x’ followed by β€˜Sorry I didn’t ask, thank Laleh’ followed by β€˜I can’t deny that if we do a show, it will probably cause some drama that you’re in my team πŸ˜†β€™.

I knew… the bollitics! I’m ready for it!

Laleh and I screemed from happiness that we’ll be training together again for good few minutes. It filled the car with a beautiful energy. It carried us forward smoothly to our destination… London’s best dance floors. Despite the traffic, despite the underground closure, despite the closure of the sushi place we planned to visit.

Oh yeah… I also received this beautiful piece of art costume from Laleh for my birthday! I mean, how gorgeous is it? I do love shiny stuff and this is beauitfully hand made piece that will decorate my next Boom Town adventure 😍

And on the dancefloor? We squeezed every bit of happiness we could out of each dance we had. If there is one happy place in my life, it’s the dance floor. That’s where I thrive and fill myself up with precious life’s energy. It’s all about the monents of connection like this one… With music, with my soul, with my partner:

Mambo City 25th of May 2024

9 months ago I really couldn’t see myself reaching this place. It required a lot of conscious effort and solitude. It happened gradually. Little improvement with every change I implemented into my life. 2 steps forwards, 1 step back. 3 months ago it felt like I took 5 steps back. I fell back into unhealthy eating, whining, overwhelming guilt. I withdrew. I worried that another step forward won’t happen again, that I won’t find anymore strength.

I did. Another baby step. And another. Go out. Meet new people. Seek new experiences. I was really pushing myself. I continued to run every week. Run and leave the bad patterns behind. Despite getting heavier and every run being more challenging. Then the trip to Poland was literally a mile long step forward.

I realised that facing the challenges head on really helped. The lies I was telling myself, like I’m happy. I’m at peace. I wonder how life with surprise me today and the holly grail β€˜I can handle this!’ have slowly replaced the old thoughts of β€˜Im a looser. I failed. I’ve had enough. Why so hard?’ and the lies have slowly became my new reality.

I’m happy.

Am I happy?

Am I really?

Yes, I’m happy!

Can I be happy every day like this? When does it end?

For fuck sake Momo! You’ve been unhappy continuously for over a year now. You worked your ass off to get here. Just say fucking β€˜Thank you!’ and enjoy! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So I will. Fingers cross I will!

Happy 42nd birthday to me!

Until next time πŸ’™

Until next time πŸ’™

lucoin1.png

Camera:iPhone11
Photographer:@fantagira


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65 comments
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Happy birthday, my dear soul sister, Monica. I wish you all the best in the world. A big hug!
!LUV !HUG !LADY !PIZZA

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Thank you my sis from another mother 😍 It’s the best bday weekend I’ve had in years πŸ€©πŸ˜πŸ’™
!ALIVE
!LADY

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(Edited)

PIZZA!

$PIZZA slices delivered:
pinkchic tipped fantagira
fantagira tipped ewkaw
@fantagira(1/5) tipped @cthings
jane1289 tipped fantagira

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Hell yeah baby! Love the energy. Happy birthday! <3 Lots of hugs to you and keep rocking that attitude.

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Thank you so much 😍 Took a while to work my way back to it, but it was worth it to reach this happy place again πŸ˜πŸ’™
!ALIVE
!LUV

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Happy Birthday Dear enjoy your birthday with your family with good health and more blessings ☺️

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No family here, but they’ve all sent their wishes from a distance and I’m lucky to have a bunch of amazing friends who are like a family to me 😍

Thank you for stopping by πŸ˜˜πŸ’™
!LADY

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Happy birthday to you @fantagira and I'm glad you found the happiness that you need. May you be blessed abundantly in all aspects of your life.

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Thank you so much sis 😘 I haven’t felt this positive in a very long time! πŸ’™
!ALIVE
!LADY

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Happy Birthday to youuuuu! Dear what a vibrant post!πŸ€©πŸ’–
I wish you will be very happy and enjoy more the dancing moments!πŸŒŸπŸ™
By the way, according to astrology, when you are 42 you live the big Uranus moment so maybe crazy times to change things, hope so... as I will be also included in some months!!! πŸ˜‰πŸ™Œ

!LUV
!LOLZ

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Thank you so much sis! I needed long time off to come back stronger and when the writing flows like this I know I’m giving my best and everyone who reads it can feel it. I !love sharing good vibes 😍

So happy to be joining the dance team. Even more dance happiness for me this year 🀩

Yeah, it feels very different this month. From that moment on the top of the mountain there has been a huge shift, lots of changes, things speeding up moving me forward into a beautiful flow that keeps getting better and better πŸ₯°

I might need go to the forest to ground this beautiful energy or else I’ll fly away πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ !LOLZ
!ALIVE

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Maybe nature is somehow magic, you got a lot of new energy!
!ALIVE

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Yesss! I talked about this with my bestie and she said native Americans have this custom of sending young guys into the mountains once they become of age to β€˜find themselves’. The higher up the energies are also higher frequency and healing β€οΈβ€πŸ©Ή I need to go there every time I’m in Poland next! 😍

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Haaaapppy Birthday!!! 🍸🍸

This whole text is bursting with so much good energy I started to smile here too :D
Well done you!

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Oh my! I missed being in such a flow! Those Polish mountains really did the trick and I love it when writing just pours out of me like this. So easily to spread those smile around when it happens 😍

Thank you Ewcia. You’ve been such an amazing online friend for me here all this time. My childhood friend who took me to the mountains is also Ewka πŸ˜πŸ’™
!ALIVE
!PIZZA

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(Edited)

OMG! 🀩 Just noticed this cutie now! It hasn’t flowered since I bought it in 2017. Such an awkwardly facing flower I didn’t know how to approach it for a pic πŸ˜‚

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Oh wow! Very nice colour!
Is there more on the spike? Any fragrance?
It pretty amazing feeling when an orchid finally blooms. I have one since... 2016 I think and still nothing :p

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The spike is full of buds, huge spike for a miniature, but I think some might dry up as I got pretty dry when I was in Poland.
I have others too that haven’t bloomed for years, but as long as they grow new leaves/bulbs I keep them around. There is hope! 😍

No fragrance sadly
!ALIVE

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Congrats πŸŽ‰πŸ‘ what a remarkable year and turn around from where you were. So cool to see and it's all your own hard work and persistence. Great moves on the dancefloor too. I've only salsa'd a couple of times and am like a plank of wood.


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Oh mate, you actually have a good idea of my last years struggles. To get to this happier, healthier stage in my life is such a relief and still hard to believe that I reached that point. I thought it will never come πŸ˜‚

Salsa is my life. If it wasn’t for dancing, I don’t know where would I be now. It’s my true happy place 😍

Thank you so much for your support πŸ’™
!ALIVE
!HUG

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Happy birthday, Monika!
You had a nice day hiking and the beer as a reward is obligatory.
!ALIVE !BBH !HBIT

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Thank you! That hike was truly magical, I swear 😍
!ALIVE

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I believe that very much. Up in the mountains, it is somehow different than down in the valley. I was on the Zugspitze once and the climb was incredible.

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Yesss! They say the energy is vibrating higher on those altitudes. Now I know what I need to do to feel better when I’m down again πŸ˜πŸ’™

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You don't look like 42 Monika.. happiest birthday to you !LADY stay gorgeous and thriving hehe
!PIZZA

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A happy birthday πŸŽ‰ to you, !LUV many parts of your words got me smiling 😊 I wish you many years ahead filled with good memories and happiness.

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Oh wow, you are radiating with so much positive energy, I can feel it from here. ❀️

Glad things are working out well with you.

Happy 42nd! πŸ₯³πŸ°πŸ₯‚

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Happy Birthday! That's the spirit, seeing the glass half full is the way to go. And dance is one of the best things you can do! I hope to keep dancing salsa until I'm an oldie. 😁 Cheers! !BEER

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Happy birthday! Congratulations on getting back to happiness!

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Thank you so much! It’s been a while since I last felt this much energy coursing through my veins 😍

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You don't need to wait for your birthday to treat yourself, do it every day! πŸ˜„ Reading this made me smile. Happy birthday! ✨

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Aww πŸ₯° Thank you. That was the aim really. I love writing when it really flows from my heart. It has a good effect on everyone reading it 😍
!PIZZA

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42? Who turned 42? The girl in the photo? The maximum is only 25.
Congratulations.

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Happy belated birthday to you!! Such a lovely and positive post. It is good that you climb that mountain and returned full of joy and inspiration. Great to see you dancing in the video - forget the bollitics and just have fun. So happy for you as well @fantagira - you post will uplift every reader.

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Aww πŸ₯° Thank you Momo! I love writing when it flows as beautiful as it did that morning. Those mountains really did a trick on me. To think I almost didn’t go, cause I wanted to get a cheaper flight the day before πŸ™‰ So glad I went!

Now with extra exercise I feel even more energetic and ready to conquer the daily life again 😍
!ALIVE

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Happy belated birthday, dear Monika! πŸ’™πŸŒΈ
I'm happy you feel renewed, with positive changes in your work environment and a lot of salsa πŸ’ƒ hehe.
Cheers 😘

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Thank you Eli! Yeah, I feel like those mountains I claimed helped me push through my blockages and I feel much more positive finally 😍
Thank you for stopping by dear. Hope you’re well πŸ˜˜πŸ’™
!ALIVE

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