Use Your Medulla Oblongata
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At what point is it necessary to set boundaries and turn down someone who needs our financial help despite our instinct to assist others?
Not setting boundaries is the reason why we will constantly have issues with people with who naturally we are not supposed to have issues. I am at a headlong with someone currently because I should have said No, I should have turned down that request, but because I didn't and felt I was doing it for a friend, it ended up biting me.
I honestly regret helping that person and most times wish I could turn back the hands of the clock, to set things straight, at least if we are supposed to be at headlong and decide to part ways, it should erupt from something else. Although it isn't money related, honestly I am sure that if I had not agreed to the request, we would have gone past it by now but then, I agreed to the request and it turned out sour.
So a friend of mine, called me, pleading with me that she needed to get a phone but did not have complete money and she opted to use Easy Buy which allows this person to pay in installments for the next three or six months. So, my help needed me to use my information like (NIN/BVN) and my face standing as someone who got the phone.
I opted for it, because why not, if I can be of help, I don't mind helping out, it's no big deal, that's my Gee, so I told myself but it turned out sour when after a month or two, the phone was stolen and since then, this friend has refused to pay up the remaining balance.
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During that period, I was constantly getting messages, and call threats from this company, and even though I was able to talk to them about the predicament of the phone, they still insisted that the money be cleared off. Of course, I understood why should refused to pay the bills but then, that was a dent in my name because I am sure I would never be able to apply for a loan if I needed one I felt they should exercise patience with us.
Well, it's been a year since that incident, and a few months ago, the phone company started calling me constantly I have talked and begged this friend of mine to clear off the debt, but it is falling on deaf ears and every day, I wished I had not accepted to help that way. I wish I had created boundaries, it would have saved me this stress and mess I am currently in.
The funny and most annoying part is that I feel stupid because I am very sure that I would never have agreed to do such if my siblings had begged me. The outrageous and hurting part of this is that before this friend of mine asked for my help, my brother had once time begged me for this same request, he was in a situation and needed to get a phone to clear off the situation, but I didn't oblige to his plea, instead I opted to help him with money to sort himself out.
I didn't oblige my brother because I never liked the easy buy business especially when it involved getting a phone and using my document for it, if I did, I would have used it when I needed a change or upgrade of my phone. I prefer to pay in cash and get my phone also because of the high interest that comes with using their services but I ended up obliging to a friend, and today we are not on good terms.
Create boundaries when it involves you staking something important or valuable to you because humans change, and they can decide to switch up on you at any time. The first day I started feeling bad and decided to tell my best friend to pour out how I felt betrayed and used by this person, she was angry I had gone that far for someone, and wondered why I had accepted to do something I refused to do for my siblings to an outsider.
I felt horrible and regretful. The worst part is, that I still get calls from the phone companies regularly to pay off the loan, and it freaks me out most times. I would say, don't help, when you are at risk, and there is a good chance that your help will come back to bite you if the person decides to take your help for granted.
Thank you for reading my entry to Hive Naija Weekly Prompt | Edition 67
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STOPYou took quite a risk @eliany. I may not even do that for my brother, everyone should get his or her own BVN. You are certainly one of the most charitable person I have ever met 😊
Isn't it funny I took such a risk with my BVN for a stranger and refused to do it for a family member thinking I was looking out for someone?
We learn now I realize it, and even realize that it is a risk I shouldn't have taken, and obviously, from the comments, nobody would have done such.
I would love to ask this person if she would have done it for me if I were to be the one in need.
To be sincere, human beings are like chameleons. They can be able to change at any time. This is why we need to be extra careful while dealing with them.
Indeed, you are right, some are not only chameleons, some know how to play the victim cards and blackmail but honestly, I didn't realize until now, that this person is someone I should have avoided like the plague and set boundaries, especially on issues like this.
I ad this same issue with my younger brother whom I stood for to get a phone from easy buy but after three months, he began to pay their money in a sluggish way and they kept calling me to offset the loan. I had to take up the matter with our pastor and some elders who called him to order and finally he paid and now I am free.
I vowed never to do that for any body again blood or no blood. Those calls from easy buy nearly caused me a heart attack.
Omo, it is necessary to be wise o.
As for this person, aren't there people you can report her to? Or you can go to her employer to be deducting the money monthly so that the loan can be paid.
Can you imagine, I guess it is in people's nature to be ungrateful and not think about the stress they cause others as a result of their actions.
I guess I was not wise, a lesson learned.
Well, I didn't want to, didn't think to report the person to anyone because I felt I needed to cover the mess up, I mean I love to give people the benefit of the doubt but realizing it now, I think I have been sleeping on this matter and taking it lightly.
I will think about that option.
Please do, so that the embarrassing calls can stop and you will be vindicated.