Hand Over Hand: Fragments. (Part Four)

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“I– I don’t think I can do it,” Evan said, looking down at the papers with blank eyes.

His Therapist, the kind woman who went by Caroline, sat in front of him with a look that inched towards pity. This was his fifth time back at her office, and he had yet to start the assignment the woman had given him.

“You know you can’t keep postponing these forever, Evan. To help get out of this situation that you are in, you first need to let out your emotions,” she said in a soothing voice, “I only suggested writing down your thoughts as a way to let some of that built up out.”

“I know, I just–” Evan spoke before coming to a halt.

“I can’t find the right words.” He said in the end.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried writing it all out. He had spent hours in front of those empty pages, trying to come up with something, anything that might kickstart the process, but words never came to him.

”You always were speechless when it came to me..”

The voice taunted him, and Evan forced himself to be back to reality. He just needed to keep on trying. That’s all he needed to do.

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Past

"So, you like taking photographs," David asked offhandedly as they walked, his hand gesturing towards the camera strapped around Evan's neck.

It was just at the brink of dawn, the usual time Evan went out for a walk when David had texted him, asking if he could tag along. Evan had no reason to refuse him, so there they were, walking along the pier where Evan had first seen the man.

"I do," Evan replied.

Monsoon was finally starting to end in Beijing, the bright green leaves growing paler and paler as the days passed. Pretty soon it would be autumn knocking on their doorsteps, and Evan looked forward to capturing the city covered in red, orange and gold.

"But why pictures though?" David asked, "Come on Evan Miller, enlighten me here. I'm bored." he said, nudging Evan playfully when he took too long to reply.

"I just like how it stores things," Evan said after gathering his thoughts. "It’s just fascinating, you know? How with just a click, I can capture this morning, this moment, forever," he said while pulling up the camera to his eyes. The first rays of the sun had just started to rise on the other side of the river, and its strayed golden strands made David’s hair look golden brown, as he stood, leaning casually on the railing.

"Time is, well, it's always moving. And things – things change, you know? People change, places change. But in photographs, life, stays frozen. It makes me feel almost invincible. Like I invented my own world where time never flows. That with just one click, I can make memories last, forever.” He said as he finally found the angle he was aiming for.

“It's the best way to keep things that go away," he said, as he snapped away a picture of a rather surprised-looking David, who stood there with his eyes focused on Evan rather that the camera itself.

It wasn’t the first photo Evan had taken of the man. But it was the only photo Evan had kept inside his wallet, after.

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Present.

Evan met Yixing over lunch that Friday.

"How are you holding up?" the man asked tentatively, taking a sip from the soda they both ordered before deciding what to eat.

With a shrug of his shoulder, Evan continued to stare at the interior of the quiet restaurant the other man had picked for them to catch up. James was currently working on a production site that was just on the outskirts of the city. It was an hour-long ride to reach the place on his motorcycle, but Evan paid that no mind. Riding had always made him feel good, and his therapist suggested that he did things that made him happy anyway.

"It's a nice place," Evan commented after looking around. The place had rich mahogany panels on its cream-coloured walls, and the nice plush seats that scattered around gave the place almost a homey vibe, the classical music humming in the background only adding to the ambience.

At his words, Yixing grinned. "I know right? Stumbled across this place on my second day here. Wait till you try their udon. It's heavenly!" he said with confidence.

"How are you doing? How's Sayeong-Jie doing?" Evan asked.

"I'm good, I'm good. Getting a new flat this October if things go as planned. You know how Sayeong is, she has been at my head about it for years!" he chuckled. "She is doing good as well. She misses you, you know. You should come over." he added softly, in the end, looking at Evan with hopeful eyes before starting hesitantly.

"It's been a year, Evan, You can't still possibly..."

"You can't possibly forget about me, Evan Miller. That would just be extremely rude of you."

The grip on his soda tightened at the voice, and Evan looked up to see Yixing eying him wryly.

He let out a bitter smile, " You know I can’t,” he said, looking at the cold bottle in his hand, trying to focus on the droplets of water that ran from the rim to his fingers, hoping it would calm his beating heart down.

“It’s not that easy, forgetting.”

And they let the topic at that.

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This is just a part of a fiction I am writing. The rest of the fictions can be found here.