Landlord Palaver

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There's a popular Nigerian song that says "landlord travel and see". It is a song that talks about the travails of a typical Nigerian traveller and his never ending struggles with his landlord. It is common knowledge that landlord's many at times elevate themselves to the status of a feudal lord who sees his tenants as peasants who should be treated as slaves.

The facilities are seldom maintained, rents constantly hiked without prior notice and eviction notices served without a grace window as stipulated by law. In their houses, landlords take the position of demigods where everything starts and ends with them and their tenants have no input or choice whatsoever.

I used to stay in what is referred to in local parlance as a "face me, I face you" (overcrowded compound) apartment where everything is shared including the toilet and bathroom. In far away no man's land I had to navigate the daily struggles of coping with the excesses of individuals from different backgrounds and cultures, including a devious landlord and his shrine.

Every day was a battle for survival, the hustles and bustles of daily survival constantly taking its toll on the minds and souls of both me and my brother. It was just a matter of minding your business and hoping that everything works out eventually so we could move on.

But that plan began to take a nosedive when one of our landlord's daughters came to tap from my brother's fountain of knowledge. A high school girl who was about to take her final year exams but would struggle to construct simple grammar, my brother accepted the offer since there was money involved.

It all started smoothly and everything was going according to plan up until the student began to harbor thoughts of tapping more than just the fountain of knowledge, and her heart began to draw at streams of endless emotions. She started courting and all efforts to restrain her proved abortive.

It was a matter of time before her father took notice and our persona pendulum began to swing towards the side of non grata. One moment the situation would seem to be under control, the next moment, the student would pull a new thread from her web of endless intrigues and we'd be put on the compound display channel.

It continued on this swervy trajectory for some time till my skin became sweaty everytime I came back home as gory eyes strained on me. Our bed became damper as I kept imagining our landlord conjurations popping up in the dead of the night to inflict plagues on my innocent self.

I began to feel uncomfortable in a place that was supposed to be my home. Every entreaty to my brother to break the contract and forfeit the association fell on deaf ears and he began to behave like one under a spell, but hiding under the cloak of monetary benefits. I was becoming disillusioned but never knew what to do.

Then one day as usual, we were too lazy to cook after coming back from the market. We kept passing the responsibility among us including our friend who had come to visit till it got late into the night and hunger began to take its toll, strangulating the remnants of our stomachs. We had gone out for a stroll that night and got back home around midnight.

Around 1am, we noticed a shadowy figure perambulating the compound, seemingly confused and restless. Suspecting that it was the landlord, we pretended like we did not notice and continued cooking while gisting and laughing in hushed tones.

After a few minutes, the figure seemed to enter behind the shrine and out before going back into the house. Early in the morning, we were aroused by a heavy knock on the door with a deep hoarse voice.

"what were you people doing outside last night" our landlord bellowed as we stepped out looking confused

"good morning sir" my brother started before adding "we were cooking"

"what kind of food were you cooking by 1 am in the night and disturbing the whole neighborhood" our landlord lashed out angrily. "I'll make sure I deal with you people in this compound" he added before walking away to the querying eyes of other tenants.

After that incidence, my spirit and the compound were no more in sync and my intuition told me that we should find a new house. I floated the idea with my brother and for once he listened to me and we started the house hunt.

On the 30th of December, two days before our rent was to expire, our landlord came knocking early in the morning to tell us that he did not want to see us in his house by 1st of January.

He woke by morning of the first to see us carrying out the last pieces of our belongings from the house and the look on his face is a joy I will never forget.

Luckily for us we had already found another house close by that the landlord was willing to rent out to us for six months. Immediately, we accepted the offer and started fixing up the place. So on the night of the 31st we made sure to pack out of our former abode to the disappointment of our landlord.

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