BEST MOM? NAAAH!

I know we all love our moms, and most times we tell ourselves that they're the best in the world. I feel this way too, or maybe not. But then I love my mom with all my heart, I guess that's why I don't have a girlfriend. But there's this attitude she has that me and my sis have tried to address, but you know African moms, you can never correct them as they're always right.

Even times when it eventually occurs that you were right and they were wrong, they'll say it's your fault, that your 'right' suggestion jinxed them.

This isn't about any advice or suggestion though, it is about food. I like food, I love food, food is sweet, food is life. Don't judge me, cos I know you'd agree with me if you tasted some of my local (Ibibio) delicacies like Afang soup, atama soup or ekpang nkukwo (please don't try pronouncing it).

Back to my mom. My mom stays alone now as all of us are out here looking for greener pastures.

Anytime we go to visit her, she'll pretend like she doesn't have money to buy enough meat for her soups and we would understand. So it's either we buy extra meat for the soup or we just take what she gives us. That was until me and my sister decided to surprise her and we went to the house unannounced.

As she wasn't at home, we went straight to the kitchen to get something to eat, lo and behold, a very rich pot of soup that looked like it was a battle between a butcher and a fisherman. That soup was so rich there was no trace of water in it, just vegetables and orishi rishi (enough chewables).

So she cooks like a rich fisherwoman when she's alone, only to pretend when we're around, it's okay. So one of these days I decided to go visit her. I only told her I was coming the morning I was supposed to go there. So I got home and she wasn't around.

I used my keys to gain entrance and went straight to the kitchen and there was a small pot of soup that looked like someone wanted to eat but then hurriedly left the house leaving it covered, typical of my mom. Again, it was rich with these animals winking at me to come play with them. Out of my love for animals, I obliged.

I decided to take my chance, I stuck my fingers in and stole some meat. Sharp guy that I am, I shook the pot a little so the soup will mix up and cover up the empty spaces, then I left to go watch some football that evening.

Why is it that every time we're screwed up in the head, we're adviced to go see the-rapist? Isn't that how people get traumatized?

Well I'm not screwed up in the head, at least not yet. But I'm on the precipice because when I came back from watching the match mom called to tell me that she was not coming back that day and I'm to manage the soup she left for me until she returns.

I rushed to check on the soup only to find out that it's spoiled. Let me not lie, this did not happen sometime ago, it happened yesterday.

I stole meat from my own soup, went to watch Manchester United win, now I'm starving because mom is not yet back, there's nothing else in this house and I only came here with my transport fare. Please remember me in your prayers because right now rats and cockroaches are beginning to look appetizing.

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