Learning From Both (LOH 200)

I believe I’ve somehow answered this question before or many times actually in my head. How do I deal with failure? Failure, is different things for different people but thanks to Ladies of Hive, I get to talk about how I see it and how I deal with it.

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Not completely, but I have come to see Failure as the beginning of/to something. Firstly, failure happens so we can learn (the way I see it) and it doesn’t define who you are as a person. Failure is a stepping stone because lessons happen from mistakes.

I have taken the time to reflect on what has happened in my life, times I’ve failed and what happened after that. I can’t recall all of those times actually, but I’ve failed quite a lot. Not just in doing something but in my relationships with people, character as a person and habits.

The first thing I’ve learned from all these is that I need to fail to grow. If I’m always the “one hit wonder”, would I ever get to see things for what they really are? Would I even be able to relate with people who have been there? I don’t think so. I believe that I am who I am today because I encountered setbacks and problems that made me activate my inner strength.

One very vivid experience is the job I had a while ago. It was way out of my zone and I was confused almost 100 percent of the time. But I’ll ask questions and try to play around to understand what I’m dealing with. It didn’t help that I was required to deliver while doing all these things with very little experience and was still expected to be 100 at it.

Everyone has different ways they learn and grow into something. Plus, they have their goals and what means what to them. I kept failing and failing and began to see myself as a failure. I couldn’t keep up and very soon, I began to doubt myself.

Now, looking back at everything, I realised that my failure taught me stuff. I learned so much from all those nights trying to work out a hard puzzle on something I had little to no idea about and, I also managed to navigate my emotions better because that job tested me on so many levels.

The description kept changing and I was expected to just go with it, which I did, but I know better now not to let anyone “sweet talk” me into doing something that I wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I looked down on myself so much and that was an advantage to them, but as I said, no more.

From all those experiences and failures in my relationships with people and especially work, I have learned quite a lot about me. The good, the bad and the ugly. I have seen my weaknesses and I have been introduced to my strengths. I know what I can do and what I can’t.

And this leads me to the second question on if I’m living a meaningful life.

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Honestly, I can’t say I am yet. Not when all I want is yet to materialise. I want to give back to my community and help people. Not like I don’t right now, but I want to do more. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just stuck living a life that’s not mine.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ungrateful or anything. I’m not belittling my achievement and what I have. No. If anything I’m being truthful when I say I know that I can do more. And to me, a meaningful life is when I no longer live just for me.

I’m mostly trying to survive. What if I can help others too? What if I can bless others in some way? I get blessed by friends and family and I get a beautiful feeling. The few times I’ve gotten to help others in need left me in a world of euphoria. So, I want to do more.