How to Accept Death and Dance More

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So I was at a place with other Buddhists and a question came up. Someone asked, as near as I can remember it:

How can I cope with death? How can I cope with the impermenance of life? After death, nothing comes next. At least nothing that we know of for sure. So I can't just tell myself "better things will come of the change" as I can to other changes and impermanence in life. In 100 years I'll be gone, so why shouldn't I just kill myself now? What's the point in anything if it will be gone so soon?

Seems like there was some depression behind that question, and I suggested before I answered that Buddhism won't necessarily help with depression and there are better places to go for that. But then I answered briefly:

The you that goes by your name may not last long beyond death. Then again, maybe it will. As you say, we really have no knowledge of that. You will find people who have meditated a lot who do have some insight, but that insight is not yours, and as the Buddha said, we shouldn't take any one else's word and should find things out for ourselves.

If we assume there is something beyond death, chances are it won't be you. At least not the current you. The wake behind us that we remember is shorter than we think. If we take away all external reminders such as photos, video, letters, etc, if we have absolutely nothing to remind us of our past, it likely will fade quicker than we'd like to believe. Memory is just as ephemeral as everything else in life, and it too fades, and fades quickly. If there is an afterlife, maybe you will naturally change and forget the old you during the rebirth process, making you still you but not you anymore. It may be as confusing as that or not at all. Who knows! All that is to say that even if you do continue, what continues likely won't be the same you as the you that is sitting here right now listening to me.

It works both ways. The you sitting there is also not the same you who was once 14 years old. You might have a few remaining inherited memories of that 14-year-old who once shared your name, just as we as a society have a few remaining inherited memories of Ancient Greece. But you can't really remember how that person thought, everything they believed and knew and thought. If you didn't have the same name, a similar face, and the shared family, there would be absolutely nothing to connect you to that person.

Who you are right now at this very moment is unique. One of these inherited cultural memories we have is that an old Greek thinker named Heraclitus who once remarked that we can never step in the same river again. The river is constantly changing. The exact composition of the river at any single spot has very likely never happened before and very likely will never happen again. It is always unique. As are we.

Does this impermanence mean it's all pointless? Sure, but—that's the point. In other words, to look for a point of life is silly. Is there a point to dancing? To have fun, I suppose, so have fun with life in the same way. Every moment is unique. The cherry blossoms grow and then blow down a week later. Next year they will come again, but it won't be the exact same blossoms, nor will the exact combination we saw the previous year return. This is why we say you die and are reborn every moment. Every single moment is unique. It comes and then it goes. We can't hold on to it, all we can do is treasure it. Right now you are alive and you are you. Enjoy it. This moment will never come again. So go off and dance.

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This is all pretty basic Buddhist philosophy, maybe with a particular Sōtō Zen twist. But sometimes it helps to restate things. He seemed happy with my answer, even if it didn't directly address his question of the pointlessness of it all.

I think most people on Hive aren't Buddhists, but maybe you can enjoy a bit of the philosophy. Or at least humor me, eh? ;)

Hi there! David LaSpina is an American photographer and translator lost in Japan, trying to capture the beauty of this country one photo at a time and searching for the perfect haiku. He blogs here and at laspina.org. Write him on Twitter or Mastodon.


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5 comments
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In the end no one lives forever, so enjoy the now! Who knows what comes next, but we'll all find out soon enough. I can see the philosophy behind it, our time is definitely now!

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I wouldn't say I'm anything, but Buddhist thinking makes the most sense to me. It certainly provides answers I can live with.

When Dad got diagnosed with cancer some six years ago my immediate reaction was shock and upset. Dad grabbed me by the arms, firmly, jokingly shook me, and said: 'you know how it works! Everything changes and nothing is permanent'.

Six years on and weeks away from his transformation from one matter state to another, he's still grappling a little. I think most of us do, even if we know - KNOW - we are all beautiful dust.

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Every single moment is unique. It comes and then it goes. We can't hold on to it, all we can do is treasure it. Right now you are alive and you are you. Enjoy it. This moment will never come again. So go off and dance.

Wise words! I'm very pragmatic and not at all philosophic... but fully agree; dancing it is! ;)

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