Why we need to cry. A book review
Aletha J. Solter’s book The Aware Baby was a revelation for me! I found out vital information about the process of giving birth, why the role of fathers is so pivotal and why we act like our parents in the relationship that we have with our own child. I feel like this book puts a new light on the baby as being an individual worthy of respect and who deserves to have their own will, desire and view of the world taken into consideration.
We rarely think of how babies feel and we rather focus on how we need to make them adapt to our lifestyle. We see them as intruders, as beings that are here to manipulate and get the best out of us. We have constructed this nasty view of the infant without having the basic knowledge of the mental development of a baby. Aletha introduces us to the “aware parenting approach that has 3 basic aspects: attachment style parenting, non-punitive discipline, acceptance of emotional release”.
I did a long review of this book and I am sorry for the image being too small as I forgot to turn my phone into the right position for recording, it can happen to all of us.
I believe that Aletha Solter made a great job by exposing the ugly truth about how unfriendly our society truly is with the role of parenting. The quote I am about to share is , I believe, the essence of her book:
There is another aspect to this whole problem. Many parents resent having to pay attention to their children because our culture belittles and degrades the important work of parenting. People have traditionally considered this to be “mere” women’s work that requires no special skills. It is little wonder that so many mothers and anxious to get out of the home to where they feel the real “action” is. If you are a woman feeling bored playing with your baby, much of your feeling may actually have its roots in these cultural attitudes. You may begin to pity yourself for being stuck with such “demeaning” work. If cultural attitudes were to change overnight, and child rearing were considered to be an important, challenging and interesting job, and if parents were given both financial and emotional support to be responsible for their baby’s care and education, there might be fewer bored parents. If it were a well-paid job, it would probably be in great demand, because what could be more exciting than the opportunity to observe a new human being discover and learn? The unfolding of a child’s intelligence is, in fact, where some of the real “action” is.
100%.
Motherhood seems to have been demoted to about the lowest endeavor a woman can have. I hear young women talk about like it's the end of the world, a "destroyer" of their life. It's so toxic, and that quote is on point. Society needs to change its attitude dramatically for us to heal.
Sounds like a great book. Thank you :)
Yes, motherhood has become like the low end dead job nobody wants. I see it everywhere. I thought it was just in my head that somehow it is messed up for women to be paid less while they bring a child into the world and also forced to go back to work as if the child is somehow super able to be on his own after 2 years. In some countries women have to go back to their job after 3 months. It is insane. I do wonder how people agreed to this insanity as being normal. No wonder we have so many messed up individuals running around : their childhood was stolen by the way society looks at motherhood and I dare to say even at fatherhood.
I have re-read this book twice and it was first written in the 80's. We are in 2024 and the book is rock solid in its truths.
I believe that motherhood should be awesomely paid. Children are future society members. Their childhood is of paramount importance. I cringe when I see parents hurrying to climb the corporate ladder while their children suffer miserably in the comforting arms of powerless nanies. The topic is so loaded and I blame no person but the system itself that was created to milk the human being out of resources for the sole purpose of producing value until he drops dead and hopefully not reach retirement in order to cash back while their now grown up children need lots of therapy to un-screw themselves up.
I am glad that you liked it!
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Thank you very much!
Great review of obviously great book, thank you.
There are some cultures/species that cherish and respect parenthood much more. In fact, they dedicate professions and nests to that role.
Taken from the latest sci-fi book I've read :)
One other thing. While reading your review and bumping into:
I thought to myself: "Don't judge others by yourself!"
And another: "You shouldn't control others. You should give information and lead by example."
Simple as that :)
Have a great weekend.
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Sorry, please curate posts not older than 1 day.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment!
From what I have read it seems that the people who still live in tribes value parenthood so much more than the people who adopted the modern lifestyle. It seems quite odd, isn't it?
It’s not odd, it’s planned and intentional. Industrialisation and progress are leading to alienation and individualism. It’s breaking of traditional structures like extended families and tribes, villages.
In the end, it’s divide and conquer
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This explains why we have such issues nowadays with loneliness , as we moved from the comfort of tribes to solitary walls made out of brick where technology feeds the numbing/alienation process.
True.
Another "issue" that leads to this alienation, although you may not agree with me, is women's emancipation.
With women on full time jobs and away from families, the result is smaller and alienated families. And children indoctrinated by authorities because they spend more time in institutions than at home :(
I really like that you are open to discuss about such a "spicy" topic as some opinions can be quite unpopular. I would dare to say that emancipation has been the main goal of both sexes and this has left children extremely lonely in front of screens, locked up in fancy institutions that parents pay with hours from their lives. I agree with you and the path that parenthood is heading towards nowadays seems pretty rocky and scary for me. I feel that the fundamentals of society , as in a healthy family structure, have beeen severely shattered by the idea that kids are just fine with any caregiver as long as we can afford to pay for it. Children need moms the most in their first 2 years and somehow this fundamental is being slowly erased from the collective conscioussness as if it is something to be paid for.
The real emancipation is that in the matters of ideas. Working more and binging on extra workload is not emancipation, it is modern slavery. The handcuffs are shiny and steal the eyes while the children "pay the fine" for this.
The solution for this would be...a whole different spicy topic in itself.
So true. The solution, maybe too idealistic would be to create co-sustainable parallel systems in everything that matters in life - families/tribes/communities with their own child care, schooling, food, transport, finance (or lack of it), healthcare, ..., and so on. Away for this for-profit and one rich-many poor model that we are being forced into. Life should be so much more than just grinding day in day out for somebody else to take benefits of.
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