How to get calm again when you're totally stressed out. (Or two ways I lose my centre and three ways I find it again).
Human beings: We're funny creatures.
We're animals but we forget this important fact all the time due to this higher-level brain that allows us to remember and analyse the past, as well as plan and even worry about our imagined future.
I lose my centre, that is my connection to the present moment (when I would naturally be grounded in my body) whenever I get triggered by something that's happening in the present moment that reminds me of something vivid that happened on my past.
This doesn't just happen to me, it happens to all of us, every day, whether we realise it or not.
I also lose my centred "groundedness", if you will, when my amazing human mind imagines my future. Whether it's a happy image or a worriesome one (and let's face it, it's often the latter) the very fact that I'm in my head thinking about the future means I'm not here and now.
By the way, you probably do this too, whether you are consciously aware of it or not.
Human beings: We're funny creatures.
We need to learn to use these higher-level brains as the amazing tools they are. As much as they can pull us out of the present moment where we could experience feeling centred, calm and grounded they can also help us to remember to do things that put us back in the present moment again. 🙌
Three ways I find my centre again when I've lost it are:
- With "tapping",
- With orienting, and/or
- With introception.
Let me explain each one briefly so you might understand how to apply one (or all) of these in your life when you next lose your centre.
"Tapping" is a technique that sees us lightly tap our fingertips on meridian points on the face, upper body and hands usually as we talk about what is bothering us enough to make us leave the present moment.
The most well known version of tapping is Emotional Freedom Techniques, in part because it now has hundreds of scientific research papers demonstrating it's effectiveness on a huge variety of issues.
A quick search online will bring up lots of resources to teach you how to tap, on your own, for free.
Orienting refers to using our animal senses--sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste--to reconnect with our immediate environment. This works well for many people, though not all; it depends how safe your childhood was and what your body learned about the environments around you.
To practise orienting all you need to do is slowly start to look around the space you're in. What can you see that looks pleasant?
And what can you hear, near and far? Ideally focus on anything that makes you smile.
And can you feel where your body is touching something? Is it your feet on the ground or the back of your legs on a chair, or your hands on the keyboard?
If you have a strong sense of smell and/or taste you could also notice what information your nose and mouth are picking up from your immediate surroundings.
Finally, interoception. If you've spent a lot of the last few decades stuck up in your head and cut off from your body then this one might take a while to get good at. Interoception is the ability to sense what's happening internally within your own body.
It's noticing the sensations that your body is endlessly feeling including pain and pleasure, hunger and the need to eliminate waste, vitality and fatigue, and much more.
We can learn--with a little practise--to use interoception as a way to deliberately, consciously reconnect with the here and now. And, I'd argue, that by doing so more and more each day we'll actually become aware of what our body needs to maintain or regain health much faster than if we were endlessly conversing with ourselves inside our own minds.
So, there you have it: How to get calm again when you're totally stressed out. (Or the two ways I lose my centre and the three ways I find it again).
If you found this helpful, tag a friend in the comments. It's taken me more than a decade of studying within this field of healing to understand how to do this and how to explain these concepts simply.
I truly hope they can help someone else here on Hive.
This post was inspired by the brand new prompt from within the Thoughtful Daily Post Community. Here's the prompt 👇
We all find our center in different ways. Tell us about a practice you have that helps you stay grounded. Bonus points for oddity!
If you'd like to write a post on this topic--and you have something generally thoughtful and useful to share, then check out the Community and the rules for this project here.
@blackdaisyft, I think you'll like this! (It's the first time I've attempted to teach these concepts clearly to more than one person). Hope you are well, !LUV
Hello !LUV, thanks for the tag! I'm going to come back to this comment after reading it, but I'm already sure you did great! Hope you are well and thriving 😊
EDIT:
And we were both right! I knew it would be brilliant and you knew I would love it! So so well explained, Caroline. This is pure gold information for every person on Hive (or at least the ones that have the will to put in the work).
I loved how you expressed the 3 ways to get out of this rabbit hole! I usually use the tapping, unconsciously btw. A few months ago I started to place my right hand to my upper chest and feel the movement of my breathing. With your post, I realize that I must be utilizing this tapping technique because it really helps my higher brain to remember that I'm alive here and now.
I don't do so good with orienting so I stopped. Ocassionaly I try it again just out of curiosity to see how it feels. But as Irene says, titrating it's important so I only do it when I feel that inner natural curiosity instead of the imperative of "I should be doing this".
Interospection it's quite fun but so confusing for me! I feel like I'm getting better at it but sometimes it creates more frustration than joy so I try to use it reasonably.
Wonderful post again !LADY, I absolutely loved it and thank you for sharing such knowledge with us ❤️ Big !HUG to you
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Hi Beauty! Thanks for your kind and generous words 😊 I'm glad you saw and read (and loved 😁) this! !LOL 😉
Cool that you're unconsciously tapping.
I remember you saying that orienting made you feel worse. I definitely want to know when this changes for you; I assume it will as some point when you reach a sufficient level of safety in your system. Oh! And I'm curious, does all orienting make you feel worse? Like, is there a difference in how good/bad you feel when you, 1. Feel your body where it is in contact with the environment around you (bum on chair, feet on floor, etc), 2. Look for pleasant things around you, and/or 3. Listen for things in your environment near or far?
Do they all feel "bad"/ make you feel less safe? Or is there a difference between them? (I'd love to know!!!)
Love that you're following your curiosity instead of 'shoulding' on yourself. Yay!!! 🙌 That feels like a bit win!
I can only imagine that interoception will get easier and less confusing too. I love hearing how different our experiences are with her work. I have just got better and better at interoception - I was quite numb and now I'm less numb and can feel and am aware of more. But your confusion interests me. I wonder if there's a part of you that's trying to "do it right"?
!HUG 🤗🤗🤗
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Hello my love 😊 I'm so glad to talk about this with you! Thank you for taking an interest 🙏🙌
I hope so! It doesn't feel as scary as before but I try not to push it until I get more regulation.
That is a great question! It does not! When I pay attention to my body, I feel safe and have tried some forms of meditation before. I notice that if I do that orienting randomly it's hard for me to stay focused on the sensation. I mean, I get lost easily and my mind tends to wander around. If I do meditation for example, or if I have the right environment with low stimulation around me then it becomes easier for me to stay grounded.
As for the environment around I think it never crossed my mind to look for pleasant things 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔.... Hmmm... Oh, and I never tried to do the orienting via the auditory system! That sounds interesting 😊 Thank you for the suggestion!
I'm quite sure the "trying to do it right" is part of my difficulties 😅. I think I'm getting better at it as well and I don't get confused so often nowadays. Just the other day I was able to feel a really strong gut sensation that turned out to be a very clever warning of my body of a situation that in the end triggered some part of my trauma. I was kinda of happy to be able to feel that even though it took me a while to restore my calm. It's like, I can feel when my physiology is telling me that I'm not safe and then realise that it has nothing to do with the present situation.
Thank you so much for this interesting conversation, my good friend! ❤️🙌 Here's to more system health and regulation 🍻🍻
!HUG and !LUV
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoHi babe!
I 100% want to hear your experience. Always.
(Orienting...)
Yay!
That feels very wise 🙌
You're so welcome! Yep. I do all my orienting (if I remember) in three parts (not necessarily in this order):
!LOL I suffer from perfectionist tendencies also! Haha. So you're far from alone in this! :P
Yay!!!! That's awesome!! Good job. That's progress! Yessssss!
Indeed. Thanks for replying. So good. Big love to you, my friend. ❤️
!HUG
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Interoception sounds like something right up my alley. Orienting has been really helpful for me over the past few months, though I do worry using any one "way back" too much may wear out effectiveness. I love this <3
I like having a platter of options and then letting the wisest part of me guide me to what is best for that moment. Over the years I've found that two things happen: either I keep coming back to a particular process again and again and again (because it's so brilliant) or I find a better process/tool to do the same thing (and then I let the first one go).
Personally I've found that, with years and years of this work, none of them have 'worn out their effectiveness' but I do sometimes grow bored with them. In which case, I put them down and either come back to them when I naturally want to again or they get replaced with another better suited to me tool.
!LUV
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoI love this answer. It's very honest and true to self, as we all should be. I think the trouble starts when we expect there to be one clear-cut and final solution to follow and stick to. Except when in the history of the world has it ever worked like that? :)
!LOL
Love it =)
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I find this helpful
I didn't know about interception until now
Seems this is what I willdo whenever I'm stressed and I'm sure it will work for me
Excellent! Thanks for saying so.
Cool. Glad I could introduce you to interoception. It will be interesting to see what you find when you (gently) delve inside of your own self.
It's best to play with curiosity and open-mindedness. Everyone's body (nervous system) is different and so our different bodies respond in different ways. I'd definitely love to hear if you have a (gentle) play with one or more of these. Happy exploring!
Brilliant, centred article that offers some excellent advice for us all.
It's all in the breath-body-mind connection for me - I have stopped tapping though it's a good tool, preferring conscious movement (surfing/yoga) and, as you say, orientating. That's why a yoga nidra meditation helps enormously for me - I lay under a heavy blanket with a pillow over my eyes and earth as much as I can,
Thanks love!
Oh, I like the way you've explained this. I guess I'd extend it to say that I like tools that help with the breath-body-mind-environment connection. (The latter of which you've said also).
Like you, I adore conscious movement. Your surfing is my trail running though I'd rarely pick it over these other tools (though, come to think of it, sometimes I do one or all of these while running...)
Is that because you don't tap while you move? My favourite time to tap is when I'm walking through the bush because it combines the tapping with the movement and (IMHO) works much better than sitting on a freakin' seat, staring at a screen, talking to a human who is supposed to be your mirror or guide.
I'm also coming to realise that the way I do tapping these days is a lot more of a somatic (body-based, connected-to-the-breath) version than most people teach. It reminds me that I really need to get my A into G and create more resources on tapping the way I do it so people can really get the most out of this tool.
Anyway, I digress! (Oh, if you've patiently read this far... where/how did you learn to tap? I'm curious about what resources and which teachers people are finding, especially here in Australia!)
Oooh. And you're reminding me how much I love Yoga Nidra and forget it exists. (I appear to be spoilt for choice when it comes to ways to centre and ground again). Thanks for the tip; it's probably the ideal tool for me to use this afternoon when I know I'm going to struggle to take a nap even though I need one after a big week of travel/skiing and a rough night last night. 🙏
I loved your guide! All the techniques seem useful, and I'm curious to learn more about each of them.
I'll take a deep dive into this topic. Thanks for the tips!
Oh, fabulous! I'm so glad. Happy to help 😊
If you find yourself doing any of these or find fascinating stuff as you dive into them and want to share with me, please do! Or if you write a post on what you find, tag me?
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How I wish these memories would stop visiting me! I know this feeling well, I lose control of my own mind for a moment, and this crap comes in. I banish the thoughts, and do one of my own recentering things, which are often as simple as petting a cat.
Orientating - I think I do this more than others do, naturally. It's like I have feelers that others do not have. I wonder if we have been imprisoned in ever smaller spheres of awareness that are cutting us off from our environs and causing us to feel adrift. Anyway, cool term I have never heard.
Interoception - I do this too, possibly more than most other people. I'm very healthy for my age, as you suggest, too. I let my body tell me what it is experiencing, and what it needs.
Cool essay, I enjoyed it and you've gotten me thinking. Thanks!
Petting a cat to recentre yourself sounds like a great coping mechanism. And I can only imagine how tiring it must be to keep trying to control your mind to keep the crap out!
I cannot recommend tapping enough for actually being able to release old painful memories altogether. It's the number one I break the tie between the event itself and the pain I experienced. I wouldn't be without it.
hm! Interesting. I'll check it out. Thanks.
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