Finding Comfort in Creating Space for Your Feelings
When one of your closest people dies, you face much difficulty. It is like a weight that feels very heavy and which drops on the heart. Sadness engulfs you and it feels as though everything will never be right again. People often say that time heals all wounds but when one is mourning, it seems like time has stopped.
I read something recently that had a lot of meaning to me. It said that the easiest way to make a line appear shorter without physically touching it is by drawing another line nearby, but longer than it. I started reflecting upon this theory. Perhaps grief operates in the same manner.
It feels like standing in line for endless sadness whenever someone grieves; doing anything does not alter its length or magnitude at all. However, what if instead of trying to make the line shorter, you drew a longer line next to it? And what if one gave his/her thoughts some room rather than pushing them away?
To me, creating a room for my sorrow entails allowing myself to be unjudgmental and experience whatever I am feeling. If I feel sad, I allow myself to weep. If angry, I allow myself to yell. Whenever it appears wrong, however, when I’m happy I still want to smile.
It’s not easy though. Sometimes it feels like the sadness will never go away. What makes it easier though is that when i give myself permission to feel my grief., it becomes more manageable by me.. It’s as if in giving permission rather than expecting to heal overnight
This is why perhaps the idea of drawing a longer line next to the one you are trying to make shorter stuck with me so much. Instead of pretending there is no grief or trying not to think about its existence at all this way, what I am doing is just acknowledging and honoring it. This means that sometimes giving it room in life even when overwhelming may happen.
And guess what? This works. The sorrows are not ended but the sadness becomes more bearable. It’s as if I was telling my sorrow, “I see you, and I’m not afraid of you.” And somehow that makes me feel stronger.
I know that each person grieves differently and what may work for me might not work for someone else. However, if you are experiencing grief like I am, creating a space for your feelings is something I would recommend. It’s difficult and definitely not a quick fix. Nevertheless, in my experience, it is totally worth it.
So next time when you have been swallowed by grief you can try sketching a lengthier line next to the one you want to be shorter. You can allow yourself to just feel without thinking anything about it at all. And by the way this is acceptable to ask others to offer assistance should there be need for such an action; no one says that you have to go through this alone.
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