Too Little, Too Late...

I don't do this often, but I'm going to add a trigger warning ahead of time. This post will deal with several very sensitive issues.

On Canada Day, a day that should have been one of celebrations, I was admitted to the hospital. Diagnosis: hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness). The next two days were then spent pumping me full of medicine.

10mg of Gravol, 10mg of Zofran, 10mg of Maxeran -- every single hour, for over 24 hours.

(Image created using an AI art generator on Night Cafe)

I began to bleed. The doctors decided not to send me in for another ultrasound because I had "just had one yesterday" and I "wasn't passing blood clots." Well, what do you think happened the very next evening, after leaving the hospital?! 🥴 I began passing golfball-sized blood clots and cramping as though I were going into labor.

Now, obviously we can't know for sure until another ultrasound is done... but I think it's safe to say I had a miscarriage...

My mother-in-law, I suppose as her way of being encouraging, told me to "chill out. You're always stressing out about things that are out of your control -- stap! 😊"

Well, easier said than done, right?

For example, do you think that, after making the recommendation, that this woman would then bother to help ease my stress? Quite the opposite -- she actively chooses to add to it. I'm currently experiencing Night 2 of heavy cramping, groaning through the pain, and she's sleeping in the other room with her door wide open. My mother-in-law even went so far to say, "I took this out for dinner, I figured you could make it later (for all of us, even though you're having a miscarriage, III need to be fed plz)."

But everything happens for a reason, right? Because while I was at the hospital, I happened to meet my true "mother-in-law."

She was my roommate while I stayed in that hospital bed for two days. This cute, little, round, old lady who I eventually learned was there for a collapsed lung. We did not talk much during our tens of hours together, except to exchange hellos and pleasantries... Well, on my final morning there, my roommate overheard me breaking down to my nurses, that I couldn't go home in the state that I was in. The nausea and pain were too excurciating, and I would rather die than endure it. My doctor then came in to undermine my concerns and basically walked away giggling about it all.

In came my roommate; she introduced herself as Leslie.

Leslie told me she went through terrible morning sickness, all throughout the pregnancy, for all four of her pregnancies, back during a time when there was no medication. So she gave me some advice. She told me to distract myself! to do whatever it takes to stop focusing inward and start focusing out. "Get in the bathroom, splash some cold water on your face, scream if you have to, then get back out there!" She recommended "teaching my kids to dance to The Wiggles."

(Source: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0454656/)

And she told me to stop hunching over: "Every time I see you, you're hunched over -- stand up tall! Tell yourself that you've got this!"

I broke down and began to cry again. I asked Leslie for a hug, and she happily obliged. I was squeezing this woman's hands, screaming, "I can do this! I am the sickness; the sickness comes from me! It doesn't control me -- I control it!"

I had only known this woman for 2 days, but I shared a bond with her that I cannot explain. There were no words for it.

Leslie gave me her phone number; I have stayed in touch with her ever since. She finally got to return home on Thursday evening! She has been enjoying the company of her daughter and grandson. I have told her about the miscarriage, but that I am fine and everything happens for a reason.

My husband and I will be trying again in the future. Now going forward, I have the knowledge that I previously needed to know.