Self Worth

I went to the University prepared as I wasn't going to be one of those students who were victimized by their lecturers. I also wasn't going to be at the mercy of anyone.

Image is mine

I knew Uni was tough and hard, a dangerous playing field where predators lurk and the weak gets eaten. Probably this narrative might be different in other part of the world, but in my country Nigeria, the lecturers are always in some sort of unhealthy competition with the students.

It's almost as if they are jealous of you becoming a graduate and wielding a degree just like they do.

Thus, instead of them to impact knowledge, the majority of them will dedicate their lives to frustrating you and your academics, especially when they want you but can't get you.

First year in Uni, I gave it my all and came out with a 4.5CGPA Year 1. This made the lecturers to know of me even without meeting me in person.

I have never had a personal encounter with my HOD (Head of department) before. Whenever I needed to sign my course form, I'd always drop it with his secretary as protocol demands.

Then I got to Year 2 and by second semester, I needed to sign my course form, but the HOD's secretary was on maternity leave.

This gave the students the chance to meet with the HOD personally in his office, as no one was temporary employed to occupy the secretary's seat while she was away.

I got to the department at exactly when I knew the HOD would have resumed work for the day. I walked into his office and greeted him, “Good morning sir” almost bowing my head in show of respect.

“Good morning young lady” he responded with a smile.

Still standing in front of his broad office table clustered with several books on Economics and some few family portraits, I reached for my bag and brought out my course form then stretched it forward, “Please sir, I need you to sign my course form for onward processing”.

He collected the form from me, put on his glasses, and then started glancing through. Next he called out my name, “Igbogidi Eseoghene Danielle.”

“Sir” I responded sharply

“So you are the Igbogidi?” He questioned with his head still fixated in a bit downward position, raising his eyes to look at me from above the glasses resting on his nose bridge.

I wasn't sure if that question was for good or bad, but then I have been a good student who has done well to avoid confrontations and problems with any lecturer.

I keep a low profile and was scandal free, so definitely the question should be for good I thought.

After the brief debate in my head, I responded, “Yes sir, I am the one,” in a not so confident tone just in case maybe mistakenly the question was for bad.

There was a long silence after my response as he continued to go through my course form word for word.

I wasn't comfortable not knowing the reason for his inquiry or for him calling out my name the way he did, so I probed.

“Sir, you asked if I am the Igbogidi am I in trouble” I said in a tone reeking of fear.

He looked at me again but this time laughing as he said, "No my dear, it's just that I have noticed your results and how you have managed to maintain your grades year after year.”

He continued, “If I'm not mistaking, you should be among the top 3 best in the department”.

Furthermore, he reached out for his pen and signed his column in my course form.

As I walked out of his office, I couldn't conceal my happiness as I was seen smiling from ear to ear like who just won a lottery.

The recognition from my HOD gave me an invisible shoulder pad, as I felt the height of my shoulders increase.

I progressed with my coursework and then exam came. For the last paper, it was an elective course of which I was the course rep.

The lecturer of the course invigilated the exam with our course adviser, who doesn't like me for reasons best known to him.

Towards the tail end of the exam, the course lecturer excused himself to go take a call in his car.

I was rounding up to go submit when a piece of paper was thrown at me. Apparently, whoever threw it wanted to dispose of it through the window, but it landed on me as I was sitting by the window.

It was when I picked up the paper to throw it out, my course adviser's attention was drawn to me, and he asked me to stand up.

You need to see how he rushed at me and took the paper from me violently, seizing my script as well.

Next was, “I said it!” He thundered.

“So this is how you get all your A's and B's,” he continued, as he opened the paper to discover it has some answers to the questions of the exam.

I was just standing there confused, all attention was on me and the course lecturer walked in.

My course adviser quickly handed the piece of paper to him and brought out a malpractice form for me to fill but I refused and asked them to cross-check the writing on the paper and the one on my script if it was the same.

Instead, all I got from the course lecturer was, “it doesn't matter, the fact is that you were caught with an exhibit.”

I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life as the course lecturer kept hammering on how disappointed he was at me.

“To think I made you my course rep based on high regards Ese, but see how you messed yourself up and made me look like a fool”.

He continued with his piercing words: Any other person I will let it go but you? I won't.

He handed the form to me himself, and I knew proving stubborn at this point would only make matters worse for me. I filled the form and signed, then resolved that I would make a move to plead with him after the exam.

Catching a glimpse at my course adviser, I could see him gloat, but he was the least of my problem as I needed to clear my name with the course lecturer since the baton of authority is now in is hands.

As the exam ended, the course lecturer asked me to carry the scripts and follow him to his car.

I felt this was an opportunity to seek audience with him, but instead he brushed me off and said, “Ese you are supposed to be a smart girl and know better that things like this are not sorted out in public where all eyes are on us”.

He continued: “Call me later in the evening because I won't listen to you and can't do anything for you now.”

The instruction to call him gladdened my heart as I felt I was making progress.

Evening came, and I called as instructed, but then he gave me another instruction that he would send me an address to come and see him the following day being Saturday.

The fact that he is an elderly man, who I also hold in high regard, made me push aside whatever suspicion my mind was raising.

I was ready to see the situation through to the end and do whatever was instructed of me.

As we met in his car the next day, having listened to all I had to say, he gave me a lustful look.

Then the next revelation came as a shock as he disclosed he had feelings for me and would want to be intimate.

“If you refuse me, I will not only submit your malpractice form to the faculty, you are also getting an F in my course” He threatened.

Now, I am the type of person who does not take threats likely, and I know how blackmail works.

I knew if I commit myself even further with him, I would keep being at his mercy for the rest of the school year.

“What do I do," I asked within myself as my lecturer was eagerly waiting for me to give him consent.

I took a deep breath, looked him dead in the eye and told him "do your worse"

He sure wasn't expecting such response from me as he was dumb founded.

I was prepared to damn whatever consequences, after all I was innocent of which he knew but just wanted to take advantage of me.

As I made attempt to open his car and exit, he said to me fuming "I will teach you a lesson, shey you want to be stubborn?" He brought out my script and wrote a big F circling it.

But then I knew what I wrote would at least get me a C because I am a star pupil and I have never failed any course since year 1, not even a D.

By now I had already lost all the respect I had for him and was going to talk to him however I deem fit.

There was a brief silence as we both gazed eyeball to eyeball. I didn't know what was going through his head but I was prepared to tackle him whatever angle he's coming from.

Seeing that I wasn't going to cowar at his threat, he stopped threatening and started begging.

I turned him down and alighted his car.

The following session, I waited patiently for this man to do his worse, but I never got called in for any malpractice panel.

Result was released and he gave me a C.

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