Battle for freedom
As someone from a very protective Nigerian home gaining independence or "freedom" is something you have to fight for. Like most other parents, my parents wanted and still want the best for me and they do whatever it is as long as it is in their power to make sure I am the best version of myself. Going to the best schools possible, teaching me hard work, scolding me when need be, teaching me how to treat others, and making me see that nothing comes easy. But then there's a problem that a lot of families especially protective ones have, and my family had (still does) the problem, and that is knowing when to let go and let me take the lead.
They equipped me with all that I needed, but then it was time to take the initiative and face the challenges that come with adulthood but they didn't want to let me. I remember back then anytime I wanted to go anywhere I'd have to beg so hard before I get their permission, or sometimes I'd even go in secret without their consent.
As I grew older I realized I needed to take control, but I wasn't sure how exactly to go about it. I was thinking, ok when I get to 18 years of age they'll set me free. And then I turned 18 years old and they didn't set me free oo. By then I was a bit more emotionally mature so I had to take control by myself.
Rather than ask them if I could go out I'd tell them I was going out, when I needed to do something I wouldn't call them to tell them, because I realized that by always calling them and telling them they wouldn't let me take my own initiative. Rather I'd tell them after I'd done it.
It was a struggle at first, but slowly they started to take the hint and understand that I was growing. Surely enough I made a lot of mistakes. And they'd be angry at me for making the mistakes. I'd also be angry at myself then, but then with time, I realized that It was all part of the process. If I didn't make the mistakes then when was I going to make the mistake?
The truth of the matter is that If I didn't take initiative then, I'd end up being unable to make my own decisions as an adult. Because whether we like it or not they can't be in my life forever. And if I didn't learn how to be independent then I'll make a lot of mistakes. And the thing with life is that the older you are the greater the impact of a mistake on your life. So it is a lot better to make mistakes when you still have the chance to correct them. And then when you make mistakes you can always come back to them for advice and they'd guide you.
As for feeling older than my age, I don't think I have ever felt older than my age. I have the mindset that age is not necessarily an indication of maturity so when I do something that one would see as something typical of an old man, I see it as normal.
So there you have it, fought for my freedom within the ages of 18 to 19. Till now I still have to battle with them at times, but I know it's all from a place of love and them wanting what's best for me.
This is my entry to the Hive Naija weekly prompt. be sure to check it out.
THANKS FOR READING
Cover image by Slav Romanov from Unsplash
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As you've said, it's like that in most Nigerian homes. It's a struggle to become independent with such parents over you.
But some would understand when they see it's really time they let you make decisions and mistakes to learn better.
Yeah. But you have to take charge if not you may end up being a man or woman baby, lol.
I really can relate so well to this period of one's life.
I could also remember how my parents especially mom would cage me in the house and never would they let me sit next or even talk to a guy. Along the line, I was abiding by their rules until I went for my NCE, It was in my 200 level I changed everything about how they were used to keeping me away from guys. I thought to myself that even if I wanted to get pregnant under their roof, I know my way but I didn't.
I went into a guy's room for the first time which was intentional as mom was at home that day. When I got back inside, she didn't utter a word. I guess she knew then that she would not keep caging me forever since I was already away from home and at school. Her thinking then would be, "Do I know what she is doing in school?" Since that day, I could be close to a guy and she won't utter a word.
It was that moment I felt independent too and I also felt that freedom of not being controlled or monitored when around guys.
I feel parents also know when they need not to go the extreme in keeping a child or controlling them but allowing them do things on their own so that even when they make mistakes, they would learn from it and most importantly, it's always good to make mistakes early enough rather than when it is late to do anything about it.
Hehe, princess princess. I totally understand your mums fears. Young men can be evil, especially to young girls so I get why she was protecting you. But I get that it could become too much at some point. Reminds me of all those memes where parents will say stay away from men for so long, then later on they'll start asking for their future husband 😂.
We'll it's nice to see you showed her you were a big girl
Hahaha. They keep us away from men and they still want us to bring husband home. Life is in stages and we see that from them.
Most times, I parents fail to realize the fact that we are all grown now. They still see us little and as a result of that, they find it difficult to let go.
Yes. To them we're still they're little boys and girls lol
I can relate with all you said. I struggled with my parent then to allow me make decisions on my but they will always say am still a child. Glad they know recognize am no longer a baby and allow me make my own decisions without intruding.
Hehe, that you're still a baby was very annoying Fr. We thank God for growth