Dear Diary, I'm home alone this holiday.

01 November 2023

Today is All Saint's Day, a holiday where most people return home to be with their loved ones. Yet here I am, alone in my apartment. I do miss my family, of course, but I can't go home this time. My personal workloads and school stuff are keeping me here. I have a group research with three phases of it to be completed by next Tuesday, and an interview for a project report to be done on the same date. Aside from these, I have to report on duty for my internship after the holidays this week. I have to take advantage of the available time I had, so I can complete my OJT before the final exams by December.

It's hard to find time to rest and relax these days. I can't even write my blogs regularly. Discussing ideas for educational purposes in the middle of the night has been my routine this semester. A holiday wherein intended for rest supposedly can help, but deadlines took it away from us instead. Now, I have to manage my day wisely by doing household chores in the morning, then going out to fetch some of my things from my previous apartment.

I ran out of energy late in the morning, so I stopped by in a cafe to have lunch and Iced Coffee in a hot day. Maybe not from the chores really, but also from this melancholy feeling I have from being alone while seeing everybody cooking desserts with their loved ones in their homes and posting it on Facebook. Surely, I miss those days where we were excitedly waiting for those traditional desserts to be cooked by our mother in this kind of holidays. Going to the church with the whole family to pray for our deceased loved ones, and to lit a candle in each of their tombs. This year, I could only pray for them at my room due to my current situation.

Despite being a busy beaver here alone in the city, I still pay my respects at home by calling them to check. I sent my wishes to my father for his birthday and my warmest regards to my mother since they're not home when I called.

After lunch and coffee, I went there at my previous address to get my things and transfer them to where I currently live. As expected, the avenue where the public cemetery situated is closed due to heavy volume of people visiting their loved ones' tombs. This will last until tomorrow, and re-routing of public transport vehicles will be expected, too. It's my first time actually to experience this here and was amazed by the scene and the traffic jam that it caused. I hope the soul of my deceased loved ones could understand the struggles I have now, and they can forgive me for not visiting their graves for years.

It was already evening when I got home. I puked in the way while walking, since I was already nauseous when riding the airconditioned modern jeep. I just dropped all the things I packed, and slumbered my exhausted body into my bed. I was dizzy before writing this, and was thankful when I sweat and regained the normal warmth of my body that I got back to normal.

Maybe, it was a signal from my body telling me that my mind is the only one stronger left here but my health is deteriorating already. It's a message that I should prioritize my health over anything at this moment. And the saddest part of this, I couldn't tell my mother because she'll worry with my well-being here. I can only write this in a diary because I know I can manage myself. I just have to re-adjust my time management and pay attention to my health.

Well, that concludes my day. I'm deeply looking forward for a productive tomorrow.

Lovelots,
@ayane-chan