The lies! The emotional drain! A mistake that won't repeat itself

I remember, though, not so much because I have learned to leave the past in the past and move on. He was a friend I knew in the past who came with a sorry story of not having where to stay. Like me, he was far from home and he was trying to earn a living so he could take care of himself and his family (at least, this is the story I caught unto)

I accepted him sheltered him, and gave him food, and I didn't ask for anything in return. I had no idea he had been lying about all of his predicaments. And that he had me caught in every lie that he weaved. I was compassionate.

I gave him access to everything that was mine. I wanted him to feel welcomed and at home. So whatever I had, we shared.

But he wanted more. I gave him everything except my phone but he wanted access to everything. I don't know if he was a thief, but when this incident happened, I remembered that one of his friends had mentioned how he stole her brother's business idea/plan and submitted it to a non-profit organization that hosted an Entrepreneurial sort of thing that I had no understanding.

One of those nights, I was asleep, and I woke up abruptly to find him going through my phone, my browsing history, and whatnot. What was he looking for? He had always mentioned something like, "I don't know where you stash your money", and I often never gave thoughts to it. This is because I like being modest not showing too much or drawing attention but when a problem shows up, I often find a way to sort it out.

He realizes that there has not been any sum of money he asked to borrow in the past that I have not been able to lend him. Sometimes, I usually ask him to wait for a few days and he will get it. And he always drops, messages like, "I don't know why I have to wait a few days, but it's fine". So I think this is where he had questions about where my money comes from.

He knows I write for a living and I talk about my blogging more times than I can count because my entire life is wrapped around words, books, and movies. Anything and everything to help me gain exposure that would help my career. So I have no idea what was giving him the idea that I had stashes of money and he could get it any time he wanted. Or that he needed to go through my phone to find it.

There was nothing there. I only had the humility that comes from not spending more than I earn. And saving. And learning to make good use of my credit scores to access funds during emergencies. It was nothing more than that. Helping those in need only showed the level of my compassion and nothing more.

Source
On this day, when I caught him digging into my phone, I was angry, and for the first time since he came, I raised my voice and my neighbors heard me. I have never had a reason to raise my voice in my residence until that morning. I am quite protective of my phone because the world is bad. Someone can pick it up, send messages in your name and ruin everything you have built. Or use your name to do illegal activities.

Speaking of illegal activities, I remember a couple of times when he had asked for one of my emails to open something I can't tell. Since that night I had learned to be wary of him and his moves. So I said no, if he asked for my number to do something I said no, there was even a time he asked for my BVN, and I said no, and he was so angry.

This is someone who has not done a thing to deserve all the favors he kept asking for. Yet, he felt entitled to everything that was mine as though I was his fiancee, mum, sister, or wife, I was none of this. I was just a gullible girl looking to help those who were in need.

When you meet insincere people, what you will see is that once you start catching on to what's happening. They tend to fake being angry and start packing their bags. But the truth is they have nowhere to go. They gaslight you into thinking you are the bad one. The next morning when we had that phone quarrel, he started calling people I know nothing about and started packing too. He left the house for the whole day and returned in the night.

When he came back I thought he was leaving. My heart was beating fast. I started feeling as though I was wrong to have gotten angry. Thinking about it now, I realized he was just putting on an act to play me into feeling guilty. He succeeded. I had to apologize and offer him dinner to make peace reign. And subsequent fights I apologized even though it had everything to do with him.

My mistake was turning a blind eye to everything he did. These are just bits of the things that I had to endure for every day he spent at my house, eating my food, using my things, and contributing nothing. The few times he contributed, when he came up with stories of how he got the money, he was angry and paranoid. And I watched him squeeze and tried to act like he was managing. When I was the one taking all the burdens, he squandered with no remorse. He had stayed more months than someone who needed help for a few weeks would. He stayed an entire 6 months and I didn't see any iota of gratitude in his eyes. Instead, he calls his mom and siblings at all times and lies about having a job, and showing her around my house through video calls.

I tried to help with funding for various business ideas he came up with and every time it ended in futility. I helped with funds when he woke up a few mornings and mention he had an interview and he had nothing to pay his way. Thinking about it now, I don't even know if any of those interviews happened. Or if he was trying to act serious with his life so he could keep deceiving me.

It was fine. I just knew in my heart of heart that I might not help anyone who needed shelter anymore no matter how touching their story is.

That night, he was probably looking for something to steal. A contact. Some sort of connection. He could have been a fraudster, I didn't wait around to find out. I spent months planning how to get rid of him while keeping a smiling face, throwing quarrels here and there and I succeeded. When he left, I was freed from his lies.

I don't want to write anymore. My eyes are already wet from all the memories rushing through my mind. This is a true story.