Mi niña interna hoy me agradece sanar || My inner child thanks me today for healing [Esp/Eng]

Estos días que estoy de vacaciones he estado bastante reflexiva, he tenido tiempo para pensar y como una buena casualidad me topo con esta linda iniciativa, realmente es hacer un viaje hacia el pasado en dónde llegan a la mente un sin fin de recuerdos, muchos de estos son realmente gratos, como otros no lo son tanto.

Cuando pienso en mi niñez de inmediato asoció es la presencia de mis abuelos maternos con los que me crié, mis padres eran muy jóvenes y aunque siempre estuvieron se la pasaban todo el día trabajando y en la noche estudiaban para poder tener su título universitario. Crecí sintiéndome llena de amor y mimos, debo admitir que no sentí ninguna carencia hasta el día que mis padres se separaron.

These days that I am on holidays I have been quite reflective, I have had time to think and as a good chance I stumbled upon this nice initiative, it really is a journey into the past where endless memories come to mind, many of these are really nice, as others are not so much.

When I think of my childhood I immediately associate it with the presence of my maternal grandparents with whom I grew up, my parents were very young and although they were always around they spent all day working and at night studying for their university degree. I grew up feeling full of love and pampering, I must admit that I didn't feel any lack until the day my parents separated.

Nunca olvido el día que me enteré que mis papás decidieron tomar caminos diferentes, estaba en la playa con mi papá y al retornar me dice "bueno, como tú mamá y yo nos separamos te voy a dejar con ella y luego te vuelvo a buscar", no dije nada me quedé fría antes de subirme a su carro y por mi expresión mi papá entendió que yo no sabía nada. Se molestó muchísimo porque había acordado que mi mamá me lo diría y obviamente no había tenido esa conversación conmigo, ella solo me decía que mi papá se había ido a cuidar de su abuela que estaba enferma.

I never forget the day I found out that my parents had decided to go their separate ways, I was at the beach with my dad and when I got back he said to me "well, as your mum and I are splitting up I'm going to leave you with her and then I'll come back for you", I didn't say anything, I stayed cold before getting into his car and from my expression my dad understood that I didn't know anything. He was very upset because he had agreed that my mum would tell me and obviously she hadn't had that conversation with me, she only told me that my dad had gone to look after his grandmother who was ill.

Desde ese día yo creí que ellos se habían separado porque yo era adoptada, idea que me hice yo misma con apenas 6 años. Un día le comento esto a mi mamá y ella me aclara que no es así, que las razones eran otras y no me dió más explicaciones. Sin embargo, mi papá si hablo conmigo y me dijo que el se había separado de mi madre más no de mi y que ella tenía la custodia pero el tenía visitas libres, que el podía ir las veces que quisiera por mi, así fue, el siempre ha estado presente hasta el sol de hoy.

From that day on I believed that they had separated because I was adopted, an idea that I had made up for myself when I was only 6 years old. One day I told my mother about this and she told me that this was not the case, that the reasons were different and did not give me any more explanations. However, my father did talk to me and told me that he had separated from my mother but not from me and that she had custody but he had free visits, that he could go as often as he wanted to pick me up, and so it was, he has always been present to this day.

Luego vinieron las navidades dividas, una fecha con la familia materna y otra con la paterna, ir de aquí allá sin sentir estabilidad a veces y con un sentimiento de culpa, como si fuese yo quien les pesara, lo cual incidió en mi autoestima, pero luego con más madurez entendí que no tenía nada que ver en la decisión que ellos habían tomado y que por separado cada uno era feliz, que ambos estaban realizando su vida al lado de nuevas parejas y qué les iba mejor. Hoy me miró con orgullo por haber sanado eso en mi, abrazo a mi niña interna que alguna vez tuvo miedo de quedarse sola y le digo que tal como lo pensó todo marcha bien para todos ❤️

Then came the split Christmases, one date with the maternal family and another with the paternal family, going back and forth without feeling stable at times and with a feeling of guilt, as if I were the one weighing on them, which affected my self-esteem, but then with more maturity I understood that I had nothing to do with the decision they had taken and that separately each one was happy, that both were making their lives with new partners and that they were doing better. Today I look at myself with pride for having healed that in me, I embrace my inner child who was once afraid of being left alone and I tell her that just as she thought, everything is going well for everyone ❤️

•Fotos tomadas por mi del álbum familiar.
•Portada editada en Canva.

•Photos taken by me.
•Cover edited in Canva.