Babbles of an Unfocused Mind

over 2 years ago (Edited)

Last month, I was very busy in my life off-line. New things were going on and there was some extra chores to do so that I didn’t get time to be very active on Hive. Nevertheless, my head was full of ideas to write. There were happenings everyday about which I desperately wanted to write but because of shortage of time I could not convert those happenings into content. I thought, I would be writing about them once my routine would return to normal.

About a couple of weeks ago my routine came to its normal, but still it became difficult for me to write as keenly as I was doing before. We usually hear about writer’s block that causes difficulty in writing. The writer simply lacks ideas and words to write. My case is different. I don’t think what I am experiencing can be regarded as writer’s block. There are several topics in mind which I can write on. There are many thoughts running one after the other in my mind. It is not the lack of ideas that is stopping me from writing. Instead it is the lack of focus and motivation that is not allowing me to start.

When there is a recent happening of event, we are more equipped with information and emotions. Because, it is fresh, the feelings are more more fragrant and it is easier to transform them into words. Moreover, when something is inspiration for the writer it needs not to be very big. It can be small and still be very special; but when the same happening becomes the story of past days it loses the emotions attached with it and it no longer remains the inspiration for today’s writing. Even if we remember the major information attached to it, we are likely to miss many minor important elements. That’s the case with me, perhaps. I still remember what I had thought to write on but the topics are no longer inspiring me.

The more problematic thing is that these old ideas in my mind are not letting me move forward. It’s weird and weary. When I think of writing about something new such as any contest going on, a cloud of fear pops up in my mind telling me that I would forget about the topics I already have so I must write about them first. On the other hand when I try to write about on the topics already in my mind, I feel lost. Firstly, I find me unable to decide which topic I should choose for today’s writing. Secondly, as I stated above that none of them have retained their inspirational property for today, nothing motivates me to fight against the clock (as I often write fighting against the clock).

Also, there is a general lack of motivation that I am experiencing. I write because writing gives me inner peace and joy. It is my biggest motivation behind writing. These days the sense of attaining the joy via writing is subdued somewhere. I don’t exactly know why but I can point out some probable reasons.
Writing gives me joy because it accompanies sense of achievement. When this sense of achievement is undermined by some other factors, the over all joyful feelings are eroded. My kids has summer vacation these days. I had planned to work on some of the weaker academic areas of my elder son, so that he would perform better when the schools are reopened. Despite putting efforts, I don’t feel like getting the targets I had set. It is disappointing to me. Perhaps, I have settle higher targets than achievable. Not sure though.

Beside, I am working for three different projects on hive. For two of them (Hivepakistan and vyb) a curator and for dreemport as a guild. Everything takes time and energy to be done. Meanwhile, my mind is full of ideas about Hivepakistan, as the project is in its infancy and many things are to be done. The problem is that everything in my mind is just in my mind and nothing is coming implication, simply because everything needs focussed attention and considerable time to come to reality. The thoughts in my mind along with many other targets are only draining me of energy and blurring my focus.

Along with ideas for Hivepakistan, I am trying to upgrade myself as an ambassador for dreemport as well. I am on it. But the thing is that, it is not giving me satisfaction. Why....! Simply, because there are several other targets that are not going up to mark.

Along with all the afore mentioned reason, there is one more reason that disturbs me a lot. That is the recurrent illness of my son. For the last nine months, he gets fever twice a month. After every two weeks, he has severe asthma attack with nasal congestion, flu, severe coughing and breathlessness. I have to spend nights awakened trying to sooth him. Moreover, giving medicine and nebulization on time is a duty. While he is ill, I have to spoon-fed him. Also, he starts showing tantrums. This all is tiresome.

All these factors have an compound influence on my motivation level. Perhaps, I have become too demanding of myself. Perhaps, I need to set my focus on one or two thing letting the other things aside; but I don’t really know which things to choose and which to drop. Maybe the readers may help me figure out........

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75 comments

@ninahaskin 72

over 2 years ago

...the recurrent illness of my son. For the last nine months, he gets fever twice a month. After every two weeks, he has severe asthma attack with nasal congestion, flu, severe coughing and breathlessness. I have to spend nights awakened trying to sooth him. Moreover, giving medicine and nebulization on time is a duty. While he is ill, I have to spoon-fed him. Also, he starts showing tantrums. This all is tiresome.

This by itself is very stressful. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Remember, your real life family comes first. How old is your son? What does the pediatrician say?

Hugs! @amberkashif 💕

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over 2 years ago

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