Change

Picture taken by my cousin
Edited by me

In the 50th anniversary marriage of my paternal grandparents, I realized that they are getting older.

As a person, I have these immature thoughts of not wanting to change, or I wanted to stay the same like in my past, not to me but to everyone else.

'Change was a hassle because time keeps on moving forward.' That's what I thought, but I know time can't be stopped within our hands.

My mind sometimes gets caught up in the past, which makes me uncomfortable.

While I watched the married old couple enjoying their golden wedding anniversary, renewing their vows, kissing sweetly, and dancing together as their special day and spotlight belonged to them, I thought that they deserved this special day.

They deserved each other after they reached their retirement, and they overcome hardships as a sucessful parents that they grew their grown-up married children with sucessfull carreers well.

They moved on towards the future; even my mother admitted on her lips that she wanted her golden wedding anniversary with my father someday.

As my mind reminisced of the past, my single thought was, 'I want to change, too.'Not only as a person, but also my life.

I want to move on from my past, but it is very difficult because of how stubborn I am. I know that this is one of our enemies (devils) tactics to make us fall short with God, to which I remembered one of the sermons my church warned us about—not only the preachers warned us, but also the Christian books I read so far.

Unfortunately, that was one of my struggles in my life, and I know God wants me to overcome this.

I'm always lost in motivation to plan for my future, and I'm always lost that I needed guidance.

As I said in my previous posts in one of my blogs, I know what vocation God planned for me.

The one question in my mind was this: What is the first step?

My heart and my mind always wander off from Him. I know that I keep returning to Him, I assured you, as I have great confidence. I have a personality of not wanting to lose this battle, and I'm confident that God is with me to fight our enemies together.

Perhaps this is my first step in my mind: acceptance of this change.

A baby step. Is what we called.

As I watched the couple slicing their cake to symbolize their eternal love in the distance, perhaps these thoughts will be my motivation to move on from my past.

I'm still a lost traveler in life, having no goals in my career as I felt stagnant. I must accept these small changes.

When I heard from my aunt and my mother's conversation nearby that my grandparents will move to America next year for their retirement, I felt sadness within me as I thought that this would be the last time I saw them personally.

I'm quite close with my grandparents's family since they were my neighbors for almost all of my teen years.

After thinking about that, my tears shed while I wrote this blog.

This change I thought was quite painful, but I still wish in their remaining life filled with blessings and happiness as their life moves on.